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070: Being Introverts

Hello! Welcome to episode 70 of I’d Rather Stay In. In this episode, we are chatting all about what it is like to be introverts.

Episode transcript

Welcome to I’d rather stay in with your hosts Megan Myers and Stephie Predmore. This week we’re chatting all about what it’s like to be an introvert. Thanks for joining us and stay tuned.

Hello,

hello.

How’s it going?

It’s going pretty good.

Um,

I would like to tell you a story of something that my son said to me the other day, please do comes into the room and he goes, Mom, Dad said that Oh, gee, used to mean original gangster. Is that true?

What?

You repeat some like, What? What do you think it means now? Like it means original. Like, okay, well?

Yes. And?

Yes. But it also

is funny the way he was like, Ma, Is this true? His mind? Yeah, I

don’t know

that the O and the G both actually stood for something, not just random letters in the word original. Yeah, I

really think he just thought that it was a abbreviation for original.

Oh, that’s so cute.

I know.

Kids these days we little baby.

And Bob is the one that told him this.

Yes, I know. They must have been talking about something where it came up. And that’s how they were talking about it. But

I’m not saying that. I’m shocked that Bob knew that. But like,

a little bit.

I mean, because you assume that he doesn’t listen to hip hop or something?

I don’t know. He just doesn’t seem very up with the hip with anything.

I mean, maybe not now, but I guess maybe back in the day in the olden times.

Back 100 years ago.

Actually children forever ago.

Oh, that is funny. I love that story. Thank you for Thank you.

How are you?

I’m okay. I’ve had a rough few weeks to be completely honest with you. I mean, you already know this, I guess I’m being more honest with our listeners, I have been dealing with some sort of, we’re going to call it a mystery illness. So we don’t really know like what’s going on if it’s connected to like my ulcerative colitis somehow, or if it’s a reaction from my vaccine that I got a few weeks ago or like what’s going on, but I just have been having a number of gi issues and these like running these weird little fevers and I do not have COVID y’all I got tested, I do not have COVID. But you actually accompanied me to the ER last week. My primary carer wanted me to go and we had quite the wonderful interaction with a male doctor who did not seem to think that there was anything wrong with me because I wasn’t like, actively vomiting on his shoes, or screaming in pain, or like, bleeding from an orifice?

Yes, it was definitely. He definitely didn’t seem to like think there was anything wrong. It’s like, ah, I don’t know. Like, what do you want me to do? Like here? The doctor?

Yeah, he literally was hurt. Wow, what do you want? What tests Do you want me to run? Like? I feel like maybe you should be the one to know that answer to that question. But I feel like this has made me feel like we should do an episode on what it’s like to live with a chronic illness though, because this is very much what it is like to live with a chronic illness of you. Just generally, don’t feel good on a regular basis. And you have to learn how to live your life, just like not feeling good. And so you figure out how to function and how to do things like carry on normal conversations, and all of these things when you’re in pain, or you feel like absolute shit. And then people assume because you’re not like screaming in agony, or there’s nothing visibly wrong with you that you’re perfectly fine. And so this is not the first time this has happened with me and a doctor and it probably won’t Not be the last time, but it is just the most recent time and drove me a little bit batty.

I thought that like you were gonna make the doctor cry, although I wish I had, like snapping at him. And he was basically he was he was not helping. We were there for like four hours. And you’re just like, well, Bob, I

don’t know.

Yeah. And you can go home. Yeah, he literally goes, I mean, I don’t know, are there like any symptoms you want me to help you with? And I literally go all of that. I don’t think he was expecting that response. I was finally like, Look, if you’re not going to help me, then just send me home, I’d rather go home. Right. So really hungry at this point. So it was also like, I was pissed. I didn’t feel great. And I was hangry. It was like, not a great combination for him. But I frankly did not feel bad for him because I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. And he just proved himself to be a dill hole.

So no, and I even was like, oh, I’ll play good cop here. And I’ll be like, Is there anything you can give her a medication or something? And it’s like, wow, I don’t know. Like,

yeah, it was really cute. Also,

have you caught this? Like,

I swear to God, I think the nurse when she came into, like, give me my discharge paperwork was like, I mean, it’s fine. We’re not mad or anything. I was like, I’m sorry.

Why she was acting like you’re wasting your time, right at her job that she’s supposed to help you.

Right? Especially when my primary and I said that multiple times during the visit, like my primary care doctor is the one that told me to come in. Like I was having an X, Y and Z symptoms, they were concerned about it. So they said they thought I should come here. Trust me, I wouldn’t just be having an ER joy ride on a Friday afternoon.

Because it just shows and gigs. You’re so looking forward to paying for that later. Right? I

just love paying er bills. It’s just my favorite thing ever have all

this money? I just don’t know what to do it,

I think.

Yeah, I owe. So anyway, that was a quite the experience. So it’s been a rough few weeks, I would love to tell everybody that I’m feeling better. And the answer is I’m not really. But that’s, that’s where we’re at right now. So if anyone listening is living with a chronic illness and has experienced stuff like this, just please know, you are not the only one. Like, it’s not just you. And I’ve spoken to a lot of other people with various chronic conditions, and they have also experienced similar things. So it is not a you problem. It’s a medical system problem. We So, there you go. But To that end, let’s talk about being introverts. Because we so you and I were doing some planning recently for the podcast, we were figuring out what our upcoming episodes and guests and stuff are gonna be. And I think I think it was me I was like, Megan, have we ever actually done an episode on being introverts?

