Hello! Welcome to episode 102 of I’d Rather Stay In. This week, we’re talking all about toxic positivity.

Quick links

• Dirty Rotten Church Kids podcast
• Em & Friends empathy cards

Episode transcript

Megan
Welcome to I’d rather stay in with Stephie Predmore And Megan Myers. This week we’re chatting all about toxic positivity. Stay tuned.

Stephie
Do you love listening to I’d rather stay in and want to support the podcast? Well, now you can visit our website or the link in our Instagram profile and click Buy me a coffee or visit buymeacoffee.com/irsipodcast. For the price of a cup of coffee, you can help us cover the costs of creating this podcast. There are no monthly memberships, and you could support us at whatever level you like, whenever you like, whether you buy us one coffee, many coffees or simply continue listening as always, we’re so grateful for your support

Hi, Megan. Hi. I’m sitting here looking at

Megan
you. This is so weird.

Stephie
Okay, so guys, we have typically never like we’ve never actually recorded sitting in the same room before. Because when we started the podcast, I lived in Illinois, and Megan lived in Texas, that she moved to Illinois. But we would just always record in the evenings because of work. And I quit my corporate job and my last day was yesterday. So now we can record together in the middle of the day. Today. It’s truly I am. My brain is just having a hard time Fathom and

Megan
it’s really it’s really weird. So

Stephie
we are here coming to you live from Megan’s basement. staring at each other. It’s a whole new world for us. Megan, what’s new with you?

Megan
I had a dream last night. I’d like to tell you about this do so every once in a while I have a dream about this guy from high school. Like I have told you about him before. We will call him. Carl. Okay, Carl, I did know a guy named Carl in high school. But this is not him. I’m talking about you. Right? You’re listening. It’s not you. So this guy was very popular. Everyone loved him, whatever. Like I probably had like an internal like credit never accepted because everyone else liked me. You know, that’s the way I am. Yeah. And so every once in a while, have a dream about him and had a dream last night. And I don’t even know like a context of like, how we met up or whatever. But he was telling me I was like, Oh, would you still live in wherever you live? Not gonna say on the weird off chance that he would possibly live. And he was like, No, we have to move because, you know, my, my wife’s in the military. And I was like, Oh, that’s really interesting. Cool. What does she do in the military? And he says, she’s a dancer

What is wrong with my brain? That is the main extent of that dream. Like I had to remember I woke up later. Like, really soon after that. I’m like, I have to remember this detail.

Stephie
She was a

Megan
dancer, dancer for the military.

Stephie
I’m nasty. Now I’m trying to think of like, how the military could use dancers to their benefit. I’m gonna I’m going to be pondering on this for a while.

Megan
I mean, you know, they do train like, I’m the military doesn’t, but like football players take dance classes for like flexibility and be light on. So she could be like a dance trainer.

Stephie
Oh, there we go. Okay. It’s possible. There you go.

Megan
Bless you never know.

Stephie
You never know what the military is doing secretly. Right? Maybe dancers start to say excellent dream. Thank you for the I dream the other day that I was pregnant and actually happy about it, which was weird. Sorry. People that don’t know even though I went through years of infertility, absolutely no desire to be pregnant now. Zero, less. It is negative desire. So I was like, I woke up and I was like, Oh, God, that was weird. Nope. No, thank you.

Megan
Yeah, I would not want to be pregnant. Now. Somebody asked me something fairly recently about like having more kids or something. And I was like, oh, that sounds terrible. Like I I was really sick with Reese. I wasn’t it wasn’t so bad with Max. Like, overall pregnancy wasn’t that bad, but also like, I’m almost 42 And I would definitely not do it. I mean, it is literally exhausting.

Stephie
At 33 I’m like, that sounds really tiring. Sounds like I’m really good. I genuinely give it up to the moms that have like toddlers and are pregnant like i There truly is like no, I could not Do that. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. So I give it up to all of you ladies out there who have done that. Because as for me bless and you know what? It’s okay to admit that. Yeah, we’re gonna have to be positive about it. You know why? Why Stephie we don’t have to be positive about everything.

Megan
I think that is a great segue into our topic today. So proud of

Stephie
myself for that one. So, y’all, we’re gonna talk about toxic positivity today. Because it’s a thing. It has

Megan
been running rampant, and I but I do think that there has been a lot of pushback in recent years, and I appreciate that greatly. But it’s still out there. Yes, still everywhere. Yes. So if you don’t know what toxic positivity is, you do you just maybe haven’t like thought about it? But it’s this weird obsession with positive thinking, you know, like the good vibes only situations. And it’s things people always think you should put positive spin on, no matter what it is.

