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075: Setting Social Media Boundaries with Jade Bommarito

Hello! Welcome to episode 75 of I’d Rather Stay In. This week, we’re chatting all about how we set social media boundaries with our friend Jade.

Episode transcript

Welcome to I’d rather stay and with your hosts Megan Myers and Stephie Predmore. This week we’re talking about public and private life on social media with our guests. Jade bommarito. Stay tuned. Hi, Megan. Hi, Stephie

um, I just need to share two things with you. Oh, the first thing is yesterday, I was at the store and they had fresh cherries for a pretty good price. And so I bought some thinking that Ed would really like them. And she did not, which is like, maybe the only the second food she’s ever just like, really not liked. The other was cantaloupe. Um, I mean, the kid eats things like kimchi. But cherries. No. But then today, I had because yesterday Alex had put like, brought some hot dogs and like potatoes on the grill. And so we had left. I had him do an extra hot dog for her for today. And she had hot dog and potatoes and some banana. And I’d given her some ketchup for her hot dog in our potatoes. And she put it on her banana. Sure, but cherries are just a step too far. Um, so that was thing one is I was revolted. Like, this is disgusting. And she ate it with gusto. Like, this is disgusting. The second thing I wanted to share with everyone is that I have been listening to this podcast, the last couple of days, it’s called no one is coming to save us. It’s a four part series. And it is all about like a deep dive in to childcare in the United States. And the state of childcare and how hard it is to find childcare as a working parent. And I just finished listening to the second episode that talks about like the history of childcare and how when Nixon was president, there was almost a bill signed into law that would have provided like, free childcare. And it passed both the Senate and the House and was supported on a bipartisan level. And he vetoed it because Reagan was like, I don’t think you should find that. And that made me really angry. And anyway, everyone should listen to this podcast, because it will probably make you cry and make you mad. And also, I just think it’s a really important thing to listen to whether you’ve kids or not. But I think especially that the parents in the room would probably resonate with it. So anyway,

those are the two things I wanted to share. I have not started listening to it yet, because I did not want to spiral into a deep dark hole. Fair. So

yeah, it will kind of do that to you. Like maybe this week is not a good week for that. So yeah,

maybe not. It literally because it’s literally started starts with like a mom, just like sharing a snippet of her story. And then the gal that like hosts It is like clearly like she gets like choked up. As she’s just talking about it. She’s like, I wasn’t planning to cry. And then like I was crying, it was just, it is very emotional. And if you have little kids or you have ever had little kids, it’ll kind of just send you right back to that like struggle bus. But yeah, so I’ve only listened to episodes one and two, I still have three and four. But it’s very, very, very good. And I highly recommend.

I also have something to share, please, class. Yeah, I was waiting to tell you all day about this because I was like, it’s gonna make a good podcast story.

Also, I’m really glad that you remembered it because sometimes we sometimes we don’t remember things typically save stories to tell each other while we’re recording and then we don’t remember what they are when we get to it. So please share the class. This morning. I awoke to Max

after he burst open the door as he does with blood all over his hair. Excuse me what

Mike said. I like jet popped up. You know what, as you do, what

did what did you do? What’s going on? It’s like I’m just looking for a Kleenex. I’m like, What? There’s no the first of all, there aren’t any Hear, but also what happened. And he’s just like, Oh, I just need to I need to clear I’m like, like, there’s just blood on his hands and I’m looking at his hands and like, there’s more blood. So I’m like, I can’t tell where it’s coming from. So I take it by rushing to the bathroom. And I go stick his hands like under the faucet. Like I was thinking, like, something went horribly wrong and the dog bit him or something, right. Like

you can’t see your mind is just reeling at this point. Hey.

And then I, as his hands are getting washed, I realized it’s coming from his nose. Oh, no. bloody nose. just dripping. Oh, all right down into the steak. It’s a lot of blood. It was a lot of blood. And so I like got some toilet paper, and we shoved it up his nose. And I was like, okay to sit down. And he was like, couldn’t do it. And then I was like, tilt your head back and use did not function with those instructions. And it was interesting. And then like, as we’re sitting there like waiting for that to for his nose to stop bleeding. I start to feel funny because it was a lot of blood.

Yeah, the adrenaline had kept you on your feet until then. You’re like, Oh, no, I feel queasy. Yeah, I was like, oh,

buddy, could you go in your room and just find a place to sit calmly with your head tilted back while I go to the bathroom?

It was fine.