No, No, we haven’t. No. It’s fine. This is just Episode 70. It’s, it’s totally cool. So

we’ve taken 70 episodes of our introvert podcast to talk about what it’s like being an introvert. I need to to be fair to ourselves. We definitely talk about it a lot like here and there. And we tie it in with different topics that we’re talking about. But yeah, we’ve never done an actual episode. So welcome to the episode that probably should have been episode one. being an introvert.

I hope you stick around after a year and a half, and are ready.

If you’ve been wondering what the hell Here we are. Welcome to the party. We’re also just now getting here. So Megan, can you tell us a little bit about what introversion actually means because I think there’s just some general confusion about what that actually means.

There seems to be various definitions, and that’s part of the confusion, I think. And I think also the confusion stems from our desire to label ourselves because labeling is so comforting and makes us feel good. Wouldn’t we know who we are? But the general like, easily google googlable answer about an introvert is that an introvert is a person with qualities that make them feel more comfortable focusing on like their inner thoughts and ideas. They enjoy spending time. with, you know, a handful of people, they don’t like large crowds, they tend to react better when they have time to think about it and read instead of just blurting things out, things like that, I think the site the stereotypical thing about introverts is that they don’t talk ever. And they just sit in the rooms and watch TV or read books, and they don’t have any friends. None of that is true. I mean, it might be true for some people, but that’s not what an introvert is.

Right? And, right, because I think that well, first of all, I definitely, I definitely have had a lot of people when they hear me say that I’m an introvert try to tell me that I am not. Because they don’t believe that someone who can be very loud and bubbly in social settings, can be an introvert like that it doesn’t match up for them in their minds, because I think a lot of people also mistake introversion for shyness. Yep. And vice versa. And they’re not they’re not the same thing.

Yeah, I’ve had the opposite the same thing. People don’t people just assume that because I’m introverted. I never want to talk to anyone ever. Which is, I mean, sometimes it’s true, because I hate small talk. Small Talk is stupid, right? But like, if you take me out somewhere with a bunch of people that I like, I, I will, like, I hate to use the word blossom, but like, I feel comfortable, and I can have a good time. It’s not like I can never have a good time with other people.

Right? Right. Exactly. And there’s, you know, like, I am pretty good at almost masking. Like for me and my personality type, like I’m pretty good at if I am in a social, there are definitely certain social situations where I am not good at it. And I very much like kind of turn inward. And a little bit more of like shyness takes over particularly like if there’s just no one else I know. But even if there’s just one other person that I know, in the room, then I’m able to then I’m able to have more like bubbly side of me come out, I’m able to, I can be loud, I can be boisterous. I can get up and public speak in front of huge groups of people, absolutely no problem. Like, there, those are all things that I am perfectly fine with doing. But at some point I tap out. And I think that that’s like one of the big things about being an introvert is like you can do all of those social things, whether it is with a very specific group of people or with a larger group of people. Although your preference is most likely going to be the like small, intimate groups, no matter what that socializing looks like, at some point, you tap out and your reserves just completely deplete. And you have to fill your tank up again. And I think that that’s like for me, one of the biggest ways that I differentiate introverts and extroverts is that for introverts, we refill our tank through alone time, through being with ourselves through like kind of being with our inner thoughts. Were as active the extroverts I know, they refill their tank by being with other people. Which is not to say, again, like I think because I think the same misconceptions I think there sometimes tend to be more misconceptions about introverts than extroverts. But I do think that a misconception about extroverts is that they never want to be alone. I definitely like I have some friends who are extremely extroverted and they definitely will reach a point where they’re like, I think I just like to spend some time alone or I would just like to spend some time with my small group of friends or like one girlfriend, you know, for a movie night or whatever it might be. It’s they definitely, it’s not like they are just constantly needing that. That external stimulation like sometimes they want to be alone too. So I think just we have to remember it’s, it’s kind of a continuum. And like, you can kind of fall anywhere on it right? Really?

Yeah. I know a lot of people are like I’m an introverted extrovert kind of thing. So yeah, yeah, definitely something that people consider themselves having qualities of both.

Exactly. Yeah, I often describe myself as an extroverted introvert for people that just don’t fully get, again, like how you can be multiple things at one time. How I can be good in social settings, and also be an introvert. Like, what? I don’t get it?

I don’t understand. But do you enjoy group work stuffy?

Whoo.

Calm, there’s literally nothing worse than group work. literal worst? I also think that to some extent, I think there are definitely some, you know, we talk a lot about the enneagram. I think there are some enneagram types that lend themselves a little bit more towards introversion versus extraversion. I don’t know about those fives. Yeah.

I don’t know what you’re talking about. I

don’t know what I’m talking about either. But every five I know, is like, leave me the fuck alone. Versus like the sevens that I know, are very much extroverted. So and I mean, obviously, there, there are definitely numbers where I, you know, I know people who are introverts and those who are extroverts, I would say most of the nines that I know are introverts. So but you know, there’s, there’s definitely that I think there are definitely like a few numbers like that, that just lend themselves more towards one or the other. So if you happen to know someone’s enneagram number, you might like, I just think that’s an always an interesting thing to kind of cross reference. So Megan, we’ve talked about, like, what it’s like to be, or what it means to be an introvert. Um, and I do think that people can think that like being an introvert, especially sometimes in today’s world, where I think extraversion can be very much rewarded can be a little tough, but I think that there are some advantages. So to being an introvert. So let’s talk about that.

Yeah, I thought that when I found this article, I was reading, I was like, Oh, I totally agree with all of this. And I, I guess I have always internalized those, but I never read them, like written out like that. Because I think a lot of people are like, I don’t want anyone to be better than anyone else. Which is fine. But some people are better at other things. And that’s just the way things right.