Stephie
Yes. Yeah. So it can be like, the most tragic thing ever. And like you lose age, you miscarry a pregnancy, you’re you lose a child, and you’re told, Well, you should be happy because you still have other children. Or like, see, you know, there’s just like taking something truly, truly tragic and being like, well, but there’s positivity. Yeah. To be found here.

Megan
Right. Like, someone dies? Well, least your had your time with them. Like, you can be sad, right? You are allowed to have emotions. But it’s not even just huge things like that. It could be like day to day things. Yes,

Stephie
day to day things for you to like, if you just put positive vibes out there, you’re going to get the positive vibes back, we just need to have find joy in the five little tribes. Yes, there’s like all sorts of little sayings. I actually having grown up in evangelical church, they are really, really guilty of this. There’s so much toxic positivity in the church. I was actually, I’ve been listening to the dirty rotten church kids podcast on the recommendation of our friend Caleb, it’s excellent for any of you who have been going through like a deconstruction phase, or exvangelicals sometimes the Instagram and Twitter are tick tock, probably on Twitter, too. I don’t spend any time on Twitter couldn’t tell you. Um, but there’s so much of like, well, and you just need to find joy and Jesus and your deaths. You know, if you’re, if you have the sads, it’s your own fault. It’s certainly not, you know, a chemical imbalance where your body does not make its own serotonin and you need storebought serotonin, it’s, it’s your own fault. And you just need to think more positively and be more grateful for things that you have in your life and all of the blessings that have been given to you and that kind of thing. So yeah, like, I’d say, like, there’s a, there’s a chance that you just haven’t thought about it in the terms of toxic positivity. But once you think of, for me, once I started to think of it that way, it’s impossible not to see it.

Megan
Yeah. And I think there is a benefit of, you know, looking at the good things that you do have and being grateful for that. But that also does not negate all of the bad things that you are feeling or that have happened to you.

Stephie
Well, right. And like because I think one of the most dangerous things about this like toxic positivity movement, as this good vibes only movement, is that it really like diminishes and demeans, just like chemical imbalances, and genuine just like, mental illnesses and things that you cannot control.

Megan
Yeah, I think it makes it sound like, if you are not positive, then obviously there’s something wrong with you. But we’re not going to talk about it because we don’t talk about mental health. Right. But if you can’t be positive than like, it’s your own. It’s your own fault. And I think there’s a feeling to where a lot of people are like, well, you know, they’re not positive person. I don’t want them in my life like well, there’s a there’s a line between like, the extremely positive person who, like, will not let not positive people in their life. And then crazy in the other side with like, people who are always always sad. But they need to, there’s a middle, there’s a middle. Yeah,

Stephie
we’re like you can the people who are constantly shitting on things just because they can shit on it. Yes. And then there’s people who are just like normal. They’re just human.

Megan
Right? They’re just human beings. Yeah. And there’s nothing wrong with

Stephie
that. No, there’s nothing wrong being human, there’s nothing not wrong with needing a little bit of storebought serotonin. Lord knows we all need it from time to time, some of us need it all of the time. So, yeah, I think that that’s like genuinely the danger of going from Okay, I’m going to take a few moments to feel grateful for the good things in my life or feel joy about this thing. And then crossing the line over to happiness is all I’m allowed to feel.

Megan
Right. Right. I think one thing that always comes to mind when I think of toxic positivity is you know, it was it was just Valentine’s Day. And you know, Valentine’s Days, whatever. Whether you think it’s a fake holiday, you love Valentine’s Day, if

Stephie
you can tell Megan is not a Valentine’s fanatic.

Megan
Hi. Okay, so keep

Stephie
your child wrote,

Megan
oh, I don’t have it on front of me. Oh,

Stephie
I bet I can find it.

Megan
Um, I mean, I will just say, as a tourist horses actually very romantic at heart. However, the other people in our lives generally don’t understand that about us and do not like, make it part of our lives. Anyway, whatever, I’ve found a different way I show love in a different way. It’s fine. Um, but I think for a lot of people on Valentine’s Day, they feel this. Like toxic positivity pressure, to show everyone else in the world, how much they love, love, or how much they love their partner, how much their partner loves them, and they blast it all over the fucking place. And if you love your partner, I’m happy for you, I want you to have a successful relationship that is great and awesome. But to also be blasting all of this toxic positive, like this is my lover, my partner, the greatest thing that ever happened in my life and blow like, I feel like that makes people who aren’t necessarily in a good relationship, or even

Stephie
just in a normal ass relation in a normal relationship, just like, don’t want to look at your partner’s face.

