Hello! Welcome to episode 122 of I’d Rather Stay In. This week, Megan and Stephie are kicking off their two-part series on sex by sharing their personal backgrounds and histories with sex.

Episode transcript

Megan
Welcome to I’d rather stay in with your hosts Megan Myers and Stephie Predmore. This week, we’re starting our two week series about sex. Stay tuned.

Stephie
Do you love listening to I’d rather stay in and want to support the podcast? Well, now you can visit our website or the LinkedIn or Instagram profile and click Buy me a coffee or visit buy me a coffee.com/irsipodcast. For the price of a cup of coffee, you can help us cover the costs of creating this podcast. There are no monthly memberships and you could support us at whatever level you like, whenever you like, whether you buy us one coffee, many coffees or simply continue listening as always, we’re so grateful for your support Hello, Hello. How’s it going?

Megan
Pretty good. My kids started school and so I’m all decompressing from the summer I would say

Stephie
yeah. You’re feeling freeze bird. Like I need some naps now that the summer is over. I

Megan
do need some naps. I almost took a nap yesterday and I did not but I I laid on the couch for a bit now should really take a nap. And then did not at all

Stephie
find the dog took as took all the NAPS for everyone. She was like I’m gonna take all the naps, everybody’s gone.

Megan
My girl loves a nap. I mean, she was also very happy this morning because I woke up and then I like laid on the heating pad for a little bit because my back was hurting because I’m old. And she went down and went outside and then came back up. And she’s like, Oh, you’re still in bed. Next to me, and I’m like, but now I need to get up and get dressed and be human.

Stephie
And you’re like it but I don’t want to because the dog is ugly. Yeah,

Megan
that’s true. I would have stayed if I didn’t have like responsibility.

Stephie
Humans, I want I have a story to tell you. i It’s not really a story. I have a thing to tell you. I don’t know. So I had my annual physical this week. And I have not had one since I left my left the corporate job. And do you know you know how you go to the physicals and they give you that like, questionnaire thing you fill out that’s like in the last two weeks, how often have oh, yes, these things. And it’s always like, it’s like it’s depression screening or whatever. And I for as long as I can remember, like with the exception of the like, have you had like suicidal ideations question. I have always had I’ve always marked like multiple times a week or like a lot or whatever, for basically all of the questions, even after I started. My antidepressants, like the numbers went down, but I still marked something for every single thing again, except for the suicidal ideations. And for the first time ever, this week, when I did it, literally the only one I marked anything for was the fatigue. Yeah. And that’s just a chronic illness problem. Everything else was zero. And I was like,

Megan
Oh, my gosh, what is this life? I’m living I

Stephie
know, I was like, Wait a second. This is amazing. So that’s awesome. Yeah, I was like, I felt very good. I left on whatever morning that was. And I was like, thinking about it. I was like, Oh, my gosh, I’ve literally never marked zero. Basically, anything. That’s amazing. So yay, you know, there we go.

Megan
Making progress.

Stephie
I know, I know. Well, I mean, you know, I told you, I think I told you. Maybe I’ve mentioned on the podcast, that before I left that job. Like I had been thinking like, oh, man, I really need to call my primary care doctor and increase my antidepressant. And I was like,

Megan
No, you just need to quit your job.

Stephie
There’s another another solvable thing we can do here. So apparently, that was definitely just a thing. So anyway, I just thought I’d share that. Because it really put some pep in my step. As much as anything ever can.

Megan
I was gonna say that’s great. But I already said that’s great. So again, it’s great.

Stephie
We love that journey for us. Definitely. Okay, so we’re gonna do a little like, mini series little two episode two parter on sex. We’re going to talk about like, kind of our as I’m calling them sex origin stories. I got that from another podcast and I can’t remember which one I heard it on. Um, And then next week, we’re going to have a really awesome guest to talk about sex as it relates to people with uteruses and vaginas. But I thought we’d start out to sort of like set the stage maybe talking about how we learned about Texas kids like our experiences, nothing graphic, I promise. Although, you know, we are obviously going to be talking about, particularly adult topics this week. So next week, so you know, maybe use those headphones as you feel necessary. While you’re listening. But Megan, let’s, let’s actually start off about how like sex ed, what was your sex ed experience?

