Hello! Welcome to ep 135 of I’d Rather Stay In. This week, we’re talking about setting goals.

Episode transcript

Megan 0:00
Welcome to I’d rather stay in with Megan Myers and Stephie Predmore. This week we’re talking about goals and why they’re not always set in the best ways. Stay tuned

Stephie 0:17
Hello, Hi. How’s it going? It’s going i We’re just in that like part of January where it’s just gray constantly

Megan 0:27
so gray with no snow. Oh,

Stephie 0:30
it is unseasonably warm.

Megan 0:32
Very weird.

Stephie 0:33
It’s very bizarre. Like, yeah, it’s just very strange. And it’s, like rained a lot earlier.

Megan 0:41
I think supposed to rain today as well. And then also later this week. I haven’t shuffled once this winter, which I’m not exactly sad about but it’s weird that we haven’t really had winter

Stephie 0:53
Yeah, because we had that really bitter cold storm right before Christmas, which was early and then usually there’s like some pretty cold snowy days in January and like early Feb, and ain’t nothing happening. It’s weird.

Megan 1:07
Yeah, maybe we will get through it and it won’t be a problem but what has been weird and also my kids are like why is it so warm? Why aren’t Is it snowing? Why am I I don’t know

Stephie 1:18
my child’s just constantly like kind of be like it can rainy and like I’ll be like well succintly rainy it’s just looks like it’s gonna rain. It and the other day it’s raining I think it was like Monday it rained the whole time I drove her to school and she just the whole time she was singing Rain rain go the backseat and I was like girl I feel it like it’s dumb. So I just you know, it’s that seasonal depression that just I want to see some sunshine

Megan 1:50
I mean guess it was it was sunny yesterday for a little while. No Hot Minute. Yeah, I’m gonna try to remember I know

Stephie 1:57
I saw the sun so yeah, so tis tis the season in the Midwest or just like this is dumb.

Megan 2:05
Yeah, bring spring please yeah, the only problem is that next month is February which is 45,000 years long

Stephie 2:15
how so be weary soul I never understand it there’s like this like something in the nine oh man.

Megan 2:23
There’s got to be some sort of study on

Stephie 2:25
some sort of witchcraft happening shortest month of the year also being the longest month of the year. I don’t know

Megan 2:33
he’s no sense. So I think it’s I think it’s definitely the part where it’s like you know, like spring is just there like it’s so close and it’s not yet there. And that’s when you do get snow and

Stephie 2:49
yeah, you just get like shit on with like a foot of snow melt pretty quickly because it’ll warm up quickly but then you’re What the fuck? Pull out my like snow boots again says insane

Megan 3:03
well if it doesn’t snow at all, you can blame my husband for buying a gigantic sled for the kids to

Stephie 3:08
do that you’re gonna say he like bought a snowblower because that oh no always does it.

Megan 3:13
No. We thought about getting a snowblower when we moved here and I was like well let’s see how much it snows. First year I didn’t really snow that much snow kind of a lot last year, but also like weirdly a kind of like shoveling and well because also we live on a corner so we have extra sidewalk to shovel. But it’s kind of weird that I like it because obviously shoveling sucks but it’s kind of like a meditation kind of thing because

Stephie 3:48
meditative cold workout. Yeah, because

Megan 3:51
you’re outside also usually when it after it snows half of the time it’s super sunny so everything’s bright and sparkly. But it’s quiet it’s really quiet and you’re just like doing a thing that you can see the progress of okay so you’re kind of like you know I’m you know you’re doing something that is happening results immediately immediately see the result love immediate result. Yeah, Papa podcastone It’s great. It’s really relaxing last year. We don’t really do our driveway we just do the part of the driveway below the cars. Yeah, so that kind of saves a lot of time. Yeah,

Stephie 4:30
that’s true. That’s true. We just ignore the time where those asshole neighbors sometimes we’ll get to it well like to kind of shove off the porch and like a path for the mailman and then we’re like, Oh, whatever. It’s fine.

Unknown Speaker 4:48
That’s very unsafe, stuffy.

Stephie 4:51
Worst. Well, it is because we don’t go out our front like ever. Yeah, we forget about it. And then we’re like, oh shit.

Megan 4:59
I Like people walk on the sidewalk.

Stephie 5:03
That’s their problem. They shouldn’t be out walking in the snow. I don’t know what to tell you. Oh, man, I mean, you have a kid

Megan 5:11
now. So you need a mini shovel for em. And then you could teach her how to do it because my kids for a while I don’t know if they still do. But I mean, Reese definitely doesn’t but Max still kind of like somewhat enjoys helping shovel. Yeah. So you have to, like, instill that part.

Stephie 5:28
We’re definitely entering the like, I want to help phase she loves feeding the dogs. So like, and she she’s too little to like, reach down into the container. So I, I just like get the cup and like we fill it with the food. And then she like, wanders over Yeah, and then the bowl and then brings it back and she knows that she has to get one for Anya and one for Obama. And then she can like and then she’ll like toss it back in the container and close it and snap it and she loves she like loves feedings. Sometimes she’ll just, like, be like hanging out, she’ll see there’s a bolster, because I see dogs now. Okay. So yeah, we’re very much entering the helper stage.

Megan 6:04
Yeah, I remember when the boys used to feed the cats, and they would just spill it everywhere. Little tiny pieces of Catherine by March. I

Stephie 6:15
mean, like, a lot of times, it’s causing more work for you in the long run. But when you

Megan 6:21
teach her how to sweep up the mess,

Stephie 6:23
it’s true. It’s true. And they are very good about teaching her that at school. So she does do a pretty good job of I cannot mess now. Okay, all right. Okay.

Megan 6:34
Speaking of messes, we wanted to talk about goals.