Oh, well, that’s good. Because that really would have added if you had like fainted and hit your head and then there. But also, okay, so my favorite part of the story. And this guy’s so Max is seven. Right? And he is just so he’s so mad. Yeah, he’s so Max. And like, yes, he gets the seven year old sillies all of the time, and he’ll get into like, these giggle fits, but just, he’ll just say things. And he’s like the, he’s like the oldest man and the youngest body. And so the fact that he just came in and was so calmly with blood gushing out of his nose and all of her his hands like I need a clean x.

Yeah. And he was sniffling, and I thought he was crying because he had hurt himself. But it was just because he was trying to get the blood back in his No. Oh, buddy. Oh, man, parents. He is a trip. So that was my morning. What time was this? Don’t I don’t even know what time it was too early. Well, the other thing was is that I was also sleeping in the guestroom because the dog has decided to sleep on the bed again every once in a while. So she was taking over my spot, but also my husband was snoring so loud. Yeah. And my kicks we’re doing nothing. So there’s no worse. Well, you know what, I have another bed. Gonna go sleep. And it was pretty great actually to sleep in the other bed. But I didn’t bring my phone with me. So I had no idea what time it was.

Do you know what it really doesn’t matter what time it was? It was too early for that nonsense. It was probably around six something Do you think that he went into your room saw that you weren’t there knew dad would be useless and then came and found you in the classroom?

Well, so what happened? Because he told me is that he had a nightmare. So he woke up went into my room and just lay down in the bed in your spot. Yeah, like to relax from his nightmare or whatever. I thought it was in the bathroom or something. And then when his nose started bleeding he just got up and went

he didn’t bother waiting.

Yep, oh man. Well Max had quite the eventful night slash morning.

Yeah, he’s level headed kid. But you’re right. He is like the oldest youngest man and we’ve been saying that like basically since he was born

Yeah, he he’s he’s funny. He’ll he’ll just best out and say things that are so old man like that. It just I can’t even remember what the last time when we were over there and the cat was being his old man self. I can’t remember what the cat was doing. And Max was like, you know, I mean, ruin ruin will probably die soon. He could die any moment. He could die at any moment. And he was serious. Which is very true. And he wasn’t Be it wasn’t like he didn’t say like a creepy like way like some some little kids would he just said in a very Matter of fact like well, you know, ruin his old he could die at any moment. Yeah. And you’re like well, you’re correct that is that is right. I don’t know how to respond to that. But you are correct. Oh man, I put up with a kid. I wish I had a little tape recorder I just followed him around with honestly, you could you could really write an excellent book someday about the things that Max says. It’s great. So we have talked in an episode? Well, we had a whole episode about it. But we’ve mentioned talked about this periodically before about boundaries. And we’ve also talked about social media. But social media has added a whole new set of challenges when it comes specifically to personal boundaries.

So much of what used to be private can now be public. But should it be to talk with us about this precarious balance? We’ve inspired, invited special guest Jade bommarito Welcome Jade.

Hi. Hello. Welcome to the podcast Jade. Tell us a little bit about yourself.

Yeah, so I am really excited to be here. So first of all, thank you so much for inviting me. And yeah, I’m Jade. I’m married. I’m a mom. I live in Denver, Colorado. I have a pet bird. I really like plants and being outside.

Okay, before we dive into the actual conversation, since you mentioned the bird, I knew you’re gonna ask. I actually know about the bird because Jane and I have been friends for a while. But I made you a to tell everyone what the birds name is and be to tell everyone how you how the bird came about and is still in your life.

Yes, so the birds name his his. His full name is Deepak and I I call him z now because I was 11 when I got him and I’m not really sure I understood that z pack was like a medication. I’m not really sure why I went with that name in particular for this animal. Um, but I’m 31 years old, and I have had him since I was I think it was actually when I was 10 when I got him. So he’s 21 years old. I got him as a baby. And um, yeah, my mom always said that when my sisters and I wrote a certain age that she felt like we could be responsible. We could go pick out a small pet that we could take care of. And this bird of mine is like relatively small, but she didn’t check the lifespan. These guys live like 35 freakin years. So I’ve been I’ve been stuck with this guy like my whole life. And you’ve got like another 14 years to go. Yeah, it’s not getting a Yeah, this it’s it’s Yeah, it’s a commitment for sure. My mom was like, had I known how long they lived, I would have steered you towards the hamster wheel kind of ecosystem. He’s a cockatiel. So he’s like gray with a yellow head. I had no idea cocktails live that long, apparently. Yeah, Jade’s

Mom, it’s true. The other thing that I find infinitely hilarious about z, is that he’s so territorial about you. And he like does not care for Michael, your husband, like being up in your business?