Megan
You know, I don’t, it’s so funny. Like, the things that you remember in your life and the things that you don’t remember in your life? Because I don’t remember. A lot of sex ed classes. Um, I’m sure we like had them. At some point. I remember like health class Sure. Which I don’t really classify a sex ed class. I feel like that’s very different. Because

Stephie
yeah, there’s I feel like there’s usually like a sex ed unit.

Megan
Yes. And we did have like, you know, fake babies to carry around. So the ours are made out of paper. Oh, okay.

Stephie
Like the like ones that were the weird animatronic ones that like cry. Oh, no,

Megan
those did not exist. I mean, maybe they did. Okay, when I was in, in high school, but like, they are, we didn’t even have like eggs or flour. It was literally a laminated paper, a piece of paper. That looks like a baby.

Stephie
Excellent. Okay, okay.

Megan
Um, so I there was that and then I’m sure you know, probably fifth grade, maybe I would guess that we probably did like the split off into groups. And then like, right, where are they going to learn about curious and boys learn about? I don’t know,

Stephie
I don’t know. I can speculate, and most of it is learning how to annoy their spouse as an adult, I think. Yeah, yeah. Boys, someday you’re gonna have to wear deodorant? I don’t know. I think that’s what they must talk about. Who knows?

Megan
Right. So I feel like there wasn’t like a lot of actual learning learning. And like, from an educational standpoint, yeah. I because I don’t remember it, but it’s just a kind of a good thing that I don’t remember it. Because that also means I was not completely traumatized by it. True. Yes. Um, and I feel like most of like, what I would have, quote unquote, learned would have been like, through the media. Yeah, like, through movies that I was definitely too young to watch. But it was the 80s that everybody watched everything. Or like magazines, like, you know, 17 and sassy and a Hawaiian, which didn’t really talk about like sex. Right? But like, stuff kind of related to it. Sexy things. I see things how to be like, sexy. Right? So didn’t use the word sexy. No, we wouldn’t know Never. Never. I assume for you. It was probably very religious based in horrible.

Stephie
Yeah, I Well, yeah. Because I because I was thinking about, Okay, did we, because I remember fourth grade and fifth grade, we had to like split off both years, I guess in case it didn’t take the first I forgot, I don’t know. And like my mom had sat me down and talk to me like about my period and whatever beforehand and I had the American girl like the Karen keeping a view book. Which like, I think for my particular generation was quite common. And then, but in terms of like, actual sex ed, like, health class, at some point, I think they touched on STDs. But I don’t think we actually really talked about like, sex and we certainly didn’t talk about like condoms or birth control. I think we just only talked about like, you should probably not have sex because if you do, you will get pregnant or well, more of like in Maine girls were the the teachers like you will get gonorrhea and die.

Megan
Oh, for I mean, I feel like for us, it was definitely like you will get pregnant and you will ruin your entire life. Because I feel like when you learn about when we learned about STDs, it was like, you learn that STDs existed, but you never really learned what they were Right, how you would know if you had one, or the fact that like literally everyone has herpes? Well,

Stephie
I’ll come back to that in a second. I have an interesting, some interesting stories about that. But well, and because you mentioned that you like carried around the fake paper babies, that was like a separate class in my high school class was a separate claiming class was a separate, it was like a home ec class.

Megan
Wait. So that means is elective? Yes.

