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029: Infertile AF

Hello! Welcome to episode 29 of I’d Rather Stay In. This week, we are honoring National Infertility Awareness Week with a special episode on infertility.

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National Infertility Awareness Week

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. We wanted to do a special episode on infertility to continue to help break the stigma.

1 in 8 couples will struggle with infertility. Those numbers are staggering, yet there remains a stigma against talking about it.

Stephie shares often on social media about her infertility journey and receives messages all of the time from women who are also struggling, yet don’t feel like they have anyone they can talk to.

Megan notes that part of the stigma is that you feel like you’ve done something wrong (even though you haven’t!).

Secondary infertility

Megan struggled with secondary infertility, which is talked about even less. She says that people probably talk about it less because you feel bad – you already have a baby and feel bad for wanting more.

It can also be harder to get help for because there’s already been a pregnancy, so in Megan’s case they assumed everything was perfectly fine. One of the biggest infertility hurdles is getting medical professionals to take you seriously so you can get the help and treatment you need/desire.

Her story is also a good reminder that it is never ok to ask people when they’re having a second (or third, etc.) child, just like it is never ok to ask when people are having their first child.

COVID and infertility treatments

A large number of couples are experiencing canceled, delayed or indefinitely postponed infertility treatments due to COVID.

If that is you, we are so sorry. We can’t imagine how disappointing and frustrating that is.

If someone in your life has experienced this, know that their disappointment goes far beyond simply not being able to get pregnant when they want. For any variety of reasons, this could have been their last or only cycle to try, or they could now be out thousands of dollars.

Infertility treatments are complicated and expensive and can require so much prep work. So just know that there’s probably more going on with their hurt and disappointment than you even realize.

If you have someone in your life who is struggling with infertility…

Have grace with them. They may not be able to be excited about your pregnancy or your child’s milestones.

It’s not personal. We promise. It’s just way too hard.

If you are struggling with infertility…

Have grace with yourself!

You can be sad for yourself and also happy for your friend/family member. Those two feelings can coexist, and being unable to go to a baby shower (or any other celebration) doesn’t mean you wish that mother and her baby ill.

Also, Stephie highly recommends finding a good therapist to talk to throughout your journey. If you and your partner need help getting onto the same page about your treatment path, find a couples therapist to help mediate those conversations.

We also recommend finding someone in your life besides your spouse that you can talk to and confide in.

Don’t get discouraged by all of the people who give you unsolicited advice and “home remedies” – ignore those.

Other stuff we mentioned in this episode

Megan just got the Thread Folk book with some super cute embroidery patterns.

Stephie just got Preserving by the Pint.

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