No. And it’s so funny, like something that I didn’t realize about birds until after I own one. But all a lot of birds are like this. They are so they attach themselves to one owner. So it’s really important that you socialize them when they’re young, which I didn’t do. And so literally, he thinks of me as a mate. So springtime is the worst at our house because this bird is trying to get with me. He doesn’t want my husband anywhere near me. He gets so jealous. But what’s also funny is that when I’m not around, like if I am not in his within hearing or sight of this animal, he will let my husband hold him and he will let my husband scratch him. But if I like peek around the corner and be like, gotcha, he will pretend like oh my gosh, Michaels touching me and start attacking my husband like I didn’t even know this was happening. And then we’ll run away from him like he I can’t catch him cheating on me, or he flips out. So they’re really smart. And they’re really manipulative and they’re assholes. But they’re, he’s cute like 9% of the time. Maybe Maybe this

is why I’m not really a bird person is maybe I’m not actually I always thought that I was. I was a cat Like if I wasn’t, if I was an animal, I would be a cat. Maybe I’m actually a bird.

You might be who knows. But yeah, birds kind of an asshole always. Like, it’s true, I don’t post a lot about him. But the times I do post him, it’s when he’s being cute, which is not often but just often enough to make some social media appearances. So

tell us about your social media presence and how it has grown or changed over the years.

Yeah, so I first started really getting into social media. And when I was in my early 20s, and I had Public Accounts, and I ended up starting a network marketing business when I was 25. And so of course, that was motivation for me to grow a following and connect with more people and, you know, potentially grow a business. So I was super, super public, I was super open about everything, like, way too much. And now, I’m private, on all my accounts, and I do things a lot differently, I feel like than I did before, which is probably a good thing.

You know, I think it’s interesting, because I was thinking about this before we came on to record like, I mean, our generation is the first one that has, you know, really grown up with any form of social media. And so we didn’t have, you know, we didn’t have like our parents to teach us how to behave ourselves on social media, because they obviously had no idea what they were doing, either. And so we’ve sort of had to, and I think, you know, when some of these platforms started, you know, I, my first account was on MySpace, and then I had Facebook, and then Instagram started, like, 10 years ago. I mean, we didn’t, we didn’t, who really knew that that was going to become what it is now. You know, so like, who even knew that we didn’t, we weren’t thinking about the fact that the things that we posted, we’re going to be around for ever. So I was just, I was just thinking about how, you know, our kids are going to be in a very different position, when it comes to social media, because they do have parents to talk to them about, okay, here is how we do and don’t behave on the internet. And here is how things live forever on the internet, and just all of this stuff. So I was just Oh, absolutely, you know, um, and I think, you know, especially, you know, so as parents and and you, like me, are an adoptive parent. And there are definitely extra challenges and special considerations that come with having, you know, any sort of online or social media presence. So can you talk to us about that part of things, you know, have you had to kind of pivot how you talk about your family online?

Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, it’s tough for me, because I’ve definitely struggled in this area and made mistakes in this area, like a lot. Um, you know, the moms that share overshare, their kids stories, or overshare, parts of the adoption story. And that was definitely me, the one that would make you all cringy. Like, I look back at some of the stuff that I wrote and was like, Oh, this should not have written that. And so I think, for me, really leaning in and listening to adult adoptees, and birth parents who kind of share their perspective and especially adoptees and knowing, kind of navigating, changing my mindset from this is about me and my child to my child is completely separate of me. I don’t own My child, she’s not a possession, her stories or her stories, I’m just here to like, raise her into being a good human and love her unconditionally. And shifting my mindset in that way to not overshare and respect those boundaries. Yeah, for sure.

I think even for any parents in general, it’s, it’s good to remember that. You know, if you’re posting pictures of your kids or videos or things like that, especially if they’re at a younger age, they don’t have the ability to consent to that. And so it’s kind of one of those things. I mean, parenting is all about, you know, making choices for your kids that they are not a part of, but for social media, like Stephie were saying that everything lives online forever. Do you want naked photos of your baby To be online for them to discover when they’re teenagers, or, you know, you’re talking about, I don’t know, anything

related to having a temper tantrum or the them, you know, challenges that they had with developmental things, like there’s so many things that you can Yeah. And then think like, do they want to come across that when they’re 16?