Just because you’re better at one thing does not make you better overall, like extroverts, like there are definitely I would say that they have absolute strengths too. But as introverts I also think that we have to figure out what our own strengths are. So you know, doesn’t make us

just make no and I also think it’s almost even more important for introverts to find out what their strengths are, because we’re introverts. And we need to like, oh, and ourselves.

Yeah, and I think we often have to prove ourselves a little bit more. In terms of like, well, we’ll talk we’ll talk about some of these things, and kind of why sometimes we have to prove ourselves on those.

So the first one on this list here that we dug up off the internet, is that introverts are low maintenance, friends and colleagues. So a lot of people I know me specially they think introverts don’t speak up. They don’t participate as much in conversation. But also you’re not going to be considered of noxious or disruptive. You’re independent and not clingy, and generally are considerate of other people’s of your behavior before you react other people and

one thing I know is that is particularly true for you having having worked with you in a professional setting. You don’t speak up a lot In work meetings, but when you do, like it’s important, and it’s, you’ve been thinking about what you’re going to say. So, you know, a lot of times as introverts, we’re not just like, for, you know, verbal vomiting, the very first things that we’re thinking of, we’re listening to what other people are saying we’re kind of Molino over and then, like, when we speak up, it’s something that we’ve thought through. And, you know, maybe we’re posing a question back to our colleagues, like whatever that looks like. But it’s not just like a flippant, I’m just gonna say this so that it’s, I’m speaking up in a meeting. And I know that like you and I have both in the past been called out for not speaking up enough in professional settings. And so I think that as introverts, if that is you, if that is something that you’ve been, has been brought up to you, like, explain that, like, feel free to use these talking points and be like, hey, okay, you can say that. But also, here’s why I don’t necessarily just say the first things that come to mind like, X, Y, and Z.

I think a lot of extroverts like to talk through situations and problems, whereas introverts, like, like you said, I prefer to think about the situation and listen to other people. And that way, I can make a educated response instead of just, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it’s not, it’s not like I’m not listening to people, it’s that I when I open my mouth and speak, I generally want it to be something useful.

Exactly.

Because it goes back to me when I saying that I hate small talk. I hate small talk, because I think it’s a waste of time. I would rather get to know something about you that actually care about rather than whatever the small talk topic, small talk topic is exactly. And I know sometimes small talk can be things that I end up being interested in. And it’s way to get to know people and all that However, it’s such a hurdle for

rather not, I’d rather just like skip over it and get to the like, the juicy stuff.

Look, I don’t care where you went to college. We are all adults now. Doesn’t matter. It’s

not a major.

So this Yeah, so the second thing on this list is that introverts have creative minds. And we, you know, tend to be a little less influenced by whatever is trending and popular. We often tend to gravitate towards things that are a little bit weirder. Things that are you know, we were probably like, the original hipsters are some shit. Before being a hipster was cool. And, you know, we, so we tend to just develop our own thoughts and ideas on things. So it’s, it’s a little bit less of like, Oh, this is trending and popular. Megan is Megan is like such a great example. The minute something is like super popular, she’s like, Fuck that. I’m sorry. fetta pasta is taking over tik tok and Instagram. Absolutely not. I want nothing to do with fetta pasta.

Salad pasta sounds gross, because I don’t like fat that much. And it just doesn’t look appetizing. Guys that

a pasta has its own issues. But that was

I don’t want a lot of hate mail. I just don’t like fat that much.

But like, truly you get this like, I do it too. or something. I’ll be like, suddenly, like really popular. And I’m like, I just don’t. I don’t think I want to.

So if you’re like a history be like, oh, you’d like perfume genius. Well, I liked him before he got super popular. Like that. We’re not like that, like, just don’t think don’t like things that are popular when they became like we never liked. So like we liked it and then suddenly hate it.

Right? It Yeah, it’s just like a, I don’t know. So we tend to be a little bit creative, a little bit more original, I guess. I don’t know, some people might would just call that weird. And that’s fine too.

I think it’s just because we do tend to have a lot of solitary time. And we do spend a lot of quiet time and so as any parent knows. If you are bored enough, you eventually will come up with something creative to do. And so that is basically like the crux of Have the creative part of the introversion, I think is that you are just constantly like with your thoughts and quietness, and so your brain has time to relax and kind of inspire itself in a way. Absolutely. So related to we’re talking about, you know, our work, discussion tactics, introverts are shrewd decision makers and problem solvers. So I think like jazz, I was just saying, because we spend more time reflecting and more time observing, we’re able to come up with maybe more creative solutions to problems, or just the solution that people might be skipping over. And also, it’s interesting, they think that introverts are generally very good judges of character.

Yeah, yeah. And this is something that I have had to learn in work settings, because I don’t like change. And so I have been called out in work settings have been like, Oh, well, you just didn’t like this idea. Because you don’t like change, blah, blah. And so I have learned to when someone suggests something, or is looking for a solution to something instead of just jumping on the bandwagon with the first thing that people say, I will say, something along the lines of Let me think on that for a little bit. If I if you know if I have time, I’ll say let me think on that for a couple of days. If I don’t have time, I’ll say like, give me a couple hours to think on that. And then let me kind of just ponder that and noodle over it before I give you a response. And typically, like when I say that I have never had anyone. I’ve never had a boss come back to me and be like, absolutely not. Like, they seem to be like, pretty cool with Okay, yeah, absolutely. Like, take a little time think on that. Because I just need that time to ponder it and reflect on it. And then I can come back and say, Yes, I think this is a good idea, or no, I don’t or here’s my alternative. Yeah, I

think being able to do that is really helpful. Because especially these days, I feel like a lot of times in work, we’re kind of putting a situation where we’re they want us to make decisions very quickly. And for introverts, it’s so important to be able to take that step back, before jumping to any sort of decision, especially if we don’t feel like we have all the information like that’s a dangerous game you could be playing.