Stephie
Yes, it was a separate, like Home Ec class. And it was mostly, and I, I know this because my mom ended up doing a long term sub for the home ec teacher. And she ended up being shut up being there probably three quarters of the year in that position. And so she like taught it. And it was, I mean, it was mostly it could because you either had to take two years of a language, or you had to take three years worth of like vocational ed or home EQ, which they didn’t call Womack, but you know, what am I in consumer family, family consumer sciences. So you had to take like a comp like a three years of like those things to equal the two years of language to graduate. And so it was a lot of the kids that like, didn’t take the two years of language and didn’t want to do like, auto shop. Yeah, and whatever welding and so they did the whole my classes, and one of them was like, this parenting class thing or something weird, but they had the babies, they weren’t like animatronics. They didn’t like move but they had the like, the babies that like they were doll the dolls that like cried, and like you had carry, they had to carry them around. And they’re a little like car seat carriers are in school, and like they had them for a certain amount of time. And then the teacher would like upload, like download the information from the robot baby. And like, would see like, oh, did they like shake the baby to get it to stop crying or like whatever? You got? Yeah, no, but yeah, that was like that was an elective. So we didn’t even really talk about that. It was just like, I’ve I have a vague memory of talking about STDs briefly in health class. But the majority of my like sex education, because I didn’t even really like learn that much about it. I get home. The majority of mine came from church. Oh, yes. Because I grew up in the height of the true love waits. Movement. Did you have to sign a pledge? Oh, 100%. Yes. signed the pledge had the purity ring. And my, my, what does this CD look like story. So like, there would be like a whole weekend. This was like where, you know, the youth group kids. It was like a lock in kind of thing. And then we would, it was the true love waits thing. And you learn about why you should not have sex ever until you’re married. Don’t even think about it. And all the terrible things that will happen. And what I remember at one point, and a lot of it was like the boys and the girls split off, some of it was together. But I remember one of the split offs was they brought in someone to talk about STDs and like showed slides of like, genital warts nice and all of these things, and then they brought us back together and we’re like, here’s some pepperoni pizza. And we were like, here’s pepperoni pizza and we were all like ah maybe I don’t want the pepperoni just have the cheese pizza right now. I’m definitely not the sausage pizza. Like that like, looks like these horrifying pictures of like, genital warts and sores from like, clearly super advanced like cases right? Like gonorrhea and whatever like untreated like untreated forever, but that of course was not included in the speech about like, you have sex and you will get an STD and this is what it’s gonna look like. No, that was like not

Megan
I mean, gotten the 90s they were really good at like scare. Scare health. Like you’re gonna smoke. You can have a black lung forever. Yeah.

Stephie
And then they would show you the dead black lung. How many times did Oprah have that? Oh my god. But yeah, like I think like the majority of like, actual, like, actual useful Sex Ed was from the media and from my like non church friends. Yeah. just not a great place to learn that.

Megan
Oh, it’s not and that. Yeah, I understand. Like, I don’t remember, I don’t remember parents having like the sex talk with me either. Which is, you know, it’s like the classic stereotype like your parents are gonna sit you down and talk about sex. And we’re like, Well, yeah, but also, I don’t think that happens in most families. Yeah.

Stephie
I mean, the amount of the amount of things that I did not learn until I was in college is horrifying. Like, I, there was just a huge amount of stuff that I like, just didn’t know, because it wasn’t talked about, like in any of the media that I was watching. Yeah, or like anything like that. So there’s just like, it was like, in my late teens before, I was like, learning a lot of things. Right, like, Oh, okay. Yeah. Wow, I’ve been really sheltered on this topic.

Megan
I also think it’s interesting, because I was thinking about this the other day. When, like, when I was watching sex education, and I was like, all these teenagers, like, have a lot of sex. And so I was thinking back to when I was in high school, and I’m like, I know people like we’re, but not a lot of people necessarily. But if they were, it wasn’t talked about, right. Like, it wasn’t a thing about like, who is doing it, who’s not doing it, and people who aren’t like getting it on in the school, right kind of situation like it. It just, maybe that’s my main because it’s where he grew up in the Midwest, right? Maybe it’s just the time and times have changed, because we’re old.