Stephie 6:38
Oh my god. Yeah. So tell me about it. Um, so, obviously, it’s currently January, I want to talk about goals, not necessarily because we’re resolution hours, because we’ve talked about the fact that we are not new year’s resolutions. But I do know that a lot of people do make goals this time of year, whether it’s for like, work or personal, whether they consider them to be resolutions, or it’s just, they’re just sort of like doing a reset whatever, I start to see, I don’t know, I see like a lot of like, really undefined goals happening. So I want to talk about goals for a couple of reasons. But also wanted to talk about the fact that like, I really fucking struggle with goal setting. Like I only got it’s my least favorite thing, like I hate set, I just really struggle with it. I struggle, a struggle with setting goals. Like for my personal life, I struggle with setting goals for work. And I’ve done a lot, I’ve done a lot of thinking and inner work to try to figure out why this is. And I think it’s because I’m an Enneagram one, because when I have a goal that has been set, I cannot do anything besides hyper focus on that goal. I don’t know if anyone else has this problem. I literally cannot think about anything else besides meeting and preferably exceeding the goal. And until I’ve done that I am a failure in my brain. And so I just literally just like, keep thinking about it. And it’s the hybrid, it takes up all of my brain. And also, I suppose that I also struggle with sometimes setting goals because I like know what I’m capable of. And the answer to that is a lot. But I’m like I don’t want to set it so high that then like I can’t reach it, but why probably can reach it. But then it was terrible in my brain. So it’s a struggle. It’s a cycle. And I’ve always anytime like an employer is like ready to set goals for the next year. I’m like, do we have to? I must wait.

Megan 8:47
I was listening to a podcast this morning. That covers this topic. Um, is the 10% happier podcast, I really like it. He always has really good guests. And his guest was Adam Grant, who wrote the book Think again, which I read last year, which I really liked. And it’s about perfectionism. And he was explaining that when he was in high school, he was a diver. And he would get so worked up about diving and like he would just not dive yes and his coach was finally like you’re not doing it because you want it because you by the time you get to the end of the board you know that it’s not going to be the perfect dive so you just do it. Yes. And that is you

Stephie 9:37
that is me I have paralysis and a lot of my life because of this. Yes, that’s correct. Yeah.

Megan 9:43
Because you just because it’s more you’re focused on like having anything be perfect that you just never ever shard? Yes. Instead of just like doing something

Stephie 9:53
Yes. Well, and I also had, like, I’ve also been in jobs where like a goal is set and I’m like, fuck If I don’t reach this, like revenue goal or this whatever, like, I’m going to fucking lose my job, and then my family will be homeless, because we won’t have health insurance and my meds are gonna make us lose all of our money because I’m chronically ill. And like, my I just like catastrophize to the extreme of like, what is the worst thing that could happen? So just a very, it’s just a really fun time in my brain. Yeah.

Megan 10:24
I mean, that that was like, That is definitely the the absolute worst that can happen. But I feel like even after you figure out what the worst that can happen is, then you’re like, I feel like, at that point, you would be like, Okay, well, that’s the worst that can happen. Which means it will almost definitely never happen.

Stephie 10:45
Are you sure? Are you sure? Because my brain is not?

Megan 10:51
Have you ever lost your job in the being homeless?

Stephie 10:53
Not yet.

I swear, my therapist has a lot of fun with me. It’s fine. We’ll also so this is also something. So this is this is a thing that I wanted to talk about, though, because I also see, like I said, I see a lot of like, shoddy goal setting happening.

Megan 11:17
Yeah, what do you mean by that you said like really vague. And I’ve had this

Stephie 11:21
and I’ve had this happen, like, in jobs like with employers. So the ideal is that you would set something called a SMART goal, right? So if you listeners have not heard of this SMART is an acronym SMA RT. And the idea of a SMART goal is that SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and time bound. So you want to make sure that, like your goal is is meeting all of those kinds of criteria. And the idea is that you have a specific goal in mind that actually is attainable, within your specific time period. So it’s not just like a pulled out of your ass goal, that you’re, you know, that you’re never going to be able to reach like, it’s actually you have, like the data points to backup. Like, I know that I did X amount in the last two years, and I saw X amount of increase. And so if I take that amount of increase, and I look at, you know, like you’re able to see like, Okay, this is this is reasonable. And like, it’s not the bar is not so low that it’s in hell, but also, like, it’s not so high that I can’t attain it that then I don’t ever start, right. And I have been in jobs where like, they’re just, I have, I’ll have an employer, just like pull a goal out of their ass and be like, so this is what you have to do this year. And I’m like, that’s literally not, that’s not possible. And they’re like, I don’t care, you have to do it anyway. Like, at that point, you’re like, What the fuck is the point. And I see and I, like I saw, I see this like a lot in there’s a lot of employers that I see this with. But I also see people doing it like, just in their lives, too. They’ll be like, I want to be more. I want to, I want to be more send this year. And I’m like, what does that mean? Right? What does that mean? I want to be happier this year. What does that mean? Like, that’s not necessarily a goal. That’s just a thing that you’ve said that doesn’t really necessarily have any, like meaning to it, right? Like what is what is happier mean to you? What is more resentment to you? What are you going to do to get there? Like, does that mean you’re going to, you know, practice meditation and you’re going to meditate five minutes every day? Does that mean that you’re going to find a new job? Does that mean that you’re going to you know, rethink your spending habits. So you’re not stressed about your budget? Like what does that what does that mean? So I just thought we could just kind of talk about that. Like what is what are reasonable goals look like? Like what is it? What is an actual goal? What is not a goal? Like? What did you need to set a goal for what do you maybe not need to set a goal for I don’t like I see, I spent a lot I have a I get a lot of like BOOK TALK TO talks in my feed and a lot of people will be like, I have my reading goal for the year. I love to read I do not set a reading goal for myself because I immediately it takes the joy out of it for me. Yeah, because I’m again focused on like, oh my gosh, I have to make sure I get my 45 books in for the year and that means I have to read X pace. Like I just I want to read what I want to read what I want to read it and so like for me, my like ideas like I think of like okay, I definitely want to make sure that I’m incorporating more diverse and marginalized author voices in what I’m reading. And that’s like a fairly easy thing for me to do, but I’m not like oh my gosh, here’s my here’s x I’m gonna read X number of books and x and really want to be nonfiction and x and rhythm. efficient. Like, there’s just a lot of quantifiable things about that, that take the joy out of it for me. So, anyway, there’s my

Megan 15:08
Yeah, I mean also, also in terms of reading specifically like, Man, there were a lot of years where I barely read anything. So exactly. Basically, if I’m reading, I’m happy. Kind of what you were saying about these, like, really want to be Zen. It reminds me a lot of people who set words for the year Oh, they’re

Stephie 15:29
like, word of intent. My word. Yeah, here my word for the year, and they’ll be

Megan 15:33
like, my word for the year is focus. And I’m like, okay, but

Unknown Speaker 15:38
what’s that? What does that mean? I never know, what are you saying? either?