Yeah, and I think there’s a line between, in certain reasons to share things if you’re looking for advice or help. But then there’s also that line of like, when, especially when mommy blogging was so so big, and parents were just sharing everything without considering that those like, they’re your kids, but those are actual other people that eventually will be aware of all of this content that you’ve put out there into the world.

Yeah, I saw something recently. And I mean, I’ve seen this like conversation before, but basically, like just reminding parents that, you know, if you’re the type of parent that shares basically, everything about your kids online, at some point, they’re going to be old enough to start sharing online. And that if you have decided to share everything about them, you need to be okay, if they decide to share everything, like their perspective on those things, and like, how they feel about you, basically. And if you’re not okay with that, then maybe you like, really need to rethink how you’re sharing about your kids.

Yeah, I totally agree with that. And I think something that I’ve kind of started doing is really taking a step back and trying to say like, Okay, if this was me, or my story, like, would I be okay with this, like, just to avoid any kind of boundary crossing, because it is hard, especially like you said, Megan, with the mommy blogging being so popular, and people sharing about their kids, and you love your kids, and you want to share about all of the things and maybe it, maybe it’s not intentional, always, but there are things that really shouldn’t be shared. And I think I’m still learning that. I think, a big a big change I did on social media was I just made all my accounts private. If I was going to share about my kid in any way, even if it was just an innocent photo of us playing at the park, and not even any kind of more in depth than that, then I want it to be private. So I have control over who’s seeing my content or, you know, interacting with me online. Yeah. Yeah, I think that’s a great tip.

So how do you decide what parts of your life are shared publicly? And what stays private?

That’s a good question, too. I think, for me, I’ve really tried to look at Okay, what about this is about me, and what about what I’m sharing is about someone other than myself, that might not be mine to share. Or if it’s partly my story, who else is going to be affected by me telling the story I’ve shared before publicly that I have a issue with my father, we don’t have the best relationship I’ve, I’ve been a little like, sneaky about how I say it, because I’m not able to share the full story because it affects other members of my family. So it’s, it’s finding that balance of what’s okay for me to share, that’s only going to really come back on me versus that might come back and be harmful to other people other than myself, if that makes sense.

Yeah, it totally does. I think about this a lot. And you and I have talked via text about this before have you know, that kind of before I share a post and you know, obviously, on my platform, I talk a lot about adoption from education advocacy standpoint. But I also just share, you know, personal things as well. And I definitely try to think of it from a Is this about me specifically, am I sharing from my perspective, specifically, because I also try really hard not to speak for my husband on social media. Like there are some things where like, when we welcomed our daughter home, you know, I was able to say like we are so thrilled to introduce you to because yes, we were both thrilled to introduce the world to our data. But for the most part, I try to talk specifically from my perspective. And just not speak for him because he gets to decide if he wants to share about something and he gets to decide if he wants to talk about it or not. You know, so even even there, I try to really respect some boundaries to not just be like, Oh my god, yes, Alex and I are just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, cuz we’re not. We did not have a joint social media account, y’all were not those favorite people? Oh, my gosh. No, judge. Okay. Yeah, there’s some judgment. Sorry, I’m not even gonna say no judgement. But yeah, I don’t know. I just, I think it’s important to just try to like not, not speak for other people. For me, that’s my boundary for some Pete for other people that might be a different, or they might have a different boundary. But for me, it is, am I speaking for myself? And from my perspective? And am I speaking for someone else when I shouldn’t be? I think that’s a really good boundary to have.

That reminded me Stephie, I think that’s really good. And it reminded me too, that if I do want to share someone else’s perspective, or if I’m tempted to share something that might be a bit more personal with another family member, or extended family member, to ask for their permission to do so. I mean, I always ask, like, if I post a picture, if we’re visiting with sanas birth family, or, you know, if there’s any kind of sensitive family information just between me and my sister, or whatever, and I feel compelled to share it, I, if I feel comfortable asking those people, if it’s people that I feel comfortable with, of course, like family and close friends, I’ll ask them, and they, they can always say no, and sometimes they’ll say no, and sometimes they won’t.

Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I think just having having some manners. Now, I think that’s just good. Like, take us a really long way this people like have some manners. So, you know, I think a lot of people really struggle with feeling like you have to, like publish every experience in their lives be be very small or very, very large. Is that something that you’ve struggled with? And how do you manage those feelings of like, Oh, my gosh, these people are sharing all of these things, I have to keep up, I have to share all of those things.