Megan
Yes, and it’s not to negate like their positive feelings. But right when they only do that and show it’s like the people, you guys all have these friends on Facebook, who only share how much they love their partners or whatever. And you know that it’s all a friend seven

Stephie
out of 10 times they end up divorced, seven out of 10 times those people later, like, did a few years down the road, or you see that they’re dating someone else. And you’re like, oh, like they very quietly got divorced. Or whatever. I see this I see this with parenting too. And I mean is it is such a just a social media problem, which we’ve talked about before, of people showing their you know, the highlight reel, but there you get the people. So a lot of times are the same people as the like, I just love my husband so much. And people have the like, oh my gosh, I’m just so blessed with my children. And I love them so much. And like it’s not like Megan and I are over here not loving our kids. Y’all don’t like we are over here not loving our husbands and our kids. But

Megan
being married is hard. And having kids is hard.

Stephie
Yeah, I say this often, like being a mother is my greatest joy in life. And but parenting Loki sucks. Like, there’s like two different things, right? It’s like, I like being like, my husband spouse is great, but marriage sometimes sucks. Like, they’re almost like two different things. So I think it’s okay to recognize that and when that is that positivity, or that like, oh, when you see people only sharing heavily, heavily, heavily, heavily about like, oh my gosh, my kids are the most perfect kids ever. And they’re so great. And we did this cute craft together and there were no messes and everything was happy and sunshine and rainbows and there were absolutely no tears or tantrums whatsoever on this four mile hike that we just went on or like whatever it is. When you have a real life experience and your kid you set up a cute activity and your kid has a complete tantrum. And it’s a nightmare. You think that you are suddenly there’s something wrong with you? Yeah, like oh my gosh, am I a terrible parent? Am I Am I the terrible parent because I forgot that classroom. Valentine’s were a thing had to order some last minute from Jeff Bezos. And then all of the other daycare parents went bananas with like little gift bags and hey, Handmade Valentine’s like, No? Will ask human being like, these are the things that

Megan
there’s a reason why my child goes to daycare. Not because I wants to her on hand making Valentine’s

Stephie
right? shots to the moms that do it. Like, if you that is your thing and you love it. I am very happy for you. Yeah, but I have apparently a bare minimum kind of take care ma. And I

Megan
think it’s to the same thing where with toxic cars to be where you like try to make people like value what they have or whatever. Like if you want to come you complain about something that your child does, or I complain about my husband or whatever. And then someone will be like, well, at least you’re married. At least right? I have a child like Yes. Like, yes, I am very grateful for those things. But also, like, human experience, like you said, we’re allowed to voice our opinions and our feelings.

Stephie
There’s a there’s also like, there’s a there’s a matter of reading the room, I think in any situation, right? Whether you whether you feel like you need to vent about something, or you want to express gratitude and joy about something, there’s like this, like, need to read the room. Like, I am not going to like if you are super fertile, and you have all of the kids, and you want to like bitch about your kids, or you want to complain about something in your pregnancy, like you have every right to do that. But doing it maybe to like your super infertile friend who just desperately wants to be a parent, it might not be the best. Like that might not be the best idea. Right? Or like, similarly, like running around and flaunting like all the happy things in your marriage to your friend that just like, is single and just desperately wants to go on a date with someone who’s not a total douche. Like that also, yeah, be the best idea. So just generally, in life, I think a good rule is like, maybe you need maybe we just need to read the room and know who were who are like the safe people. Yeah, about these? Yes. Whether it’s positive or negative?

Megan
Yeah, I think it has to do with empathy as well as interesting the other day. I don’t know if there was a commercial or some show that Max was watching. But he said something. He’s like, Well, everyone has empathy. And I’m like, Oh, honey, everyone does not have empathy.

Stephie
Yes, no, no, a lot of people a surprising number of people lack empathy.

Megan
Yeah, I think it’s, it’s you. It’s like reading the room. Like, it’s just a skill, a lot of times that people just don’t have, for whatever reason. I think a lot of it is modeled, for sure. But there’s also just like, you know, we all have different personalities. So yeah, there’s just some of it is something people have, and some people don’t. Yeah. Did you know that feeling guilty for your feelings is a sign of toxic positivity.