Megan 15:42
Do you mean you? You’re gonna vote? Are you gonna focus more on? You could focus more on playing video games that’s still focused on? Like, what? Explain? I don’t see, I don’t I guess I don’t know how,

Stephie 15:55
like, what does that mean? Right. I don’t understand it. Do not comprehend. Here. Yeah, please, please help like, and I think

Megan 16:04
one thing, especially in business with any job related goals, a lot of the times employers especially will set goals that are not, it’s not necessarily that they’re not achievable. But they’re not things that you control. Yes. So when you’re setting them, they have to be things that you can control. Yes. So if you like have a sales goal, you can’t control whether or not they buy, right, you can control how many people you reach out to? Yes. And how many leads you get, right. So the number of the amount of sales you get, you can’t exactly control that. Right. So that’s not a good goal, right? Same thing with like, I don’t even know now that I’m trying to think of more personal example. But like, I don’t know, you’re trying if you want your goal is to sell your house like you get put it for sale, right? But we’ll put it on somebody else fine,

Stephie 17:02
right? Or like, let’s think about like, what maybe your goal is like, I want to improve my marriage, right? That’s a two party thing, right? Like your you and your spouse have to be on the same page of wanting to improve your marriage. So like, that’s not that you can’t, but you just can’t necessarily control your spouse or what they do, right? Whatever. There are things that you could do that you can control in your relationship. And in your marriage, I am going to reduce the amount of complaining I do about my husband, I am going to make sure that I tell my spouse that I appreciate them at least once a day, even if it’s a tiny thing, like there are things that you can do that can work towards that. But at this, but like you cannot necessarily control. Like if they’re going to be a willing participant in that. Yeah, that has to be something that you would like decide together. Yeah. So yeah, there’s definitely there’s definitely like, I think there’s lots of examples of like, things that you can control that you can do. But ultimately, like, there are other people that are involved in a lot of this stuff. And you don’t necessarily know if they’re going to contribute or hender. Right. Knows, yeah.

Megan 18:23
Yeah, I think we had, it wasn’t a goal necessarily. But at one point we, it was a couple of years ago, we were like, okay, so we want to travel more, we are going to get the kids their own suitcases. We are getting our goal for the next week, we’re going to strict traveling more, we’re not going to do as many gifts. So we’re just going to travel and do fun things. And then literally like two months later, it was COVID.

Stephie 18:48
Yes.

Megan 18:52
We got like all of these things. We went on one trip at the end of that year, and then it was COVID. So like, you never know,

Stephie 19:01
to be fair, you can travel by moving across.

Megan 19:04
That is true, but that does not count for children. Especially. We did drive back and forth between Bloomington and Texas a few times, but it does not

Stephie 19:15
it does. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don’t know. I just I don’t know, I just I saw so many posts this year in particular, or maybe I noticed them more this year. Just of you know, oh, my resolution is blah, blah, blah. And I’m like but how? I think How are you doing that?

Megan 19:35
I think you’re doing that though because they do feel the pressure like you are talking about the pressure you feel when you set a goal and so they think if I’m just really super nebulous, then I’m not really setting a goal. And then I can always say that I did achieve it you know, like if you say Your goal is joy, then you can just say that you were happier this year after you look back at the end of the year, you’re like, yeah, it worked out for me. Um, I actually just read atomic habits, which came out a few years ago. And I’ve been meaning to read it for a while, actually, last year, checked it out from the library. It was on hold. I got it off hold. But I have multiple other books that I was reading the same time. And so I only got through like, the introduction before to return it. So I just ended up buying it. And so I read it.

Stephie 20:40
I feel like that’s one of them. You might like want to like flag and notate. Yeah. Anyway, so yeah.

Megan 20:45
Um, so I read it. The first like, the end of the December and then through, came on 2018. Wow. It’s something that yeah, definitely books that like it has little lessons and stuff in it. So you can like go back to it. But it kind of talks, one of the it talks about how if you make tiny little changes, then that builds into bigger changes, and you can chain them together. But it also mentions that when you are setting goals, you shouldn’t be like setting a goal of I want to lose weight, you should be setting a goal of like, I, I want to it should be like you want you’re going to how would you lose weight? Well, you would lose weight by working out. Sure. Well, how are you going to set a goal for working out? Are you going to would you set a goal for like, I’m going to work out five days a week, whoa, whoa, what? Like that’s a lot, right. But you really are trying to create yourself into being the kind of person who works out? Yes. And so it’s more about like, he’s mentioned, like, go to the gym for five minutes. Yeah. And then leave. Yeah, and then just keep doing that. And then eventually, like, you will stay longer and like you’re just building the habit of starting this or

Stephie 22:00
like saying, like, I want to make a million dollars, right. Okay. Okay, well, what does it take to do that? Does that mean that okay, I need to get a different job where I have at least a 50% Raise. Okay, what do I have to do to do that? Okay, so I’m going to start this month, I’m going to update my resume. And then, uh, you know, like that, I’m going to send out my resume to different places. And then, you know, I’m going to make sure that I open a high yield savings account, like what are these are I invest things like, yeah, there’s like little things you have to do to get to this bigger goal, but you can’t just be like, I’m gonna be a billionaire and rule the world. And just like, have it magically happen?

Megan 22:45
Sounds like my teenager, then maybe not, maybe not now. But a few years ago, he was like, I’m going to be a YouTube star and like, are you though. But, um, and the other, he goes through a lot of different things where you if you, you know, in order to be like, make these things he has, he breaks it down into different laws. And it’s make it obvious. So it’s like, if you want to be a person who works out, then you have to, like, leave your workout shit like right next to you when you go to bed. So then when you wake up, it’s staring you in the face. And so it’s more obnoxious to ignore. It’s definitely oversleep

Unknown Speaker 23:31
to just put those clothes on. Yeah, or like,

Megan 23:34
I actually know people who go to sleep in the workout clothes so that they wake up. Wearing them feels very uncomfortable to me, as a person who asked to wear a sports bra. Maybe it’s fine for men. I don’t know,

Stephie 23:46
I just live in a sports bra a lot. So I actually probably could work clean, but I won’t do it. Let’s be real clear. It’s not gonna happen, but I could.