Stephie
I mean, certainly there were people having sex, because there were a couple of girls that got pregnant in high school. But like, Yeah, I think that was not talked about really. Yeah. And of course, because of the society that we live in. The girls that did get pregnant were labeled as slots like that. Like, you wouldn’t want to talk about it. Right? Like, whatever. And the boys had zero repercussions, of course, obviously. Um, but yeah, it wasn’t like this big like, Oh, I know, everyone’s having sex. Bla bla bla, bla, bla, bla bla. And I also see also youth group kid, like, I wasn’t going to like party parties. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, so like, I there weren’t like shenanigans happen. So like, my, like, super boring. Vanilla friends. So like, I don’t know, my, my boyfriend I dated for three years who never even touched my boobs. Like,

Megan
that makes me sad.

Stephie
Well, along those lines, when did you first have sex?

Megan
After high school, but it was like the summer after, okay. But it’s kind of just like, not with a person that I cared about that much to be honest. But the the boyfriend that I had in, like, senior year in high school, I really, really, really liked and like I wanted to, but also I was terrified of getting pregnant. Well, good.

Stephie
Because you had to carry the paper baby around. Not because the

Megan
paper baby but just an agenda for everybody. I was like, I’m gonna go to college. I have a whole life in front of me and like, I don’t even think I don’t think abortion was something that was talked about as something that yeah, like, it was not just a thing at all. Like, I knew what happened, right? But it just wasn’t like a thing. It was just like, you’re gonna get pregnant and your life’s gonna be over. Yeah, so I was just terrified right of getting pregnant. And so we never did, which made me sad to like, think back on when

Stephie
I was 23 Uh huh. And also, the great irony of being a super infertile is that I also spent like most of college like being like, Oh my God, if I have sex I’m definitely I’m definitely the person that would get pregnant like that is that is just that is me. I would be the person that would get pregnant and then like, what? Oh, dear. And so like, that was just like this. Like, actually, it’s funny because I talked about this with one of my infertile friends not too long ago. Because we were we were talking about how just like so much of the purity culture bullshit that we learned growing up is bullshit. And like that, between that and then this like fear of getting pregnant that clearly was moot for us. We were like, We really wish that we had had all the second all of the sex like I can think of Have people on like, I mean, looking back, like really, you know, I was just like terrified again, like you said, of getting pregnant. And I was like, Oh my gosh. And then I still had all of this, like, purity culture nonsense that I was like working through. And I mean, it’s even only bad like recently that I’ve really disentangled myself from a lot of that. But like, some of that stuff has carried into, like, my relationship with my husband. Like, it’s damaging. And we’ve talked about that a little bit in our episode on purity culture, but like, it’s just bananas, how it just, like, keeps following you around. These things that you learn these really formative years. They just follow me around.

Megan
I mean, it’s true for everything. Yeah, but yeah, I can see how that could be a, like an issue, if you don’t like, also because it’s, it’s embarrassing. Yeah, in a way to be like, you know, be with your, your partner, and be like, I don’t know anything about anything. And it makes me feel awkward and

Stephie
right, you have like, to feel really like safe with someone. And I will say, like, in the long run, the guy that I lost my virginity to or whatever, however, we want to put that I’m not a great dude. But like, at the time like it, because he also had grown up in the church. And so like, he hadn’t had sex either. And so, like, we were, like, it was not as weird to be like, oh, shit that like, I don’t know. Or like, what? Yeah. Because he, like, totally got that. But yeah, I’ve only had sex with two people. That’s, that’s my story. I mean, it’s not a long list,

Megan
doesn’t really matter. And will think, long as you’re happy.

Stephie
Well, right. But except there is those moments where I’m like, I don’t know what back and go redo college just a little, a little bit. You know, like, a little bit more fun in college.

Megan
Well, apparently, you know, women outlet women outlive men. They still owe people they get along.