I think that’s a really great question. And that’s something I definitely struggled with, especially when I was in it for the, for the business that I had at the time for the MLM business that I was running. And I think I got so caught up in this is a source of livelihood for me, I need to be working constantly, meaning I need to be sharing content constantly, I need to be on my phone interacting with people constantly. And it got a little bit unhealthy at a point to be honest. And I think what really opened my eyes was stepping away from that, and being more present. I mean, my husband had a real big sit down with me like your phone is a problem right now. Like you were always recording everything we do. Can it just be me and you for a moment? like can we just play cards without you taken out to do a story about and we had to set some boundaries. And I think that it started there. And then of course, I’m not in, I’m not active in my business as much anymore. And so taking a step back, and taking a break from social media really allowed me to see how much more I enjoy being in the present and how much less anxiety I have than trying to film every single moment that I’m in, you know what I mean?

Yeah, absolutely. Because I think I mean, magga and again, I won’t speak for you because I try not to do that. But I know like as a blogger. You just like see people sharing all of these things and every meal that they’re eating every restaurant they go to and like it’s exhausting. It’s exhausting.

It’s very exhausting to to watch it but also I used to go to restaurant openings and special tastings all the time and it would be you know, it wouldn’t be just me it’d be me and you six other bloggers all trying to take photos of all the things right and like you couldn’t touch anything. You had to take your photos Yeah,

wait till everyone got their perfect photo they bring out the plates and everybody you know you have to arrange the plate so that then everyone can stand on their chair and get their shot and did everyone get their shot and like can I fucking eat this food now cuz it’s cold. Like I just want to drink this cocktail. Oh my god and so you know when I know like when Megan and I go out to eat we like might Instagram like a quick shot just to be like Look, we’re out in public, but also maybe we don’t and we eat everything. And then it looks like frickin animals have attacked the table. And we’re like, we didn’t share a single thing. But also we were just really keyed in on like, enjoying time with each other and our friends or our family that were there. And I have no regrets about that.

And also actually kind of swings back the other way, though, because you are not the only friend I have this problem with where we don’t really take pictures and move out. Or do stuff at all. So we have no photos together. That is awesome. Yeah. Yeah, we’re just always like we have, we have so much fun just hanging out and being together and doing whatever it is, we’re doing that we never take photos.

Yeah, we spent two days together in Chicago, and like two full days together and Chicago and and take a picture. No, we did not sweat, isn’t it?

Isn’t it wild though, how, like, less stressful that is, though, like, even tonight, we had some neighbors over for dinner. And so it wasn’t even like a big trip. We just had a few next door neighbors over for dinner, and I didn’t whip out my phone or anything. And we had conversations. And I was just like, for some reason, I just didn’t feel that pressure to have to snap a quick story around the table, or, you know what I mean, it’s just an I get like, it’s the dichotomy of I really would love to have these memories, you know, to look back on like, it would be fun to take a few pics of this. Um, but finding that balance can definitely be be tricky, I think.

Yeah, sometimes you have to like almost swing in both directions to then find sort of like a pendulum, you have to go on both extremes to sort of figure out your spot somewhere in the middle there. I feel like

so what we need to do is, then next time, just be like, we’ll take a picture. Like, first thing when we look our best, and then we can just forget about it there.

Right? Because you do always look your best. So then you give me a cocktail, and I do not look my best after that. You know, it’s fine. Um, so you know, kind of along with this, Jade, how do you personally know when you need to take a step back from social media and take a break, obviously, you know, at one point, Michael sort of set you down and said, Hey, like this is a problem. But just sort of in your day to day, you actually are one of my friends that I think is really good at this of, you know, just sometimes your ice, I can just see that you’re not as active on social media, and I know that you are live in real life and taking a break. But how do you kind of know when you need to do that?

It’s kind of a mixture of both. So in a sense that I’m independent with it, but also Michael still needs to remind me. I think I’m slowly learning to like, recognize it independently. And I think a little bit of that comes with I noticed that I’m way more anxious, the more access I have to social media. So whether that’s feeling pressured to publish, whether that’s you know, seeing issues being posted, and and especially, you know, with 2020 and into this new year, I guess we’re halfway through so it’s not even the New Year anymore. My gosh, aren’t we like halfway through this year? Almost. Yeah. Whoo. Um, but I noticed myself feeling more anxious. And when I start to feel anxious, then I’ll start to be like, Okay, well, how much have I posted? How, how many minutes have I spent on Instagram or on Facebook scrolling, and making that correlation of, Okay, it’s time for me to go plug in my phone. And sometimes it does take literally take me to just go put it on my bedside table, plug it in, shut my bedroom door and go back downstairs. Like, out of sight out of mind.