Yes. Again, we’ve talked already kind of mentioned this, but we tend to be better listeners, because we’re not just sitting there like, Well, okay, if you have ADHD, like me, sometimes you’re sitting there and your brain is somewhere else entirely. However, if you do not struggle with an ADHD brain, typically when you know someone is being quiet, they are also like listening. They’re not just like, in lala land, they’re taking mental notes, maybe they’re actually taking notes on paper, they’re processing things, and then they’re going to be able to come back and have that conversation with you. and demonstrate that they were really listening to what you were saying. And that goes for, you know, work in bands, and just relationships.

Also introverts can focus deeply and block out distractions, I find this is extremely the case for me, when it comes to any project that I’m working on. If I granted I have children and pets, and being at home for over a year has really put this to the test. But if I because I’m not focused on like chatting with people all day, or seeing what’s going on on the news, or checking out Twitter and chatting with people there, I can just focus on my work and get my work done. And I can get a lot of work done in a small amount of time. If I am focused, which I think always surprises people. Not that I can get a lot Not that I can get my work done, but like the amount of work I can get done in a short amount of time. Especially if you’re like me and you work hourly. And then they were like you’re you did this project right and like Yes, yes. Should I maybe you should like go get a coffee clock running.

Sorry.

Yeah, don’t shortchange yourself. This one This one is hitting or hit or miss for me personally, just because I do struggle with attention. issues. But again, like the not needing to just like constantly socialize, definitely helps. And when I do go into focus mode, it is hyper focus mode, which is an ADHD, definitely an ADHD like calling card. So I have that from both introversion and ADHD. So when I am focusing on fucker, I am Bo Cust, like, I’m going to get a whole project done in five minutes, and then I’m probably going to do another one, and then I’m going to do another one, and then I won’t do it again for three weeks, but it’s fine, right? I did three weeks worth of work in one afternoon. We also as introverts tend to cultivate deep relationships with others, we’re not so much about having a lot of friends, we’re more about having a few really good friends. We, it takes a little bit more for us to make those close relationships. And so when we do we hold them really close. So, you know, the people that we are surrounding ourselves with are really trustworthy and loyal to us. And we there are right or die. Absolutely.

And I think one of the really good points about that is that, you know, you and I were going to be talking about long distance friendships in a few weeks. But we both have a lot of long distance friends. And it’s not a kind of thing where like, we have to talk to each other every five seconds. Because if we don’t, then the person might not be our friend. But we can just like pick up wherever we left off, no matter where if it’s been, you know, a week since we’ve texted or if it’s been like a whole year since we’ve seen each other in person, it’s fine. It’s not a weird thing at all.

I’m also I also imagine that there are probably people who think that you are completely bananas for having moved across the country to a location that you had only been to once purchasing a house sight unseen, with Alex and I have been the only people that you knew here. I’m like, essentially moving here because we were here. I’m sure for some people, they’re like, what, like he moved there for your like your friend is there. But because you know, we’re both introverts. We both value really close friendships like we know that I’m not just gonna like you knew coming here or that you weren’t going to get here and then I was going to be like, Fuck you. That’s not how that works awkward, right? Like you are stuck with me for life or you’re stuck with me in the retirement home. I was telling Megan the other day that because I’m just a little bit younger than her that I will actually be able to boss the nurses and the retire at home around and so if Megan does something I don’t like I can make her have to go to chair aerobics. Watch your back girl. Man. You better be nice to me. Future me

is already upset. I will also add I we didn’t just move here because Debbie lives here. That’s weird. Yeah, just want to make sure that my other friends are know that. Yes, there

were a lot of other reasons why you chose to move back to the Midwest, but you did like Bloomington specifically like probably would not have been on your radar if I were not here. So

that is true. Yes, correct. Although when we when we did move to Texas Originally, we also knew like one person.

This is just your calling card.

I guess it’s just what we do. I guess along those same lines, introverts are independent. We don’t really need a lot of supervision. We kind of build our lifestyle to allow us to take care of ourselves.

Yeah, we don’t want to be micromanaged. No, that’s like the worst.

I will also say though, I don’t from all the various jobs that I’ve had. I don’t want to be micromanaged. But I also do appreciate some level of management.

Yeah, some level of just like good. Yeah, yep. Okay, cool.

A little bit of guidance. Sometimes I I used to work for a magazine. Um, years and years ago, I wrote a column for them, and I would send in my stuff and then they would never give me any feedback ever.

Doing good or not, I don’t know.

Like, can you please like tell me? Is this what you want? Like what you want me to do? And I like it’s fine. I’m like, Are

you sure?

Please help me.

Yeah. So again, like This list of things is not to shit on extroverts. And it’s not to say that we are better than extroverts. It’s just that these are things that can be definite advantages in personal relationships in the workplace. So definitely like if you as an introvert struggle in the workplace sometimes and struggle with being able to articulate why you are a benefit to an employer, checkout, you know, think about this list of things because there are definitely some things on here that you can some talking points that you can use to your advantage. So the last thing I want to chat about with regards to being introverts I want to talk about parenting and marriage as introverts. Oh,

exhausted.

Yeah, right. Let’s start. Let’s start with marriage. First comes love then comes marriage. Um, unless you’re Jane The Virgin? Um, you’ve been married for 15 years?