Stephie
That is true, though. Like I because I know someone who like she, one of her first jobs was for the Red Cross. And her job was to like, go around to the nursing homes and teach the old people about condoms and STDs. It’s like one of the, I don’t know, this, this this statistic off the top of my head, but it’s like one of the places with the highest occurrence of STD.

Megan
I mean, think about it. Like you’re, you’re not gonna have any problems getting pregnant, because that’s not paying. And you might die any minute.

Stephie
So like, really, right? Well, I

Megan
remember sandable I remember.

Stephie
I remember my, my, my grandfather, my mother, she and my grandma were married for 68 years. And then she died. And then he lived another like four or five years. And he was quite the hot commodity in the assisted living facility. And he like had he had a couple of girlfriends. And I just remember my aunts and my dad just being like, Oh my God. We found them like in the same like room together. Like she he was clearly staying in her little apartment like blah, blah, blah. And my mom was like, He’s 95 had prostate cancer, like whatever they’re able to do. Let them do for God’s sake. Yes, like, it’s fine.

Megan
It is totally fine. Let them be happy.

Stephie
Like, oh, my gosh. So, you know, I think like even so obviously, you know, neither of us had particularly comprehensive sex ed. But I think Well, I think there’s a big thing. And this is like one of the things I want to talk about with our guests next week. But I think one of the big things that even if you have like pretty good sex ed, I think like as a woman as a person with a uterus, uterus, that there’s like big pieces that we just like don’t talk about and that you think like the fact that just like women experience like sexual attraction and desire in a different way then people with penises do. The fact that we struggle so much differently with like orgasm and ended with libido. And just like all there’s like, all of these things are like pain during sex or like, whatever that nobody talks about. So then like, if you’re one of the people that experiences any of those things, which like, raising my hand, that’s me. You’re like, Okay, I’m on this island by myself. And if you attempt to bring it up to like, your, your gynecologist, odds are good. They’re gonna be like, Yeah, I don’t know.

Megan
Yeah, it was, it reminds me of that news McSweeney’s article that I shared with you recently about menopause. Because it’s just I feel like it’s related to literally every health concern that people with uteruses have, where it’s just like, why we don’t really know, like a mystical cave down there. We’ve never studied anything that happens ever. If they don’t have answers for you. Like, every time I go to the doctor, I’m like, you know, I’m getting older, and I know, menopause is on the horizon. What do I need to look out for? And they’re just like, Oh, you’re probably you know, a few years away. So whatever, like, your period will get lighter. And I’m like, But what? Like, please, like, I need information. And I feel like it’s that way with everything related to the uterus. And it’s

Stephie
like, I like I said to my gynecologist once, because like, I’ve always struggled with like, orgasm. And, and I like said something to not my current gynecologist. But so a few years ago, and I like brought it up, and they’re like, oh, yeah, I mean, I don’t know. I don’t know. Women, you

Megan
have some problems. Yeah,

Stephie
your blood work is fine. I don’t know, maybe go see, like a sex therapist, or I don’t know, something. I don’t know. I was like, Okay, well, that was not just don’t like your partner, right? Or, like, there’s like all of these things. And like, and there’s just, I and then it comes to come to find out. It’s like, super common. Yeah. And that’s just like, an I am very, I’m very lucky in that. I have a partner, who is very interested in me having a good time. And so, like, he is the one that will be like, let me do some research. And let me come up with some ideas here because I get so frustrated. And I’m like, fuck, I just don’t even care like whatever. Like, I’m like, whatever. I’m tired of the I’m tired of the whole thing, just whatever. And where he’s like, no, no, no, no, no, no. And then like, he’ll come up with ideas and be like, let’s try this. Let’s try this. Let’s try this. And I’m like, okay. But if I didn’t have a partner who like, gave a shit about whether I was enjoying sex, I would just probably be like, I mean, yeah, it’s whatever. Yeah. And it’s, it’s too exhausting. And nobody talks about it.