Megan 23:55
The second one is make it attractive. So it says like pair the thing that you want to do with something that you actually need to do. Sure. So Nast, I don’t want to keep going with like the workout thing. But so like if you need to do all the dishes in your kitchen, maybe the thing that you want to do is like cook dinner at home. So if your goal is like I want to cook dinner at home more sure, then you would like while you’re you know you’d clean up to Sure. And then make it easy. It’s just like reduce the amount of obstacles in your way of doing the thing. And then also like you can make your habits smaller like working out for five minutes and making yourself lunch instead of dinner like things like that that would build up eventually.

Stephie 24:49
I saw that I saw a talk about this. Or like along this line yesterday of one of the a gal that was saying like At the end of like, after dinner, she’ll set like a 10 minute timer. I saw that one. Yeah. And she’ll Yes, your skill set is 10 minute timer for like cleaning her kitchen. And then whatever, it doesn’t matter what she’s doing when the timer goes off, she can be in the middle of a task. She stops. Yeah. And that’s that for the day. Yeah. And so that like, it’s helps her it because that 10 minutes over the course of a week builds up to keeping the kitchen clean, or like getting it to that like really clean place. Yeah, versus waiting until the end of the week, when you’ve got a bunch of tissues in the scene, and there’s a bunch of shit you have to put away. Yeah, it’s like too overwhelming to start, like spending an hour cleaning on Saturday sounds like shit. Yes, it’s like, okay, I can spend 10 minutes cleaning throughout the week. Because 10 minutes is achievable. right for you. Maybe you start with five minutes, and then you work up to two minutes or whatever. But I see that I see a lot on especially ADHD talk of like, you know, this is just like, going you can apply it to any room in your house. I’m going to take five minutes, and I’m going to fold laundry, whatever laundry, I get folded in five minutes. That’s the laundry that gets folded, right? Do it again tomorrow. And I’ll get a little bit more done. And then it’ll, you know, be done. So, yeah, cuz I think

Megan 26:19
that eventually, especially with laundry folding, if you if you wait, obviously, then it just piles up because you have more and more clothes that need to be washed. And then therefore you have to follow this

Stephie 26:30
someone who is recording this can attest, and it’s not Megyn.

Megan 26:36
So for me, when we when we do the laundry, as soon as it comes out of the dryer and makes its way to our room, I try to fold it as quickly as possible, because I know that like otherwise it will just sit there. And then I’ll have to do laundry again. And then it’ll sit there longer. And then just the

Stephie 26:59
restroom, it’s just piles of

Megan 27:00
clean. You have so many clothes. It’s my question. No. Um, yeah. So eventually, I do feel like eventually, because if you knew me when I was a kid, you knew my household. Like we it was a mess. Like, you think that your house is unorganized and a mess. My house was worse when I was kid. So I feel better, I guess just know that. And also, it wasn’t like it was also my room because I was like, well, the rest of the house is you know, like, why should I do anything

Stephie 27:31
compared to what? To what? My room was growing up? My room now is immaculate. Yeah, you could barely see my floor growing up. So

Megan 27:43
which made it interesting, because I couldn’t have friends over unless my room was clean. Um, but I think part of that, like, eventually, like, caught up with me where I was like, Well, I don’t want it to be that. Yes. And so just forcing myself to do the fold the laundry immediately and put it away like now that’s why I’m like, Well, now it’s just my habit to do it. As opposed to my children who are just like, I’ll just put it in my room. And then like, my kids are very strange, but at least one of them is very strange with a laundry Hill hangs up most of his shirts, which is not weird. He will take all of his shirts, lay them out on the floor. So it’s like just a flat shirt. But you can see the whole shirt not folded or anything. And but he’ll do that with all of them. He’ll stack them all. Okay, and then once they’re all stacked, then he will hang them. What’s the point of that extra stuff? I do not know. And there’s no way he could tell me what it is either. Because my thing I’m like, take it out of the basket to hang it up. And he’s like, No, I can’t do it that way. I’m like, okay, but the problem is that it takes him like double the time, because you’ve added so many extra steps. Well, it will take him like two hours to focus on because he also will be on Instagram at the same time. I was fine. But, but also yes, he lays everything out and then hangs it up, which is mind boggling to me.

Stephie 29:11
Oh, okay. Here’s an example of pairing something you need to do something you want to do. Sometimes if I’m like, I know I want to watch an episode of TV. I will sit down with my laundry basket. And I will fold the laundry while I’m watching. multitask. So there you go. Like you know, like I’m not I want to watch this episode of bachelor so that my brain can rot. I’m not going to be doing it like What else am I going to be doing with my hands? I will fry laundry and watching The Bachelor as my reward as I’m folding the laundry, or I want to listen to this podcast. I’m going to listen to this podcast while I fold the laundry. So there’s an example

Megan 29:46
for you. Yeah, I think that works better to them being then having to be a street or reward. Whereas you would be like if I finish folding the laundry. Then I can watch The Bachelor because one you’ll be like I’m just going to watch it anyway. Guess or two you’ll be like well, I don’t really care about watching The Bachelor right? I’ll go do something else neither one of those things well then you’ve like

Stephie 30:07
eaten up extra time like you know now I’ve got within this hour or two or even if it’s a 30 minute episode or whatever it is, like within that period of time like I was just gonna sit anyway I might as well like at least accomplish something that then I can be like, Wow, I did this thing

Megan 30:24
I’m so grown up the other the last part of it was that it was make it satisfying and like as you’re saying, give yourself an immediate reward. So I think doing multitasking isn’t immediate reward situation for sure. Yeah, or it’s like it this is so like, stereotypical, like mom situation. But going to target and getting the Starbucks Yes. Straight up like you need to get you shut down a target. Getting Starbucks immediate reward situation. I’m good job target.

Stephie 31:04
I know. I know grown adults who are motivated by sticker chirps. If you if you do the thing, yeah, get yourself a full week of stickers. And then you’re gonna treat yourself to a special coffee or bagel or doughnut or something on Saturday. I don’t like I think you have to figure out like, what is it that’s going to try to intrinsically motivate you? Yeah. Because like sometimes doing the thing just isn’t enough.