Mm hmm.

What’s it like to be married? As an introvert.

Um, it’s kind of funny, actually. Because, Bob, when I met him, he was definitely an extrovert. And we were all going out, like, all the time, we would go out dancing all the time with all of his friends, we would do all these things. And then once we had kids, he just kind of was like, I’d rather stay home with the kids. We kind of like turn it into an introvert. But it is definitely a struggle, I think. Because Bob is still I mean, he might be have little some introverted tendencies now, but he’s definitely still an extrovert. But I think the main thing that I kind of established early on in our marriage, was the fact that I needed time alone, and not to not be bothered. Um, and that actually, I don’t remember how long it took to kind of get into that groove. But it wasn’t super long. And we still have that groove. Like, we generally don’t watch TV together. Partially because we watch different shows, but also like, that’s my time to be like alone and like recharge, and then he can do whatever in other parts of the house. I think the hardest part is definitely where like, he wants to go out more and do things with more friends, things like that, where I’m just like, Hey, I don’t really want to go do that. Like you can go on your own, and I will stay home like I there we go camping with friends every year, and sometimes I don’t go. Because that weekend, like sometimes I do have work that I have to do. And I can’t go camping. But a lot of times it’s like, I’m just not feeling it this weekend. Being around like extra family and not being able to get away and have like my meetup. Right. Um, I think that’s the main struggle. And I think also for, for us in particular. He has a really big family compared to me. He has like immediate family is the same size as mine, but he has a lot of aunts and uncles. And so then he also has like lots of cousins, first cousins and second cousins. There’s like tons of people in his family. And I remember meeting a bunch of them, really before we were married, and I was just like, oh my god.

So weird. I don’t know who any of these people are. I can’t remember your name,

I guess situations, I immediately forget everyone’s name immediately. I know a lot of people think oh, that’s rude. If you don’t remember somebody’s name, like I just can’t remember them. Some people try really hard. I am not good with names and especially if you don’t like if I just meet you and I talked to you for like two minutes and then you walk away and I don’t see you again for like six months. I’m definitely not going to remember your name.

But and if all and if you only had small talk or in that two minutes, like yeah, there’s nothing of substance for you to grab on to in your mind to be like oh yeah, that So in so and when they rescued their first dog went blah, blah, blah, but like, I don’t know, whatever.

Yes.

Yeah, I think it was I. Because we’ve been married for so long. I think it definitely is kind of a thing that I forgot any difficulty in terms of the introvert extrovert thing, because just we just have our routine now. Yeah, I know people are like, oh, routine girl. It’s like, no, it’s good.

Some people because some people really thrive on routine. Yeah, we definitely are very similar. Our marriage is very similar in a lot of ways. Alex is more Alex’s the more extroverted of the two of us. But he’s definitely also it, which is a funny, she’s laughing because it was when you know, my husband, you would not actually think that he is the more extroverted of the two of us. But he really is we’re marriage of contradictions.

Okay, I will just I will just sidebar here to the first time I met Alex, when I came to your house, and I stayed at your house for a couple of days before we had a conference. And then later on that week, you were like Alex really liked you that’s like the most is talk to any of my guests. And I was like, he said, like 10 words today? And you’re like, Yeah, I know. Like, you’re really excited. Yes,

I was very excited. I mean, and now that you know him, now that he like really knows you, man, it’s hard to get him to shut up. Oh, yeah. Now he doesn’t stop talking. Yeah, he never stops talking now. But he didn’t like he’s more likely of the two of us to like, go introduce himself to the neighbors or like, want to meet up with friends or like, whatever. I mean, so Alex is definitely the one of us that is more likely to like go introduce himself to the neighbors and like, want to go meet up with friends, like, you know, late at night, or whatever. And again, similar to Bob, I think, some of that, particularly the like, wanting to meet up with friends stuff has been tempered a little bit by having a child, although also separate by the fact that we’ve been in a pandemic, the entire time that we’ve had a child, it’s really hard to say. But I know when we moved in together, so we moved in together, four months after we started dating, so we were still kind of strangers in a lot of ways. But the first couple of months, were kind of rough. And then we finally sat down and had a conversation. And the other issue that we were having is that both of us wanted alone time. But both of us felt bad about that, that we thought like, that person was like, gonna think that we didn’t want to be with like, be with them. And when we finally just hammered out the fact that, you know, we came home from work, we cooked dinner, we spend time together, and then we just need some time to spend to ourselves before we can then like, come back together and do anything. Once we talked that out. We were like, no, that’s great. You do that, I need that too. Like it was I mean, immediately, like, the next day, it was better. And that’s been our routine. The entire time we’ve been together which is eight years we’ve been married for six and together for eight. That you know, much like you guys like we don’t usually watch TV together. The we’ve, you know, kind of do our own thing in the evenings. For us. I think where sometimes we can have issues is that we love our alone time so much that sometimes we forget to make time for each other. So I saw like, we actually just started a thing of on Sunday evenings, like spending some just like, very intentional time together not necessarily going out. or anything like that. But like after dinner or like watching a show watching a movie, you know, playing Mario Kart, whatever it is, without our phones, like not being on our phones just being together doing something together. So that we’re we’re spending a little bit more intentional time together, because I think that’s also been hard since Eden was born. And since becoming parents.