Megan
Yeah. And I will say, there’s probably a lot of people couples out there that like, do have that issue where, I mean, it’s obviously reflected on TV a lot. Yes, where the woman is unsatisfied, but they never know. resolve it?

Stephie
No, they’ve had this like, the job to the bottom of the job. Yeah. And so like, I mean, I even like, well, and then there’s just the stigma against things like, like using like vibrators, like even like together or what like even like if you Okay, so they talk about on Sex in the City. They talk they have like, the whole like the rabbit Yeah, so but that’s like about Charlotte like, by herself. She’s single. She doesn’t she’s not with anybody. Like there’s no conversation about it as like, Okay, if you are a partnered person, and a happy relationship, like it’s something that you guys can enjoy together or like explore together like there’s nothing about that and it’s just this like weirdly stigmatized thing that like doesn’t need to be stigmatized. And we’ll talk about this next week with our our guest but it’s just bizarre to me how much like sex is stigmatized when it comes to the like when it comes to vaginas and Vulvas and not when it comes to penises.

Megan
And I will just say right off the bat I mean, I guess not right off the bat because you’ve been talking for a while. penises are gross. Like they’re not pretty. They’re kind of weird the look at they don’t feel good, really strange god, like it’s just a weird body part. They’re flopping around. Like I would not want to have Venus. Boobs are not great either. But like, they make things to contain them. seances are just kind of sort of in there with your underwear. And like you have to move them around all the time. And like, at least with your boobs, they’re like, contained.

Stephie
Right. There they are. strap them in.

Megan
I don’t know. I think they’re down

Stephie
there. Seems weird, okay aren’t weird. We’d say this. I feel like women and heterosexual married relationships.

Megan
That’s how I feel like people with penises probably could, for the most part also agree they’re a little weird.

Stephie
They’re a little strange.

Megan
Also, like just the weird, like, obsession with like, I guess they’ve taken this weird thing that they have. And they were like, well, this is what we have. So like now is going to define our entire identity for

Stephie
everything has to be about it.

Megan
Very strange.

Stephie
Well, like even if you think about like, how often do you see erectile dysfunction ads?

Megan
Oh my god aware? Yes, this is one of my huge pet peeves, erectile dysfunction ads, billboards everywhere TV commercials, magazine inserts, radio commercials, it’s literally everywhere. Viagra is covered by insurance. Like, why is it so important that men can get a fucking erection? Right, but like women can like if women who want to have an orgasm does

Stephie
not talk about it. We’re not gonna we’re not gonna really

Megan
have sex at all.

Stephie
We’re not going to be where you know, that’s there. We’re not going to offer you any sort of medication. We’re not going to offer you any sort of research we’re not going to I mean, even like, like just advertising, I feel like for like period products. It’s so much different than like the ad ads that are everywhere.

Unknown Speaker
Oh my god. What?

Stephie
They’re just it’s it’s all like I remember being a kid and seeing these like Viagra ads me like, why is that? Like, I don’t want

Megan
the guy like coming up behind his wife in the kitchen. Get out of my kitchen. On on the yacht? Like oh my god, what’s that episode one where they’re like both getting into a bathtub or something?

Stephie
Was that like episode of parenthood? Where the dad did you

Megan
watch parenthood? No, because it is grief trauma TV show.

Stephie
Okay, so the dad, grandpa, at one point, he’s like, I’m gonna be an actor. And then he was cast in this erectile dysfunction medication ad. And it’s just like him like, driving a boat. These guys like, captain’s hat on

Megan
or there’s like a convertible. Yeah. And the wife has like a flowy scarf.

Stephie
Always the scarf like, like, Oh,

Megan
yes. Yeah, for so horrible.

Stephie
But like, you know, period as well, we can put a woman in a white dress. And you’re just gonna have to assume everything else

Megan
will take some blue liquid. We’ll pour. It’s always a piece of cotton. It’s always blue. And then we will take our product and we will pour it on there. And look how amazing it is. Guys.