Megan 31:30
Yeah. I’m also I’m really bad at the reward stuff, though. Because I’m definitely the person who was who was like, Well, I don’t really want that thing anyway. For like, like, so I’m like, I don’t care if I don’t get it. Yeah, I haven’t found a thing that’s like rewarding, because also, like, what’s to stop me from just giving myself the reward? You know, right. Like, it’s your own my own personal health, self accountability, self worth, whatever. But also, I’m like, Well, I don’t care that much.

Stephie 32:00
Right. Exactly. So yeah, like you I think each person has to decide like what is going to motivate me what is going to be make this thing attractive to me? Yeah. Interesting. Make me keep stick with it. till it becomes a habit. Yeah, like working out will ever become a habit for me. But that’s okay. It’s fine. I was don’t want to die. I don’t know is that my set my motivation? I don’t fucking

Megan 32:27
I was thinking about it earlier. Because I was I, I for a while I was like, I’m gonna get up early. And I’m gonna work out before the kids go to school. No, I like my bed. But it made me remember that I used to like before COVID. I used to get up at like five in the morning at a bar, right? I used to go get up at five in the morning and go to the 545 bar class multiple times a week. Because also, if you schedule a bar class, and then you don’t go they charge you that so there’s like a fine. Yeah, kind of have to go if you if you schedule it. But also sometimes I’d be like, You know what, I’ll just pay. Yes. But I used to do it constantly. Because that way, because I had worked. So yeah, like that way. I didn’t have to stop my day to work out. Right. Yeah. But man, it was horrible. It’s 545 class. It was like me and like three other people

Stephie 33:29
I like so admire the people that can like do it. And they’re like, I love the way I feel. And I think I’m broke. I need a tangent for a second. I think it might be broken. Because 90% of it’s like, sometimes I finished a workout and I’m like, I do feel great. 90% of the time I finished a workout and I feel either neutral. Or I feel worse than I did when I started not just like, Oh man, I physically feel tired. But like mentally I’m like, that was stupid. Like I am like more depressed after I’ve worked out than from before I’ve worked out. I cry so often after working out. I wish I could tell you people how often I have gone to the gym. So I’m like, okay, you know, endorphins, endorphins supposed to make you feel better. And then I just like cry. Because I’m like, this is sucks and I hate it. And I’m working out. I don’t it’s good for me, but I hate it and I just like cry. So I think I’m broken. I’m fix that. But I think I’m broken. I think exercise makes me more depressed.

Megan 34:31
I don’t need orphans. So I don’t think I don’t think it’s making you more depressed. I think I don’t think endorphins simply make you happy. I’m not a scientist. But I would say that with exercise and others certain things like I went to I went to a self defense class once and I just like broke down during one of the demonstrations. So we had do, and I think it’s more of like, especially if it’s a class or you know, a self workout, whatever the hell it is you’re doing where you’re like you, you’re doing something that you wouldn’t normally do and that you have to push your own beliefs of yourself. Yeah. That is what is bringing all your emotions up. And that is what makes you cry.

Stephie 35:23
I cry significantly less if I’m doing a workout by myself in my own home. I still don’t necessarily always feel like I still, most of the time, just feel neutral afterwards. But yes, classrooms Class Settings, are I’m almost guaranteed I will leave unless it’s yoga, almost guaranteed to leave crying at some point, or like, 50% of the time. Something like this is terrible. Everyone was judging me because that was really bad thing.

Megan 35:52
Also, no one cares.

Stephie 35:53
I know, no one cares, except for the time that I was doing. I used to go to the spa, this gym in town. And that was like, sort of like boot camp style classes. And most of the time, it was like sort of self led, like you had a circuit that you were doing, right, but you just sort of like did it on your own, everyone’s just around you. And that was usually mostly okay. But there was one time where they’re like, we’re gonna get in small groups. And I was, and I could tell because like, my other people that were in my group, like, got stuck, they all knew each other. And then I got stuck with some group. And I wasn’t as strong as they were or like, as fit as they were. And so we weren’t going as fast. And I could tell that they were like, I fucking hate this bit. I think I left at the middle of class, I just like straight up, like, got my stuff. And I just left because I was like, I will either I can leave, or I can burst into tears in front of everyone. sounds horrible. Would you leave? And I was like, because I was gonna like, and like, I didn’t feel comfortable enough with the instructor that day. And like the next day, like the guy that I usually was usually there was like, Hey, were you okay? So I was like, Absolutely not. And if that ever happens again, I will leave before class even starts, like, Don’t ever make me do that again. And he was like, Oh my gosh, I’m really sorry. Like, that shouldn’t have happened, like you shouldn’t have been made to feel uncomfortable like that. It’s like, Well, I appreciate your empathy here. Because I was really embarrassed. It was really terrible. But anyway,

Megan 37:23
that’s like when I had swimming class in high school, and I am afraid of drowning. And I’m better at swimming now than I was when I was a kid. But also, when I was a kid, I only had, you know, one month of like childhood swimming classes before I was like, fuck this shit. I’m not ever doing this again. Um, but then in high school, you required to take swimming. And at the beginning of class, very first class, she was like, we’re gonna divide into groups based on you know, your skill level, and it’s going to be you know, advanced intermediate beginner. Yeah. And then she’s like, Okay, so who is the beginner? And I was the only person Oh, no, which meant that.

Unknown Speaker 38:11
I like self group yourself. No,

Unknown Speaker 38:13
they made me be in the intermediate group, which is almost worse. But that

Stephie 38:17
I think that’s, that’s so strange that they were just like, who deems themselves to be an intermediate. So like, there wasn’t,

Megan 38:23
there was no test. It was. Yeah, like, Do you know how to swim? And it was like, basically, everybody was like, Yeah, I can swim. And I was like, I kind of don’t know,

Stephie 38:31
I might drown in this pool. You’re in front of you.