Oh, God,

yeah. Right. Like, it’s really hard to make time for each other. Again, you’re tired and all of those things and then also you have that like introversion and it coming into it where you’re like, I just want to kind of spend some alone time so like we have to be careful not to go so far in the opposite direction that we just like don’t spend any time together or don’t Pour into each other or our marriage. So it’s definitely that’s like a new that’s like a new thing for us is becoming parents of like, oh, okay, we’ve got to like be a little bit more intentional about our marriage. And I think that that’s true for all parents. Like all couples who had ended up having kids, you know, but that’s our that’s our new that’s our new thing. So,

yeah, that’s definitely a struggle with having kids. It’s not just that you have to like, figure out that new normal of your alone time. But that it’s multiple things. So you definitely like want the alone time more because you’re fucking exhausted. And your brain cannot handle one more minutes of anything. Exactly, exactly.

And that’s like, when I when I suggested that we do this, I was like, we can watch a movie or watch a show. We’re like playing Mario Kart, or like very mentally low stakes things. Like, I’m not like, Oh, we should like, I’m not going to suggest that we play board games, or do puzzles or like anything that requires really any mental energy. Like, what is something very mentally low stakes, because we’re tired?

We, it’s so funny. When you’re doing date nights before COVID we would like we would go usually is like because we had the theater tickets. So he would like go to dinner and then go to the theater. Or he would just go to the theater and have dinner. Because there’s a lot cheaper.

And we would go and then we’d be like, well, we could like go to a bar, get a drink.

I don’t know.

Let’s just go home like we could. We’re just so tired as parents. We’re like, can’t even fathom the idea of like staying out until midnight. We’re just like, Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, like Alex and I, we used to be able, this like blows my mind, like when we first moved here. And I don’t know, we’d been here maybe like a year and a half or so. And so Alex had been at his job for that long. there’s a there’s a bar down the street from the restaurant. He works at that in pre pandemic time. So sort of the like, restaurant family bar, and everyone would go there after they wrapped up their shifts on Saturday evening. And so we would go out at like 11 o’clock at night with our restaurant friends and be out until Rosie’s closed to and sometimes go to like our friend’s house afterwards and sometimes be out until like, three four in the morning. Yeah, and just saying that makes me exhausted.

We used to go. I mean, I mentioned earlier, we used to go dancing, like every week, on a Thursday, when I was still in school,

like, how did we do this stuff? I don’t understand. It just it blows my mind. So okay, so let’s This is a good segue to talking about parenting as introverts because I think there are, I think some of this, like the exhaustion and things like that, like, those are things that every parent is going to be dealing with, right? Like, every parent is going to be dealing with some level of sleep deprivation and just like running around after your toddler or toting your, your, you know, preteens around to all of their activities, or like whatever it is, but I feel like when you’re an introvert, there’s an added level of like, I am being touched constantly.

I am being touched constantly. And also, there’s this tremendous pressure to become friends with all of the other parents. God,

can I just say?

That’s like one of those like, secret benefits of COVID.

You don’t have to meet a bunch of parents, you’re not going to like

to meet any parents or have like pressure to like, go to like, a play group date thing and, like, socialize with other people. Like, no, thank you. I’ll pass. I’ll pass on that.

And it’s not like, I mean, there’s not necessarily anything wrong with other parents at all.

I’m sure there’s really I’m sure there’s many lovely parents.

I’m sure that yes, there are many lovely parents. The problem is is that much like, I don’t like connecting with people simply because like we work together, like granted I have good friends that I used to work with but We’re not friends, because we work together, right? Like, that’s not like, I mean, I feel like that’s not a thing. Like if there’s people that you’re not friends with, after you leave, it’s like, because you weren’t really friends with them. But it’s the same thing with having kids and the other parents, I don’t want to become friends with the other parents, simply because we both have children. Right? That is not enough of a commonality to me to like, become friends with someone. And generally, when it comes to kids activities, you know, whether you’re helping out with like, the Valentine’s Day party, or like you’re doing snack, some soccer game, like you don’t have enough time to actually get to know these people.

It’s all small talk again, it’s

all small talk. Also, like you already have your friends, and they already have their friends. So like, when are you actually going to like, you don’t have the opportunity necessarily, to really get to know these people to have them become real friends, if that makes sense.

Right.

But then it’s also you have this weird, like guilt factor, because your kids want to be friends with their kids. And then you have to, like become friends with them. Sort of so at least they can play together.

Like, ah,

yeah, that’s where like Bob comes in handy because he will he is the person that will go and meet other people and become friends with them so and exchanged phone numbers so that our children

people to play with, he’s the good like soccer dad, and you’re like, I’ll just sit over here and cheer from the sidelines. Thank you. Yes,

I will get I will hand out the snacks. But I don’t need to talk to everybody. Exactly.

I just do like, and again, like maybe there’s some really lovely people like maybe maybe you do end up having a cup in a conversation with someone and you really like them and that you do become really good friends with them. But that like them. It’s there’s a lot of mental gymnastics to get there.

You know what it’s you know what it is? It’s like a networking mixer.

Oh my god. Yeah,

every time. That’s what it is. Oh, my

God.

This is the most draining thing.

I saw a meme today. where someone said, one of my favorite things about Jane Austen is that she knew the real fear wasn’t running into some terrifying Frenchmen or finding your lover’s wife in the attic. It was having to spend time with someone who is slightly cooler than you are or playing piano in front of a critical audience or thinking a picnic will be the perfect time for your jokes, but then it isn’t. And that just like, I just thought of that, because it is like the perfect summary of everything we’re talking about. Like there’s just so much like, there’s a lot of mental gymnastics for us that go into these little social situations that I think for some people just, they don’t even think about it. They’re like, okay, like, What? What’s the big deal? there? There’s a lot of big deals, they’re all like they’re very tiny deals that all add up to be a very big deal.