Stephie
Nope, that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. That absolutely, like internalized. Yeah. That totally makes sense how you could be, because I have often had to remind like friends, like in conversations, like your feelings are valid, gets Okay, to just feel what you’re feeling. And I mean, like, I’ve experienced that before, like, feeling guilty for feeling my own emotions and feelings. And a lot of therapy has a place of like, no, if a feeling crops up for you, like you have that feeling, and it’s valid, and like, sometimes you need to sit with it and think about like, why am I feeling this way? And, you know, what is this maybe digging up for me? And, like, there’s a lot of like, inner work that you can do and should do, always, but I think we have to remember that. Our feelings are totally valid. Yeah. And we can feel more than one thing at once. sometimes conflicting thing. Yes, at once. So, yeah, but I can see that that that guilt would be coming from internalized toxic positivity. That’s a phrase Yeah. So, you know, as you are, like living in the world, how do you combat toxic positivity in your life or in the lives of the people around you? Because, I mean, certainly, certainly, if you’re spending a lot of time on social media, it’s everywhere, for sure. But I think there I think there are offline spaces where you’re going to find it a lot too. Particularly, I mean, I think it also will depend a little bit on like, who you’re surrounding yourself with, not to be all anti MLM again. I think there’s A lot of it in like the MLM space and a lot of it in the like alternative health space and the like wellness space. All of those are sort of like a Venn diagram that looks like a stack of pancakes. Um, so I think depending on what space or you know, maybe you’re a part of the church or whatever, like, those are all spaces where you may encounter a lot of toxic positivity. So how do you combat that? Megan?

Megan
Um, boundaries were big fans of boundaries. But I also think that modeling the non toxic behavior is a good start, especially with the person that might be the person who is the toxic, positive person. It might not work necessarily, it depends on how much I think a lot of times a toxic person who has toxic positivity is not a good listener. And that’s part of the reason why they do that. Yeah. So it’s it, you know, over under on whether or not that would work, right? But, um, because you can’t just call out somebody necessarily, and be like, hey, you know, you have toxic positivity, right? Because they’re not gonna handle that very well. Obviously. So in your own life, you would you find the tools to like, really listen and dig down, like you said, therapy, digging into why you might feel shame and expressing why you actually feel a certain way. And then with other people, though, like, it’s so hard,

Stephie
it’s hard. I think it’s hard. I think it’s hard as humans, when we have someone we love who’s going through something terrible, like, we want to make it better. Like, we want to find a way to say something that’s going to make them feel better, right. And so I think in a lot of those situations like that, that’s not it’s not a purpose, you’re not purposefully trying to be, like, toxically positive, you’re just trying so hard to make them feel better, or forget about their pain, or, like, do anything to like, Take this, this pain and grief from them. And having been the person going through the horrible grief and pain and trauma, like, I’ma tell you right now, you, there’s nothing that you can say that’s going to make it better. There’s nothing that you can say that is going to actually take that pain away, or make them forget about the loss or the pain, or the trauma. And so, so many times, like, the most, the kindest thing that you can do for that person is to just listen, and just say I’m so sorry, this sucks. This really sucks. And like validate whatever they’re feeling in that moment. Yeah. Instead of, you know, like we said, like, well, you know, just think about all the good times you had together or you know, at least you still have blah, blah, blah, like, just sit with them. Let them cry. Maybe you don’t say anything. And you just are like, Hey, I’m going to come over and we’re going to eat ice cream, and cry and watch a movie. Like so often not saying anything is way better than saying just like platitudinous crap.

Megan
Yeah, when my friend my other friend’s mom died, I literally like just went over to her house. And we just kind of like, we just sat on our porch. And like, didn’t really talk. Mm hmm. And that was, I mean, I feel like it was good for her. Obviously, it would have to ask her but like, you don’t need to do all of these things that people try to do that they think are going to help necessarily like you just in that situation. You just want someone to be there. Yeah. So you know that you’re not alone.

Stephie
Yeah, it’s like a, there’s a company called em and friends. And they have this pack of like, I think they call them empathy cars instead of sympathy cards, because most sympathy cards suck. They’re toxically positive, they’re horrible. There’s tear and they’re tacky. And these cards are like, basically, they’re just like, This really sucks. And there’s nothing I can say to make it better. But I love you like that’s like, yeah, what the cards say? I actually have a pack of them just because it’s nice to have just randomly in case you need them. But like that’s the kind of that’s the kind of thing that is actually more helpful. Like this really blows.