Megan 38:36
And she was like, well, you can do with it because she didn’t want to, like, teach me separately. Oh, my

Stephie 38:41
God. Like the the only thing I did like about PE in high school was that there basically weren’t any athletes in because if you were in a sport, you didn’t have to take PE. And so like, there were very very few at like, it would be like, there might be like, some cheerleaders that did like football, cheerleading and not basketball, cheerleading. And so they were in one semester, but like that was basically it. And so like everyone was kind of mediocre at everything at best. Yeah, it wasn’t like that junior high. Junior High and Elementary PE were real rough for me. Yeah, real bad. Oh, no, they were just like too much trauma surrounding physical activity.

Megan 39:25
I mean, yeah, maybe you should just only do yoga.

Stephie 39:29
Might be it I can get on the peloton does not make me cry. peloton sometimes makes me cry. I usually I usually set my bar and Hal accomplished like I will not do I said you the other day that I like turned on the machine. And I was like, oh, and in sync class I love and sync and then I saw that it was Cody Rigsby was the instructor and his rides are so hard and I was like oh, I don’t want to die today. Nevermind let me go find a Robin class.

Unknown Speaker 39:58
I mean And then losses can be hard they can be but

Stephie 40:02
this one I lucked out because she was like, Guys, we’re not working that hard. Yeah. And I was like, Thank you Robin. Like

Megan 40:10
her Broadway ones are like real low key. Yes. Any like the a lot of the very specific themed artists ones are not as hard. I always read the writing on the clock

Stephie 40:22
I usually look at what the the resistance like the little map the map and if the resistance goes too high times I say no. Yeah, no thank you situation. Like I don’t mind being out of the seat. But I do mind if they’re like, You need to be at 60 resistance and I’m like, fuck you. That’s not happening good by

Megan 40:51
the console, right? Didn’t make me cry last year was a crying ride.

Stephie 40:55
Yes. Well, some of that’s the music. It was the music.

Megan 40:58
It was like singing along and I was like

Stephie 41:07
so blessed. So anyway, that we got off the rails here.

Megan 41:10
Alright, so are you setting goals this year? Are you setting any intentions? My words,

Stephie 41:16
I don’t words. Um, I continue to like I said, like with my reading, I continue to try to be more intentional about reading marginalized voices, and I so I track my reading in story graph. But then I also have a reading journal. And I actually set up a spread at the front of my reading journal, where after I’ve read a book, I will like I have little things that I’ll color in if it the author was a woman, or if they author as a person of color, or if the author is a member of the queer community. And like, obviously, like a book could hit like all three of those or whatever. Um, and so it’s just a nice way for me to like visually see, like, Oh, I’ve been reading a lot of books by female authors. But I haven’t been reading a lot of POC authors are like, whatever. So I’m able to like kind of just visually see it, I don’t have like a number in mind. Like I have to read X percent or x books, right. It’s just like, oh, you know what I’m maybe not working being as intentional as I want to be about that goal. So that’s, that’s been like a thing for me. Last year, I decided kind of mid year that I wanted to get back into embroidery. And so I joined a Patreon, where she teaches you different embroidery stitches every week. And she gives you like free, like sampler patterns to like walk you through it every week. And so I did that, that was like a tangible step towards like, Okay, this is a thing I want to do. So I’m going to join this and I’m gonna do some of these samplers and you know, relearn some of the stitches that I forgotten from my when I was a kid and learn new stuff. So I am also, this is like, not necessarily a goal, but it’s a project that I guess becomes a goal. I’m doing a temperature blanket this year. So every day gets a row in the blanket. So that’s something that I have to keep up with all year. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 43:26
that’s a goal. Like you have to do it every day. Yeah. So I don’t necessarily do it every

Stephie 43:29
single day. Sometimes I’ll like group a few days together. But like, I want to make sure that I don’t get to December and I’m still only in like, may like it is like okay, at least a couple times a week I want to sit down and like, take a few minutes to like, do those rows or whatever’s Yeah. I have like some things like that, that are a little bit nebulous, but like, do have like, a little bit of a tangible something that I can see and know that I’m like, making progress toward this thing that I want to do. Yeah. Makes sense. Yeah. How about you?

Megan 44:05
I’m grabbing one of the ones that you had last year for I don’t know how long it actually lasted for you. But, um, you had a goal to either exercise or

Stephie 44:17
meditate and for that month, yeah, and I did it up until I had my surgery. And I haven’t done it

Megan 44:23
since right. So that’s my goal is to every day either intentionally move or do meditation and so far, it’s going really well actually, I have like a really long streak going on the peloton, because I’ve been like very focused on making sure that least I get in some meditation or like savasana yoga or like, something like that. And it’s making me feel really good. So

Stephie 44:51
yeah, that one, that one did work pretty well for me, because like, if you guys didn’t listen to the episode when I talked about that, like, for me, it was like okay, 15 minutes of moving my body or like 10 minutes of meditation, and I but I didn’t put any parameters on what 15 minutes of moving my body meant. Yeah, like I took a walk around the block, it could mean that I did a 15 minute yoga flow, it could be that I got on the peloton. Like, it just needed to be like 15 minutes. And like if there was like a day where I was, like, out and about and like, doing a lot of shopping or like on my feet a lot. Yeah. And like, I was like, I know, I’ve been on my feet more than 15 minutes. Like I count that or whatever. Yeah, like I was a little loosey goosey with what the definition of moving my body was, but like, because literally have been like, a 20 minute stretch before bedtime. And I was like, that’s I moved my body in a way that felt good to me.

Megan 45:43
I mean, I think anything that’s you’re intentionally doing it. I think that counts. Yeah, like, especially stretching, like, definitely more people need to stretch.