Stephie
I have had my period for 20 Whenever you’re in blue, it’s never been blue. Blue boiler leads go to the doctor. Yeah, if you’re very blue. Oh my god. Definitely see you’re kind of cautious about that.

Megan
Also, it’s like blue water. Like consistency.

Stephie
Like you can at least give us a viscous liquid

Unknown Speaker
on maple syrup. Woody, better maple syrup would literally

Stephie
be better. With some like, blobs.

Unknown Speaker
Was

Stephie
I mean, that’s the thing too, though. Like you never learned about any of that. So when you’re a teenager, and like if you experienced any clotting, like, Oh, I’m literally dying right now.

Megan
Yes. I think it’s interesting, though. How? I don’t know if a lot of schools do it now. But I have seen in I’ve heard about more schools, and also just public places in general. Providing products. Yeah, in the bathroom do

Stephie
you think is so for free? They should be because they should be free.

Megan
And like, we’re not even going to get into the pink text? Because that’s a whole thing. No, we could do we’ll do a whole episode on the pink. Oh, we will. Um, but just like being in high school, and if you didn’t have anything,

Stephie
like, yeah, you’re just

Megan
kind of like, you’re just gonna want up toilet paper, I

Stephie
guess. And like, what are you going to do? So having schools like provided is amazing. Like I remember in high school, at least, like I knew my friends had their periods. So like, I could ask like, Hey, do you have an extra tampon or pattern? Yeah. But like, I remember being in sixth grade. I mean, one of the first girls to get her period. And it was like, so embarrassing. Like, they made fun of the girls who had their periods early. And so there was like a tiny handful of us who would just like hide in the bathroom. I’ve been like, what up toilet paper? And please let no one no like, oh my gosh, this is so embarrassing. Yeah, I’m gonna get made fun of and then finally got to high school at least you’re like, well, probably most of the people have it so I can at least ask now but yeah, you’re like, Do you see anyone who don’t have anything amazing I can you

Megan
if you were lucky, you would maybe have like one of those dispensers. That costs right I think when I wrote well in the locker room or the bathroom in the bathroom, when I was in school, I think it was like 25 cents. Yeah.

Stephie
But they went to hope that it was full and it wasn’t broken.

Megan
And yes, that’s true. Because it was usually empty. And that

Stephie
it wasn’t your heavy day.

Megan
Because they were also the worst products you could possibly use, like made out of cardboard.

Stephie
Yes. One drop of blood and like disintegrate and you’re like, okay, cool. That’s awesome.

Megan
I mean, don’t go home now.

Stephie
Helpful. needs love this for me. Yeah, awful. Um, tangentially related, there is a there’s an account on Tik Tok that I follow and love. And it is this is he calls himself the middle aged brown man. And he’s, I think he I think he might be Indian, um, I could be wrong. And he is of a husband and a father. And he actually, they’re, the company makes they make reusable diapers, but they also make like, reusable pads, and like menstrual products. And like, all sorts of things. And I follow them. Because he is just like, first of all, he just has this like, really sweet, just wonderful demeanor. But like the way that he talks about like, Yeah, I’m a man. And I’m a cisgendered man. And I make, you know, reusable menstrual products. But like I seen, if it’s worth thinking the same guy, he’s a delight, because he just talks about, he’s like, I love my wife. And like, I wanted to create something that was comfortable for her to use, and she could reuse and it was like, you know, made her like, it was all about like, he’s like, created these products, like very much with the women in his life in mind. And like, she’s just delightful. And like, he was talking about, like, like, there was something that came on my feed the other day, and it was about like, like, if you wanted to, like, you know, have instead of like laying a towel down or something, if you’re gonna have sex, like we’ve got this like blanket and it’s like, really cute on one side, like it’s got these cool pad like fabrics on one side, just like, here’s here’s a pattern that’s it’s unicorns with wine bottles. And it was like taught and like just the way that he talked about, he talks about this stuff and like a very like D stigmatized way. And he was like, you know, I didn’t grow. He’s like, I grew up and it’s all of this was stigmatized for me. I’m a middle aged brown man. Like, this is like, this is not something we talked about growing up. And he’s like, I don’t want my kids to grow up and not know about this stuff. Like, I don’t know, it was it’s just like, so refreshing to watch his tiktoks I’m like, Oh, my God, I love you so much. This is great. Like, this is how it should be.