Megan
Yeah. And I think is one of the things like being able to Have those real emotions like expressing if you’re one of the people who is expressing the toxic positivity, expressing the fake emotions, that is something that actually just creates more fake emotions. So this weird circle of behavior, which totally makes sense, especially in the way that like, the world works, and the way that people are, and we interact with each other, like, humans are pack animals. And so we, like all desperately, desperately want the approval of other people, whether we say it or not, that’s just the way we are, we all want to find our own little pack, or big pack. However, whatever side, you prefer joy, but we’re all going to do and say things that we think are the things other people want to hear. So we can be part of that. And I think that is really a lot of the root of why people try to be positive all the time to also like the crushing weight of the world, but

Stephie
details, small details. It’s fine. Not like the world feels like it’s coming to an end.

Megan
It’s fine. It’s fine. You know? So one thing that reminded me a lot of toxic positivity basically is is Do you remember at the beginning of lockdown so many so many years ago now, when I was

Stephie
a moons ago?

Megan
Um, you know, when we all thought it was gonna be like three weeks? Yes. And everyone was like, oh, you know, if you don’t come out of lockdown with like, a novel written and like in the best shape of your life and all of this that is how are you right name prime at toxic positivity home to get the best shape of your life making all this home cooked meals. new hobby. The worst? Yeah,

Stephie
it’s okay. To be like, Whoa. We’re experiencing something that no one has really experienced before. And it’s okay. If you’re just surviving.

Megan
Also, like, that didn’t work for almost anyone because remember how everyone’s made sourdough, like the beginning. lasted two seconds.

Stephie
How many people have dead sourdough starters right now?

Megan
Probably. Most of them at 5.9%. Yes. And the other people who have them still are the people who are always making

Stephie
are the ones who had the sourdough starter to begin with it you all were getting your sourdough starter from I was that person. You were all getting your starter for me. Yeah, it really. Yeah. All that to say like, has we continue on in this lovely pandemic? I think we have finally reaching a point where people are starting to realize like, or say more vocally. If you’re just surviving on a day to day basis. It’s okay. Because I also think for parents, particularly parents of older children. I think it’s likely been particularly draining because you’re trying to, like not let your children know that you think the world is coming to an end. I mean, Megan, you can speak to this. My child has to she has no idea. This is all she’s ever lived but Right. Like,

Megan
faking? Yeah, faking that everything’s okay. Basically, yeah, but at the same time, like you, you should be able to tell your kids that it’s not okay. But also like, you don’t want to give your eight year old anxiety. Right? The world might explode. So I mean, that’s like a general basis. Anyway, so parroting the parenting thing. Like parenting sucks things that you did not think you would have to think about when you became a parent. But especially in COVID where you have to be like explaining why you have to do all these things and just everything that comes up because of it it’s it’s a lot why do we have to wear

Stephie
a mask? Why are those people not wearing masks? Why do we have to get this shot? Where are those people not getting the shots? Why are we still wearing masks even though we have gotten the shot? Why are school virtual why are we going back? Why is why do we where did it close? Ah

Megan
luckily I’ve been really lucky that my kids have been very fine with all of that in general like they’ve just been like, oh skulls at home. Okay. Oh, we have generally pretty okay. It’s like, it’s fine. I know. It’s not fine for a lot of people though. So yes, it’s been a lot.

Stephie
It’s a lot it’s a lot to tackle, like you said just with like everyday parenting but then you’re in this like completely different situation. If you have, you know if you have a particularly like sensitive kid who is just like really attuned to their emotions and other people’s emotions, like I know, I’ve got some friends with super sensitive kids, it’s been extra hard for them. So all that to say like, you’re just barely hobbling along. You’re doing great.