Yeah, I think that that’s smart. I think that we don’t walk away from our phones enough. Like, even just, and Megan and I’ve talked a little bit about this, but you know, even just having your phone go on Do Not Disturb, I think can really help at a certain point in the evening. So like, even if you’re by your phone, and that’s where it’s plugged in or charging or something you don’t hear it like dinging and getting you’re not getting like notifications every five minutes if somebody is texting you.

Small things like that, I think can help a lot. Oh, totally. And to add on to that, for someone with immense anxiety, like if it’s on Do Not Disturb and there’s a fire and my mom tries to call me and you know, what am I going to do? I didn’t know this, but did you know that you can like omit certain people from the Do Not Disturb list so that they can still get through to you. If it’s an emergency. See, so like your dad, your brother, your husband like Michael’s always off my Do Not Disturb. So that way if he’s ever gone, or if there’s an emergency somewhere and my phone’s on silent, his ringer or his texts will still come through.

I didn’t know that. Yeah, I did, though. Because I have, you know, I have my husband. And I think it’s like, you can put it on your, if you have an iPhone, you can put the person on your favorites list and then in your like, set Do Not Disturb settings, I think you can like set it so that the people on your favorites list will ring through no matter what. So yes, yeah, it’s a very helpful thing. But also also, if they call you twice, within like three minutes or something, if they are not on the Do Not if they are not on your favorites list or whatever. They call you twice within, like, I think it’s like three minutes, maybe you can change that. Then they’ll ring through so Oh, I didn’t know that. Yeah. So even if there’s not like, if it’s really an emergency, they’re most likely probably going to call you. Like a couple of times, if you don’t pick up you know, so then it breaks through. Well, it’s also good to know. It’s like someone with anxiety designed.

Yes. I love it. Like what if someone’s ya know, what, what if that happened?

Yeah. So though is you know, here we are just educating all around. But no, I think that that’s, I think that that’s really smart. Just knowing and knowing your personal boundaries. And like, again, I know the iPhone has, like a What is it a screen time thingy?

Yeah, it’s like a weekly screen, it tracks your how much time you’re on, on your on your devices. So then every Sunday, you get an update, but how many hours you spent a day on your device,

I don’t have a setup, because I don’t want to know, but, um, it’s probably a smart thing to set up if you are trying to manage some of that stuff and trying to keep yourself from, you know, spending all of your time on social media. So, you know, there’s there’s always that if you’re, you still want to be on but don’t want to just be spending your entire life there. That’s definitely a good a good thing to use. Oh, totally. I

tried to do now. Because one of my, one of my, I wouldn’t say triggers necessarily, but when I start scrolling, and I realize a lot of time has passed. Like, that’s the sign for me that I need to get off. But I try to remember that. If I am not on social media, I pretty much don’t miss anything. If I just turn it off for a day, or if I don’t log into Facebook for a week or whatever, like nothing’s happened. It’s fine, right? I won’t like the world. If the world is burning down, I will find out another way. It will all be okay. I just think we’re just so programmed now to wake up. You grab your phone, you cycle through all of your social media apps that you use if you do Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. And then like two hours have gone by and you’re still in bed. And then so I actually kind of did a social media experiment of sorts for my birthday. And I promised this is not like a fishing for things related to my birthday thing, but it was it was a thing to see what would happen when I hit my birthday on Facebook. Yeah, and what happened Meghan? I was completely unsurprised to find out that the only people who wished me a happy birthday were the people who actually really wanted me to have a happy birthday. You wanted to hear from and who I wanted to hear from? Yes, I got text messages from all of my very favorite friends. I got some emails from people. And I got some stuff in the mail. And that was it. I got like, my dad also did post on my wall, but like, he’s my dad, and that’s what dads do. But I did not get you know, 150 Happy Birthday messages from people that I barely know. And ligated to respond to. Yeah, it felt really nice actually to not get that and I think a lot of people really enjoy that facet of Facebook. They’re like, Oh, it helps me remember when my friends birthdays are and yes it does but also You’re right. It just kind of has that Weird reciprocal, like I got to remember their birthday because they wish me a happy birthday this year. And if they don’t wish me happy birthday, then I’m gonna unfollow them. Like, it just makes it does not mean anything. Yeah, and like all the likes and hearts and all the things now nothing means anything anymore. No, it really doesn’t. Well, they’re like vanity measurements at this point, you know? Yeah, yeah, they really I think it’s unhealthy. So totally. And it’s funny, you should, sorry. Oh, no, go ahead.