Stephie 45:51
Well, we didn’t talk about this. But like, I also think one of the things is like, when you’re setting a goal is like, really keeping in mind what you are capable of doing. Yeah. So like, for me, saying that I’m going to do like a workout every day, or even like, I’m going to do 30 minute, a 30 minute workout three times a week, it’s really hard for me because I am chronically ill, and I have weeks where I just feel like shit, or I’m like, yeah, it makes me so tired that I can barely just do what I need to do during the day, right? Like, setting that definition is more than what my body can sometimes handle. But saying like, I’m going to move my body for 15 minutes, or I’m going to sit still and meditate for 10 minutes like I can do. Yeah, I can stage what my body’s feeling like that day. And I can listen to my body. It made me more like okay, I’m going to listen to what my body needs. And yeah, on Sundays, I wanted to move more. Yeah. So I think that like if you are going to set like a goal for yourself or intention for the year or word for the year, like not looking at what your friends are doing, and like, oh, well, all of my friends are getting their 3000 peleton rides right this year. And their goal was to hit 87,000, right? He’s a leader in the leaderboard like that might not be what your body is capable of. Yeah, or you might have ADHD, or you might have anxiety or depression. And that prevents you from being able to do certain things. That’s totally okay. And that doesn’t make you a failure. Yeah, you just have to know what you can do. And yes, adjust accordingly. So

Megan 47:33
one of the other things we didn’t, we didn’t really get into talk about, but one of my goals is to create slash continue building upon, like the system that I have for getting my work done. Yeah. So a lot of it’s like, a lot, especially if you have a goal, like if you’re like, oh, I need it, or I’d like to do list. Yeah, all these things you need to do. It gets really overwhelming. But if you have a system for doing that, like this is what you’re going to do this time, this is where you’re going to do it this time, this is where you’re gonna like, or, and especially if like a thing flows into another thing. Yeah, then that is much more achievable than just being like, I have a to do list with 15 things on it, and oh my god, how am I gonna do this, and then, you know, one will take longer than the other, it’s just a mess. But having systems in place is like, so much more helpful. Same thing with like, the laundry, too, like that’s kind of a system on its own, like, yeah, man by nature of doing laundry. Because you have to like put it in the dryer, and then you can’t like you can’t take it out of the washer and just fold it you have to put it in the dryer and then you have to put other clothes in the washer and dryer or

Stephie 48:47
you’re going to have to rewatch it so so maybe your system pacifically timer to remember to go

Megan 48:57
or maybe your system needs to be a meeting, you need to be a person with a fancy washing machine that has Wi Fi that text you when the washing machine

Stephie 49:05
would be amazing. I just usually because a lot of times I’ll throw like the laundry in before I like hop in the shower at night or whatever. And so a lot of times I’ll just leave the lunch, the laundry room light on because it’s the end of the hallway, like where our bedroom is. And then when I go to pee at 1030 before I go to sleep, I’m like, oh, fuck the lights on because I didn’t finish doing the thing. You know,

Megan 49:31
I tried to do it where like I’ll put one in after I shower in the morning. And then usually usually the problem mainly for me is that I don’t go back upstairs. Yeah, most days until like the end of the day. Yes. Because my husband works upstairs and like in theory, he would switch it and he doesn’t always so I tried to make an effort to be like, if I haven’t gone back upstairs by lunchtime. Then I’ll go upstairs and switch it over. Yeah, but it’s No hassle. Also my child’s my teenager will like go to bed at like 10 3011 o’clock at night and be like, No, I need to do my laundry.

Stephie 50:07
I 100 from my library in the wash at like 1030 and then be like, Mama, when you get up, can

Megan 50:13
you throw it? In the dryer? I’m going to bed? Can you put them in the dryer for me? No, we will not. She did. Sometimes we will have laundry to do but her eyes

Stephie 50:24
at me, but she would do it. But I also was the only child. So while we precedent being set for others.

Megan 50:32
And we also have told them approximately 45 times at least, to not start laundry at 11 o’clock at night.

Stephie 50:39
You forget man.

Megan 50:43
Also, he has especially, especially if he does it. He has the whole weekend to do laundry. He still doesn’t like Sunday night. We’re like what do you do? And man,

Stephie 50:51
I don’t have any comments because that was me.

Megan 50:57
Well, your mom’s nicer than I than I am. She

Stephie 50:59
also had the same sort of neurodiversity that I did. And so her brain worked in the same way. So I think she just was like, Yeah, this is some shit I would have done, etc. Except my grandpa was like, pretty fuck instructors. So she I think she was like, I wouldn’t you know what I wish somebody would have let me just be a little loosey goosey when I was that age?

Megan 51:20
Yeah. I mean, on the other hand, I shouldn’t he is doing his own laundry. So there’s that? Sure. It’s just that I buy the clothes so I don’t want them to get ruined, but Picky picky. I don’t have a lot of goals this year actually. Other than those because I’m trying to just I don’t want to say be Zen, but I’m trying to just like live my life. Yes. And kind of like I’m still we’re still coming off COVID I’m still kind of like trying to figure out like, where I want things to go. In my life in my everything, everything. You know, like, especially because I’m getting older. And it’s in a weird way. Like, I’m not that old. But also like, it’s time to start thinking about like, what comes next which is ridiculous. And you know, like my race is gonna take Driver’s Ed this year is gonna give drivers gonna be in college soon. Yeah, my other kids gonna be in middle school and a couple of years. Like it’s, there’s just like a lot of things of life letter

Stephie 52:28
going on NEXT CHAPTER II kind of things happening.

Megan 52:31
They’re like, either, like, coming soon, or like they’re just over the horizon. So it’s kind of like, it’s hard to focus on like, whoo, how can I better myself when you’re just like, I’m just trying to make it through, which is totally fine.

Stephie 52:45
Yes. Well, and I like I like people don’t

Unknown Speaker 52:47
always need go,

Stephie 52:48
No. And one of my friends It’s like she was talking about how like, she’s been in, like, really intentional about like journaling every morning. And I messaged her and I was like, oh, man, my therapist really wants me to journal and I just like, which is ironic, since I am literally a writer. Sounds like work. But I guess maybe that’s why I’m like, Isn’t it because it’s literally work for me? Yeah, I don’t know. But she was like his, she was like, you know, she’s like, I’m also she’s like, I’m an empty nester or like, I’m 50 and I had toddlers like that was not at all going to happen. So she was like seasons a life baby. Thank you for that reminder.

Megan 53:26
Oh, I guess I do have one. I do have one goal and it is related to my garden. Okay, I’m working on expanding my garden this year. Last year, I kind of loosey goosey the garden the first year here. I did pretty good. I was pretty proud of it. Last year was just kind of like a lot for whatever reason. It was I feel like everyone’s like 2022 It was a thing. So I have a lot of plants for this year and we have our like beautiful new fence and we like ripped out some old plants and put in some new plants and we’re gonna like do a lot of other things and

Stephie 54:04
Aren’t you gonna do like a little city? Did you say you like a little sitting area? Yeah.