Megan
The other thing about the that, like, oh, everyone’s at home, so you should, you know, be so productive. Like, in general, Americans have a problem with productivity all the time. Where, like, if you’re not busy, there’s something wrong with you, which, no, thank you. It’s not just that you’re at home, having fun on your time with COVID, whatever, but like, we’re all expected to just continue on with our regular lives and jobs as though nothing has happened. And that is a huge toxic positivity. It’s, it’s like we’re all we’re all gaslighting ourselves. Yeah, it’s, it’s, it’s

Stephie
a truly like crushing, because it’s, I mean, you know, when lockdown first started, and there were a lot of restaurant workers, and, you know, people who worked in nail salons and hair salons, and you know, the folks that like, could not go to work, like they just were, they literally were at home with no job to do at that moment. But then there, we had all of the people working corporate jobs that were now working from home, and their kids were home, and they’re trying to do virtual school with their kids. And like all of these things, and you think, like you said, we all thought it was gonna be a few weeks, and we’re like, okay, we can power through this for a few weeks. And a few weeks has turned into two years. And it’s still continuing, like, what do we do? And apparently the answer is just keep on keeping on your work produce productivity must continue to be at its exact same level, we can’t let our the quality of our work dip or slide. Oh, you’ve used up all of your sick days for COVID already. And now your kids are had an exposure at school and they have to be humped. That’s too bad. I guess you got to take those unpaid days. But hey, when you come back, I still expect all of this work to be done.

Megan
Yeah. Yep. Yep. And we’ve just

Stephie
like, put our heads in the sand about the problem. Like that’s not that is not working. It’s not working.

Megan
Yeah, I think it’s interesting, because I have have some friends in Europe, who have been like, and another kind of like, I have a friend in New Zealand who has a business and it’s not doing well, but like, they had so many different protocols were like when they had lockdown, like in France, where one of my friends lives. It was locked down. Yeah, like you could not be on the street unless you had a past to be on the street. And here in America, like, we all know, we don’t have to get into it. And so like, it’s just so different, where like, they, they took it so differently. And I wonder what the like work situation is like over there where it’s like, did you still have to just keep going in you know, meet your q4 expectations are whatever fiscal numbered blah, blah, blah, nonsense, because that’s the way life is or were you allowed to, like, was it more like express the what’s happening,

Stephie
right? Or is it more like, you know, when people give birth in Europe, and they’re actually allowed to take like, real time off a whole year? A whole a whole year? And not really come back? After six weeks? At most? Yeah, sometimes. Or like maybe you got paid maybe then who knows? Um, and like, be expected just like continue on. Oh, sorry. You have to pump well. I don’t have a place for you to do that. So you are purchasing have to go into the bathroom and be happy that I gave you a bathroom to sit in while you pump and I’m letting you have your 20 minutes of government allotted time to do that. Like there’s just this and I get that the Yeah, like the world needs to continue turning and so yes, people doing their jobs helps the world to continue turning but also Where’s where’s the balance for workers who are just at their wit’s end

Megan
right it’s all fake guys.

Stephie
All that to say like, I think yeah, I think that this like concept of toxic positivity, it leeches into so many areas.

Megan
It really does it snowballs into all parts of our lives I think and I mean, I don’t know if it’s just related to capitalism or

Stephie
capitalism. Well.

Megan
I don’t know. It’s, um, we’ll see. We’ll see as as we continue to get older and watch the world burn, I suppose. I do. I do think there’s been, you know, some changes. I think a lot of people are paying more attention to these kinds of things and to mental health in general. But I think it’ll be a long time before. I mean, obviously, like a pandemic didn’t stop people. Like, we got a Zoom meeting,

Stephie
barely showing the cracks in the foundation. I mean, like, I was on Twitter last night, and I had like two videos in a row come up on my FYP that just legitimately had me on here. What did I say

Megan
said Twitter, DM.

Stephie
Y’all are not on Twitter. I don’t know why keep doing that. I was on Tik Tok last night. And I had two videos come up in a row on my FYP that just like legitimately had me like in tears, they were both by teachers about the education system. One is a teacher, who, you know, she was saying, like she gave, she turned in her notice, like that day that she made the video and she was talking about how like she just had, she just thought like, if I just continued to do all of these things that I am not really being paid to do, as a teacher just continue to go above and beyond like, I can change the system. And like finally realizing like, the system is so broken, like no one person can change the system on their own. Like she just had to finally realize like she was burning herself out. And she was bankrupting herself, emotionally, and financially and physically and just all of these different ways. And she had to say like, this is no longer a healthy like profession for me to be in as as much as I know, I’m giving to my students. I’m completely bankrupt in my own self. And then like that was followed by the video from a teacher who, like, she was in Target, and she was like, I’m in target right now buying snacks for my students. She’s a high school English teacher. She was like, because we were just under lockdown. Because there was a shooting at our school, one of our students was shot. Like, we’re all in lockdown for three hours. And we’re expected to just come to school tomorrow, like nothing happened. Yeah. So she’s like, I’m, she’s like, can I afford to buy all of these snacks for my, all of my, you know, seven periods of students? No, Am I doing it anyway? Because I want them to be able to like come into my class tomorrow, and have a safe space where they can have snacks and choose to either talk about it or choose to watch a movie, and like process their emotions in whatever way works for them. Like, yes, I’m going to do that. And like, I had to, like hop off the app, because I was like, well, now I’m sobbing. And I feel terrible about the state of our education system. But you know, I think that it’s just like, that’s one of the areas where we’re seeing the cracks. We’re seeing how teachers and nurses and all of these different professionals have been told like, well, if you just come in, and you put a smile on your face,