I was gonna say it’s funny, you should mention that Megan about first thing in the morning, because I used to be so bad about that I would first thing in the morning, my alarm would go off, and I would just grab my phone and start scrolling through. And there would be some mornings, like you said, where it’s like, two hours later, I’m still in the bed scrolling. And I’m like, oh, but something that’s been helpful for me recently is really setting boundaries. And I haven’t been a little loose on these boundaries lately. But, um, times where I, like dedicate to where I’m gonna sit down for an hour, and I’m just gonna, like, play on my phone for an hour. And then times where I’m like, no phone allowed time. Like, this is like an mornings have been one of those time for me where my alarm will go off, which is my phone. And I’ll just hit it off, and I won’t look at it. And I won’t lie the first couple of times, like was a little painful for me not to not to look at my phone first thing, which I was like, How sad is that? But I think Yeah, setting those boundaries is really important and can be really difficult.

Yeah, for sure. Um, so I, I want to like circle back real quick to the talking about our kids thing. Because, you know, Jade You and I have littles who don’t, you know, know how to wipe their butts yet. But, um, you know, I know, I’ve seen a number of my parrot friends who have older kids, and whether they be teenagers or just old enough to kind of understand consent in general, that will not post anything about their kids that their kids have not explicitly said, like, yes, you can post that picture, or yes, you can post about me graduated from high school or going to prom or like, whatever it is. So I always think that, that that’s an interesting way to take it to, especially if it’s on a more public platform like Instagram, and your Instagram is open. But I’ve seen even folks that won’t share about their older kids on like, their private Facebook pages, accounts just because their teens are like, No, I’m not, I don’t really want you to. So, yeah, I always think that, that that is an interesting thing to think about as well.

It is interesting, and I think it’s important too. And Stephanie, do you follow sex positive families on Instagram, I don’t, but I’m going to go right now and do that. They’re awesome. And they talk a lot about consent, even down to like tickling and posting pictures of your kids and sharing moments on social media, that kind of stuff that um, and it’s, it’s really fascinating. And she had done a post about remind me of my nephew, because he hates taking pictures. But she had done a post about forcing your kids to even take pictures. So when you’re even if you’re not going to post them, maybe grandma’s in town, and you want to do a family photo, and it’s going to be for grandma on our frigerator. And the kid does not adamantly does not want his photo taken, like instead of making him take the photo, like honor his wish and not make him take and just let him step out of the photo. And, and I had some mixed feelings about this. At first, I really did. And I had to sit with them. And really think about them because I think it would be sad to miss out on family photos or to have a kid miss out on a family photo because they’re being a stinker. And they don’t want their photo taken. Right. But you know, but I think she did it in a way that was really good to like, you can explain to the kid why this is important to you. And that you would really like to have them be a part of the picture. But at the end if he still doesn’t want to be in the picture then don’t want to be in the picture. And it was just a really interesting perspective. And I I have thought about that with Sienna being older, like how much is she going to want me to post on my accounts about her or you know, things that she’s accomplished at school or in sports or whatever, even though my stuff is private? Like she might not even want me to share anything about her and that I guess I won’t that would be a little sad to me, I think because I love her so much. I want to share her all the time with everyone. Right? Who doesn’t want to talk about how much they love their kids and how great their kids are. But it is it’s it’s it’s interesting to think about and like you said before in the beginning Stephie our parents didn’t go through this like they don’t we we don’t really have a good model of of this. It’s all still so new and we’re gonna kind of be that model For our own kids, so I think just empowering them and their choices is important. I think

for my teenager, at least, it seems like they are definitely more aware of the idea that everything lives forever. And they definitely understand the idea of consent more than we ever did when we were kids. And they just seem to be approaching I think they seem to be approaching social media in general, much more carefully. And I don’t know if that’s just because we’ve all been through it now. And now it’s kind of been kind of figured out at this point. It’s just been interesting to watch.

Well, I think that’s great. Megan, about your kids. And it provides me a little bit of relief, hopefully for for the future for my daughter, because sometimes I think about like, the internet is scary. And I have made tons of mistakes, and things can last forever on there. And it’s freaky. And yeah, I just, I hope that she learns from my mistakes, and that we’re able to have conversations open and honest with her about the internet and all of the good and bad that comes with it and that she’ll take a similar approach as your kids.

What’s bringing us joy?