Yes, it is. It’s a lot. And I I feel like I mean, I was trying to get better about it. By the time I had my second child. But now that we moved on, so we know no one except for you. And your child is much younger than my child, my children. So while my children adore your baby, she’s not exactly stimulating conversationalist, yet.

No, not quite. Unless you want to sing Old MacDonald and then you’re good for at least half an hour. That is true.

The good thing for people like us and having, you know, the responsibility, essentially, of helping your kids make friends, which I know people are some some people are just like, Oh, well, your kids can just make friends. Like, sometimes you have to help them. My kids are like, they are shy at first, and then they won’t shut up at all if they feel comfortable with you. Yeah, but also they will just they will not go meet people, either. We lived in a neighborhood that had tons and tons of children and they would never go meet any of them or go play with almost any of them. Until someone else would be like coming to our door and be like, hey, come out and play. But the good thing is, is that if you have people in your network, they can help branch you out into the relationships and kind of create those other situations that aren’t as much as the crazy like let’s have a weird networking mixer. So tuition. So that is your job.

And like I have been, I’ve, you know, I’ve had like what, I don’t know, six months, it’s something a little bit more to plan. I’m like, Okay, I know all of the people that I’m going to introduce you guys to when we can finally do it. We’re getting so close, because we’re so close to being fully vaccinated and like all of the things so, like, have I have a list? Because I am like, Okay, I have to introduce them to people, these these poor kids. You know, it’s fine.

It’s fine. They met. I mean, maxa, Max met some kids across the street the other day. He has not since gone back across the street to see if they would play with him. But he didn’t get par for the course here. Yes, exactly. Is Yeah, that my kids definitely take after me.

Yeah. I mean, I had, I had a really hard time making friends as a kid I had. I mean, it was because I was an only child. And I don’t know, I was just, I was so weird. It was so weird. And it was rough. There were definitely some times where it was just rough. And I did not really have a lot of friends. But as I’ve aged, like, I’ve made my lifelong friends. And so you know, like, if you’re parenting an introvert, there’s probably going to be some times that are rough when it comes to like, them and their friendships. And, you know, I think especially maybe for girls because girls are so mean. I just remember there were just some Mean Girls, but like, I’m good. Like, at 32 I am good. I’ve got my life long. Like sister friends. We’re good. Yeah. So there’s I feel like there’s if you’re if you’re an introvert and you are parenting an introvert, God bless you. It’s there are times it’s gonna be rough, I think. But it’ll be okay.

I think the most important part, they’re not just, you know, trying to help them make friends. But like, when you’re parenting an introvert recognizing each other’s like, tap out time. Like when you can tell, yeah, when the other one is like, needs to go and have their own privacy, like, be alone kind of thing

kind of tell that even with eatin being so young, like we get to a point in the afternoon like she’s, she’s really kind of to the point where she doesn’t really need to naps anymore. But she still has like two nap times. She takes her morning nap. That’s like our main one. And then in the afternoon, there’s a point where she kind of taps out and she’s sort of just like, reaches a point where you’re like, I think you need to go have some quiet time. And so sometimes I don’t even say like, okay, we’re gonna go tonight, I’ll just say like, let’s go have some quiet time. And yeah, I plop her in her crib. And I give her you know, I give her some books, and I give her you know, some stuffies. And she is like happy as a clam, having a little crib party for a while, like, it just gives her that even if she doesn’t sleep. She just sort of like recharges, and then can make it to bedtime. So yeah, even even at not even 15 months old. I have started to recognize that sign in her.

Yeah. And that concept of quiet time is something that like we continued for a long time. Especially especially, I think that kind of quiet time when they’re tries transitioning out of naps is super helpful for them. Yeah. I mean, I wish my kids still actually took naps, because sometimes they are cranky. But sometimes I’ll still be like, it’s time for quiet time. You have to go up in your room and chill out for a minute. But like, yeah, just go just go be

a little while ago, play a game, go take a nap. I don’t care what you’re doing. If you’re doing it quietly by yourself in your room. Because also at that point, you probably need it to let’s be real.

That is true. That is why parents are sad when their kids give up the naps because we need that time. Sure. I saw something. Um, I was on Instagram or what it was the other day, but it was about how parents moms especially stay up way later at night than they should. And it’s literally because like that’s the only time we get

Yes.

So like the time after my kids go to bed is like oh finally like my kids are asleep. My kids are old like they can handle themselves for almost everything. Right? And I’m still just like, Ah, finally, finally. Except that because they’re old now like, they don’t go to bed for a long time. Through like, go to good, right? Like, Reese doesn’t go to bed till after nine. I will go upstairs and he’ll still be awake sometimes at 11 o’clock.

What a teenager.

I know. But then he sleeps all day. So

miss those days, I’m not gonna lie to you. I know.

I can’t even I don’t even know. I don’t think I could sleep at night late if I tried. Unless I was sick.

I love to sleep. So I can but I usually like will also wake up and then have to like, I’ll like wake up and bop around. And then I just like go back to bed.

I mean, I’ll be in bed, but I won’t usually won’t fall back asleep.

It’s not a it’s not a sleeping straight through to 11 or one o’clock. Oh, man. I was a champion teenager when it comes to sleeping. All right, Megan. I think it’s about time that we talked about what is bringing us joy this week.

Excellent.

So how about you? What’s making you happy?