Megan
oh my god smiling,

Stephie
put a smile on your face. And you know, a happy word from your mouth, that it’ll just everything will be fine. And you’re making a difference. And maybe you are making a difference. Like I don’t want to negate the difference that teachers make in their students lives. Because I can guarantee you those two teachers I just talked about, I’ve made huge differences in their students lives. But like, there’s a bigger systemic problem. Yeah, that is not being addressed and that we’re seeing, like, come to a head. And it’s a little bit scary. To watch. Like, for me, it’s scary to watch somebody with a two year old that isn’t in school yet. I’m like, Okay, what the hell is it going to be by the time my kid is in school? Yeah. And you’ve got kids that are in the thick of it. So yeah, I think it’s just it’s everywhere. But we’re seeing the cracks in the foundation.

Megan
Yeah, start to appear. Yeah. And I don’t know what the solution is for any of that. Really?

Stephie
And that’s okay. You don’t need to present toxically positive solution. That’s

Megan
right. You don’t need to smile all the time. No matter what that guy in the street said do you

Stephie
got for masks now? Maybe never stop wearing one’s great.

Megan
No one ever asked to see if I’m smiling. No. Oh, wow. Don’t have solutions but We are always here to be honest with how we feel like we’ve never exactly held back here. So

Stephie
I’m not sure I’ve ever held back in my life. It’s not my problem again, it’s fine. But yeah, it’s if you if you’re struggling with the toxic positivity that’s around you. You’re not alone. Your feelings are valid. Mm hmm. That’s right. And you’re always welcome to DMS, email us. Call me beat me if you want to reach me. And vent about your feelings with us because we get it too.

Megan
We like good rants. We do love

Stephie
a good rant. It’s one of our favorite things.

What’s bringing us joy?

Megan
So let’s tabby. What is bringing you joy this week? Yes,

Stephie
because we can talk about things that are bringing us joy without being over the top. Right. And my newfound freedom is bringing me joy. Freedom from the man. Yeah, this is this is my first time without a corporate job in ever.

Megan
Long. Yeah, I mean, a very long

Stephie
time since college. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. Um, I’ve had like, corporate, I’ve either had corporate or corporate adjacent jobs, right, my whole career. And I’m moving into a job where I’ll be working for one of our food blogger friends full time, and I’m gonna have such a flexible schedule. And

Megan
I am so exciting.

Stephie
It’s very exciting. Like 8am calls all of the time, like, No more being chained to my desk for eight hours. God forbid I get up and go to the bathroom and some somebody tries to Slack call me like, I am still trying to figure out what that’s going to be like, but

Megan
it’s great. Are you just gonna like sleep all day tomorrow? I’m like,

Stephie
Well, I said I wanted to come over this morning to record specifically so that if I wanted to take a nap this afternoon, I have plenty of time. Plenty of time. I mean, I will be I am not technically starting full time for our friend until next week. I was like I’m taking the rest of the week off. So yeah, I might just like take some take some naps and

Megan
go get yourself like a celebratory plant.