Jade, thank you so much for joining us today and having this conversation with us. So let’s wrap up the week with joy. What is bringing you joy this week? Jade?

Well, thank you so much for having me. Um, I think one of the biggest things that has brought me joy this week, is that my daughter is starting to say my name more so she calls me Mama. And it’s just been the sweetest thing to hear her say that whenever she needs me and I melt into a puddle every time. I love it. I love it. They’re a little cute little toddler baby voices. They’re just the best too much. It’s too much. For me what’s bringing you joy. So I actually have two things. One is so my husband’s birthday is tomorrow as we’re recording this. And I had already gotten him a birthday present and a father’s day present because that’s in a few weeks. But someone in one of the nerdy Facebook groups I’m in posted that they had gotten a Bob Ross Funko Pop. And my husband has this like secret deep love for Bob Ross. So I absolutely had to get it for him. And I gave it to him on Sunday when it came and he was so excited. And it’s Bob Ross and he’s holding a little painting and then he has a little raccoon. It’s fucking great. Why don’t you ever we’re not really sure but also it’s really cute. So like this a cute woodland creature I guess. I don’t know. It’s pretty great though. And so now he sits on our mantel next to the little Lego Bob Ross that my mother in law gave him and then she also found this like little small Bob Ross bobblehead that has like a little button and you push it and it has recordings of him saying different things that she gave to him over the weekend. So we are starting to have quite the Bob Ross collection on our mantel which I didn’t exactly say was the perfect place for all the Bob Ross’s to live but here we are. And that’s apparently our mantel decor. I think it’s the perfect place for Bob Ross to live so Bob Ross times three maybe four now I’m not really sure we’ve got a number of Bob Ross’s and then the second thing is in another so I’m like in a couple of nerdy Facebook groups. And one of them is a crafting group and we did a like spring summer craft swap and everything was like had to be shipped out as of this week, and I made the person that I was making something for really like shits Creek and so I did a little shits Creek cross stitch. And then what I got was the gal that did mine is she figured out that I do the podcast and so she did an embroidery that says I’d rather stay in has these beautiful flowers on it and I was so excited to open the mail. See that today. So gotta find it very, very, very pretty. So I’ve got to find like a special spot. Maybe over here. We’re kind of by where I record to put that so that made me very happy. Be Meghan, what’s bringing you joy? School is over. You don’t even need to say anything else. The longest school year in the history of man,

right? It was the longest school year and also like, weird because the end of last year was at home so they didn’t have like a traditional end of last year. And then they didn’t have a traditional start of this year. And then they just did the whole year at home. So that was also weird. We’re not like, you know, usually when the end of the year you’re like, yeah, the end of the year, right? You have like your field day and you have parties and popsicle afternoons and all sorts of crazy fun stuff. And none of that happened, but it’s all over.

Did you take them to go get like ice cream? Or did you guys do anything fun to market?

Well, Friday, it was cold and rainy. Oh, yeah, it was really cool. We were going to get ice cream. But then the weather was horrible. Fair. We did something else that I can literally not remember even though that was only like four days ago.

Honestly, that’s the longest school year known to man. I don’t know what we did. We did something I think. I guess. I don’t know.

Well, I’m all done.

I know what we did. I let them choose dinner. That’s what happened. And so that was the trade off. Well, there you go. That’s fun. Did did Reese choose Taco Bell? Oh, no, they chose another place that I don’t like go into but I let them have it. This one time. Man, I don’t like going there for ethical reasons, not for food reasons. So note, I can probably guess what it is. Anyway. It’s over. Today was the first official day of break because I you know if you can’t you can’t count the weekend. And then you can’t count yesterday cuz that was a holiday. So yeah. first real day, we went to the library. And it’s a pretty great library. I’m excited. Did you see be able to go? Did you sign up for summer reading? I did not. But we might when we go back. Probably go back next week. I’m sure that they will have read all their books by them. So love it. And I got my Kevin Kwan book that I want to say when when all around

Next week’s episode

Hey, well, big applause for them making it and you making it and nobody killing anybody else in the process. Here, here, here here. We are going to take the rest of the month off. Yeah, have a little summer vacation of our own. We are we some of us will actually take little vacations. Some of us will not we’ll just have to see what happens. But we will be back in the month of July. So in the meantime, leave us a review on Apple podcasts or listen to us on your favorite platform. You can also follow us on social media on social media at irsipodcast or send us an email at idratherstayinpodcast@gmail.com we’d love to hear from you. Bye

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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