Megan 54:07
So I was very inspired by my trip to Scotland we went to a lot of little cute. I don’t want the English gardens because it was in Scotland, so Scottish gardens. But like British British gardens where they like have a plethora of plants everywhere and like little walking pads and stuff. I don’t really have the space for like a lovely walking path kind of situation. But I have a bench already and so we’re going to kind of like set it up in the backyard and they’ll put like an arbor and some climbing flowers and like eventually provided that we never sell this house will like be like the English garden of my dreams but little bit at a time that

Stephie 54:55
reminded me so our friend Andy moved with her family across the country here apparently I just don’t know what it is about me. I didn’t think I had that compelling of personality. But friends keep moving to be here in town. Anyway, so they close on their house. And yesterday, so watch their kids while they did that. And before they left to go close, we were talking about like, what a pain it is, like the date couple days before your closing of like, making sure the wire transfer for the money happens in the right time. And like if there’s a holiday or it’s a weekend or the baker will be like pretty sure we can get it there in time. And you’re like, I need more than pretty sure because I need this fucking out. It’s like it’s so stressful. And I was like, yeah, that just like really put my stress over the edge. And I think that’s the point when I looked at Alex and said, Well, we’re dying in this house. kindergartener looks at me and she goes, No, you’re not. And I turned and I go, Oh, can you see the future? Where are we going to die? And she looks me dead in the eyes. completely serious. And she goes in the backyard. I just look at Andy and we both like I go. Well, you can take your creepy ass child. Like, oh my God. Wow. He’s like, I don’t know. I’m leaving though. You gotta keep her here

so apparently Alex are gonna die in our backyard.

Megan 56:28
Well, hopefully,

Stephie 56:30
it was an answer. I did not see coming.

Unknown Speaker 56:34
Hopefully not anytime soon. Hopefully. Oh, man. Gold Gold not to die in the backyard is here.

Stephie 56:43
There you go. Again, the bars in hell. Oh, god, okay. Meghan, what’s bringing you joy this week?

Megan 56:53
This is kind of a weird thing. But when I moved here there’s there’s certain things that you know, you know, better when you are packing? And yet, you’re just trying to fucking pack? Yeah, right. Um, so one of the things that I was just like, I was just like, just a bucket, it’s gonna go in the box was my jewelry. And so for the past two and a half years, I’ve had this little tangle of necklaces.

Stephie 57:28
Going on seven years with mine. Yes.

Megan 57:31
And every once in a while I like because there’s some necklaces in there that I used to wear all the time. Like, I am wearing one right now I’m so happy. So every once in a while, I would like pull it out, look at it and be like, you know, do the little thing where you like rub the bundle together to like think maybe it’s gonna

Stephie 57:50
fall apart.

Megan 57:53
And then I’m just like, Oh, whatever. I don’t have the patience for this. But for whatever reason. Yesterday, I pulled it out and was like, You know what? I’m gonna work on this today. I first of all, there were like seven or eight necklaces in this little bundle. Oh my god. And most of they were all chain necklaces, delicate chains. A couple of them are delicate chains. There was a mix of silver and gold. So it actually was helpful that Yes. And I sat there for at least an hour. tediously jello vanity. At my little vanity, tediously separating these necklaces. And the fact that I was able to sit there for an hour, and focus on this horrible, horrible task brings me a lot of joy. Because obviously, it took me two years to get to the point where I could sit down and do this, why

Stephie 58:52
is why people think that ADHD means that you can’t focus it just means that you have dysregulated focus and it just wasn’t of interest to you. Until this particular moment I went it was the only interest to you.

Megan 59:05
I also It wasn’t even that it was like the only interest to me it was just more that like I think partially because of all the meditation that I’ve been doing. I was like I can just do that. And it’s not gonna make me angry. If I can’t get it done like I’m just gonna be patient with it. And it was it was like its own hour long meditation of like you carefully separating all of them and not breaking any of the chains and then once I got one off, closing the class and sending it off to the side

Stephie 59:36
I will organize these better while hanging them on my little hooks or whatever. Yeah, and so

Megan 59:41
just the fact that I was able to meet it felt like I it was like a growth moment I guess like it made me feel like I’ve had a lot of growth in the past year and then I was just able to get it done and I felt really happy that I got it done obvious. Yeah, I mean Baby what is bringing you joy.

Stephie 1:00:03
Um, so I took the sewing box that I got last week, and I reorganized my little crafting corner in my room, my little project corner, and I like, threw a bunch of trash away that it just like, accumulated as a dense as it does. And I reorganize things, and I figured out a better system for like my various projects that are all like, in progress, and I can know where things are. And I feel really good about it. I can like go and like, Okay, I got my temperature blanket, I can go get my little hook, and we’re gonna I can put it back in as little home. And this auto lasts at least a week.

Megan 1:00:47
I was like the key is putting it back into the home. Yes, yes. Yes, that’s awesome.

Stephie 1:00:52
I because I have multiple, like crochet projects that are ongoing. And I have and I like when i i try when I am crocheting a project to use the same Hulk from start to finish, like God, I have many, many hooks. So I’ll have like multiple hooks at the same size. But always try to use the exact same one from start to finish just because there are minor variances. And so I like took some of the slots in the little sewing box and I put some like painters tape, and I put like the name of the project that that hook is for and like put it in there so that I know and then if I need to use that look for something else. I can write the name of the other project on it. I don’t forget when I go back to do like my temperature blanket. I’m like fuck was I using right that I because I picked you know, grabbed it and put it somewhere else.

Megan 1:01:42
Right? Like, Oh, yep, very smart. Oh, yeah. Anyway, look at you. Oh, no. We’ll get you there.

Stephie 1:01:53
Sunday. My die in my backyard.

Megan 1:01:58
It’s fine. So next week, we are going to talk about the joy squishing of the credit

Stephie 1:02:07
score. Yes. So we’ll be trying to figure out what it is why it matters we can do about it. Until then you leave us a review on Apple podcasts and listen to us on your favorite platform. You can also follow us on social media at IRSA podcast or send us an email I’d rather say in podcast@gmail.com We’d love to hear from you. Bye

Transcribed by https://otter.ai