Stephie
Oh, I do. I did kill one of my plants. So I do need to replace. I might go to the plant store. Yeah. Might go schedule a new tattoo. I do need to do that. I mean, of course that’s on my to do list. I also need to go to the dispensary also on my to do list. There you go. We see where we see where Cepheus priorities are this week, knock out all the

Megan
things on your to do list. I mean, that’s not really what you should be doing when you’re like resting from

Stephie
fun errands that I just have no

Megan
time to do yes, go into the plant store is always fine stores

Stephie
fun talking to my tattoo artist is fun. Buying weed. So, you know, like, We’re just there genuinely are things I’m like, Oh man, I need to go run and do that. But I just don’t have time and I’m too stressed. Ah, no, I’m like, Oh, so much less stress. I know I like I mean, it still got up and early and got showered and you know, got Eden off to daycare or whatnot. But it wasn’t like, oh my god, I have to get her there specifically at this right time so I can get get back to my desk and make my tea and eat my breakfast before I have to like sit down and be on this video call for the rest of the day. Like yeah, if they’re good, or they’re by eight, that’s cool. sat on the couch, drink my tea, watch some Instagram stories. Like wow, what is this life? So anyway, 10 out of 10 would recommend so far. Yeah, there’s that. Megan what’s what’s bringing you joy?

Megan
I mean, obviously you being gone is bringing me joy because I am benefiting from the situation. Um, and I want to I want to say the peloton I feel like I have not said the peloton. Spraga Joy yet.

Stephie
You talked about how you talked about it. You didn’t say it’s bringing you joy yet? Yes.

Megan
So I am still I am still not good. Good, as it quotes with good, because what is good, but whatever.

Stephie
I mean, make your feet go in the pedals. Sometimes I

Megan
can’t because I were talking about this the other day. We’re talking about Wordle. And how if you’ve played Wordle your brain forgets all words. Yes. And what is the five? What is it? What does any five letter word? I don’t know. No, you always think I always think it’s going to be some ridiculously obscure word and then it’s like paint paint or those and you’re like, yeah, um so there’s times when I’m riding the bike and I like some something snaps in my brain like a rubber band and I forget how to pedal. I don’t know what I’m doing all of a sudden, which is a whole I don’t know if that’s like a psychological problem.

Stephie
I said that I was carrying bowls of soup up the stairs at my restaurant job the other day. We’re gonna have stairs. Yeah, I literally got to the last two stairs and my brain was like, What are stairs? Yeah, how does stairs work? What Yeah, and I stood there frozen for a second, not sure how to proceed up the last two stairs

Megan
with a peloton is usually when you’re going really fast. And like in the middle of going really fast. I’m like, What am I doing? But I do really enjoy it. Um, they I don’t I do like a variety of different workouts or whatever. I don’t just do the bike. But I don’t know. Like, it’s still hard. But I do. It’s like that fake feeling you’re supposed to have at your endorsement. I don’t know what that means. Um, but I was really good afterwards. And for the most part, I like the music that they choose. I try to choose songs that I artists that like I’m gonna like, I like to do like the specific artist rides, although they all act like they know everything about the artist and their musicality. And like, they suddenly are music theater, all scholars, and that really annoys me. I’m like, your whatever. But I yeah, it’s been good. It really bothers me that my husband is like, I don’t really pay attention to what music it is. When I read I just picked the first one that pops up.

Stephie
This is just like literally the thoughts in his brain.

Megan
I don’t understand. He wakes up every day and chooses violence. I don’t know. It’s no sense to me.

Stephie
I did my first non bike workout. I did the encantado yoga flow the other day. And it was it was actually really good. It was like kind of hard. It was like a nice like intermediate level flow. And then like the next day like I definitely like could feel a little like a foam. Good afterwards. The next day. I was like, just so loose to you and like yeah, like loosened up but also like just a little sore. Yeah, like holding some of the poses and I was like, that wasn’t good. Wasn’t good one. Nice so good. Yeah,

Megan
I did yesterday, I didn’t do a ride. I did a like a regular strength workout, which I don’t do. Normally I either do like the one the strict one that’s on the bike, or I do like core and I did a regular one. And I woke up this morning and my thighs hurt so bad. And we did not even do that many squats so I have no it wasn’t it’s not even that not when they’re like flex but just like in there better now but when I first woke up this morning, I was like oh my god, what happened?

Stephie
I didn’t broken I’m broken. Yeah, I keep I keep thinking about getting my own but then I’m like, I don’t know where I would put it. So I keep coming and using ours.

Megan
I mean now you have all day long. I

Stephie
do have all day long. It actually is much more convenient now for me to just like hop over and use peloton, but yeah, that’s a good one.

Next week’s episode

Megan
So we’ll be back next week with a special guest.

Stephie
Until then leave us a review on Apple podcasts and listen to us on your favorite platform. You can also follow us on social media at irssi podcast or send us an email at I’d rather stay in podcast@gmail.com We’d love to hear from you. Bye

Transcribed by https://otter.ai