I finally watched Ted last Oh. I watched it in two days. I felt so good. It’s so good. Everyone was right. I hadn’t watched it yet, because I had not installed Apple TV yet. But I got a free trial of Apple TV when I bought my new computer. And then I forgot about it. And then Apple helpfully emailed me and said, Hey, you have to redeem this or it will expire. So I did and it was delightful. It’s not super long. It’s only maybe it’s eight or 10 episodes, and they’re only half an hour. So I watched almost all of it in one night. I would have watched all of it probably if I stayed up later. But it was it was really delightful. It I don’t even know. Like there’s just something really charming about it. And also, I have always really liked Jason Sudeikis. I think he was super, super funny. On Saturday Night Live. He obviously was the best Joe Biden. And I think he was kind of underrated. And so I’m I’m glad that he got all this attention for his performance on the show. And the second season will be out in July. So they’re excited. And also, the funniest thing is that like, everyone got obsessed with shortbread because he makes shortbread and the show and his boss is obsessed with it. And so then everyone on the internet became obsessed with it. So there’s now like, I don’t know, like 100 like Ted last Oh, shortbread recipe.

Oh my gosh, that’s funny. Yeah, I’ve been holding out because I don’t have Apple TV. And like, I don’t I don’t know what else is on Apple TV that I would want to watch.

I’ll be honest, there’s not a lot on Apple TV.

I want to get a subscription to Apple TV, Apple TV, Apple TV. And then like just watch that so I don’t know. I haven’t

Yeah, you might be able to get a trial.

But the thing about Apple should wait until the second seasons out. So then I can watch them together.

That is true. The thing about Apple TV is that I don’t think you can share the login like you can with like Netflix and everything. Because it’s tied to your Apple ID because you can only put it on like Apple devices. That’s annoying. Because I can’t get it on my I can’t add it to my TV. Oh, that’s annoying. I don’t like that.

Okay, so I had to watch it on my I know I see now I know so I don’t watch it because I think that that’s annoying and stupid.

So it is annoying and stupid i but i will i have also been watching the morning show which is good is that when with Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon I have not finished that one yet. But other than those there’s not there’s not a ton of content on Apple TV. There’s maybe like two other things that Apple Watch.

But other

it’s not something that I can see like keeping after my trial and or my free my free year ends.

Like I like I like streaming but I’m I’m starting to get tired of just like everyone having a streaming service that then you have to subscribe to and pay for and like no, no like

I get there trying to make money, especially with everybody not having cable anymore. But like, you got to make it worth my while.

Yes, exactly. Maybe, maybe at some point, if there’s more, they get more content on there, then I’ll think about it. Right now me also the fact that it’s tied to like one device, I don’t I don’t like that anyway. Um, so past for now, I know that that will make our friend on a very sad because she really wants me to watch Ted lasso. But they should have put it on a different streaming platform. They should have put it on Netflix or Hulu, or prime. There’s like so many other options.

Well, we’ll figure out a way that you can watch it, because it is good. It is good. And also Alex will like it because it’s a soccer team. So

Oh, yeah, he would probably like that.

What is bringing you joy?

Um, okay, I’m gonna get, like kind of sappy on you for a minute. Um, so we talked about my really fun er, visit Friday. But the thing that made me really brought me joy, I guess its own way is that you offered to go with me. Um, and like, it wasn’t just like, oh, the chemo company. Like, I texted you, because I’m like, they want me to go to the ER, and I’m kind of having a mental breakdown. Because that er is where my mom was the day that she died. And so I was having a huge trauma triggered response to the idea of going back to that hospital. And back to that er. And, you know, obviously Alex had to stay with eatin. We didn’t have anybody else. It was like the middle of the day on a Friday. We didn’t have anybody else who could come watch her. And like, you weren’t feeling that great yourself that day, like you had a migraine or whatever. And you just immediately were like, do you want me to come with you, I will come with you. And that meant a lot to me. And it just made me very happy that you’re here. And you know, I got my I got my sister girl down the street. So that is what was bringing me joy this week. Oh,

I am like a pro at a company and people to the ER at this point.

So also, if you were you were very good er companion. just chatted and did our thing. And you’re very lucky. And I’m gonna panic. Yeah, you were helpful when I needed you to be helpful. And yeah, it was, it was good. So it made it definitely made the time pass a little faster. Even though we were there for like 100 hours,

right? It’s like anyone else out there. If, if you need someone to stay at the air with you for about four or five hours. A plus five out of five would recommend again?

Absolutely. It

makes me feel good. It is my pleasure. I guess that’s a weird thing to say. But I it’s kind of a thing where if I if it was me, I would not want to go alone. Like who wants to go alone to the ER, that’s

it’s not fun. I have done it before. In the past, like when I was single living by myself, and it was not that hospital. And honestly, like, if I didn’t have such a trauma response to that particular hospital, I wouldn’t have thought that much about going by myself like it would have been boring. But I would have taken a book or watch Netflix or something on my phone. But I just like the idea of setting foot in that particular hospital in that particular er. Like I actually had a moment where they were like taking me to my room. And I thought for a second they were taking me to the room my mom had been in. And it was luckily it was the one across the hall. But I was like I was fully prepared to have to be like, I can’t go in that room. No, thank you. And so just just the fact that like you were there, and you kind of helped distract me and that like it definitely made it easier. It definitely made it better. So while you were champ likes only but I only bet that doctors head off one time. So yeah, no. So next week, we are going to be talking about teaching in the time of COVID.

Yes, it has definitely been interesting. I will say from the parent perspective. And we decided to chat with one of our friends who is a teacher to get their side of all of the things that have been going on in the past year. So tune in for that next week. And in the meantime, leave us a review on Apple podcasts and listen to us on your favorite platform. You can also follow us on social media at irssi podcast or send us an email and I’d rather stay podcast@gmail.com we love to hear from our listeners. By

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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