Megan
Yeah, I think it’s important. I know, a lot of people were like, Oh, if you talk about sex, then like, your kids are gonna have sex at a really young age, and they’re gonna have babies, and it’s gonna be little, they’re gonna ruin their lives, like, but I think that studies have shown them that’s one not true, right? But two, you want your kids to feel comfortable about their sex, sexuality, regardless of who they are, right, or what their preferences are anything like that. They need to feel comfortable, because you don’t want to like go into a marriage, for example. And like, have all of this, like pent up anxiety, and nervousness and not knowing anything about that, like you want to be able to be intimate with your partner and not have it be a really worrying thing, right? There’s so many people I know that waited until marriage to have sex with their spouse. And it was horrible, which great like the first time is pretty much horrible as you don’t know what you’re doing. But also, some of them like they could not make it better with their spouse. It was just horrible. And they were like, well, that was terrible. We’re not going to do bad. Nevermind. Yes, exactly. And that’s not how it should be.

Stephie
Right. Right. So you are raising a teen? Yes. Let’s talk about that.

Megan
He seems to not be remotely he’s it’s so interesting to watch him grow up. Because he’s a teen obviously has all the teen emotions, but he’s also very chill about lots of things and he seems completely unconcerned about it. interest in other people, right? He there was a girl that he, I wouldn’t say dated, but they like went to a dance together in middle school. And that was basically it. And since we came here, nothing’s really happened isn’t really talked about anybody. He doesn’t seem interested in dating anybody doesn’t seem remotely interested in it. And so it’s interesting for me to watch that. I think he might have health class this year. Yeah. And so I don’t know how any of that’s going to change. And so like, now he’s in high school. Right. And I feel like, some of that will change. But I feel like he’s just like, Yeah, I’m here to go school.

Stephie
How did this how did the sex conversate? Like, have you like, had conversations with him about sex and birth control?

Megan
I have not. Bob has had a few talks with him. But it was a few years ago. Yeah, I think it was when he started middle school. And I think they did like a sex ed unit. In middle school. We were like, you have any question? So we’ll probably have to revisit it again soon just to give like a refresher and make him feel really uncomfortable. Right? Um, and it’s not that I necessarily want him to because he is my child and right, he’s, he’s my little baby. I

Stephie
don’t think anybody wants to think about their kids just like sex.

Megan
But I do want him to feel comfortable to be able to come to us if he needs something, or if he has questions. So trying to make sure that at least we seem open about it. Right. But he’s definitely still a little bit of the age where for watching the show when people are kissing or start go a little bit past because he was like, Oh, gross, but I don’t know if that’s an act or right. If he’s really still everything’s gross. I think you I think he’s probably I mean, he’s teetering on that edge, I think right age well, because

Stephie
like, you guys were in Vegas, when all the Roe v. Wade stuff happened. And I was like, He’s a teenager on social media. Like, he’s gonna shit, I should probably say something about this to him. So like, I didn’t like go like too in depth. But I was like, hey, like, this happened today. This was repealed, like, Do you know why it’s a big deal. He was like, not really. And so like, I just like briefly explained, like, you know, this takes away, you know, could potentially take away access to abortion. But it could also lead to other things like access to birth control, or the rights of LGBTQ plus people. Like it’s like that. I was like, Do you want to talk about it or have questions? Let me know, obviously, you can talk to your parents to like, whatever. But I was like, Okay. And he was like, Okay, any like, yeah, often plays video games.

Megan
I think we generally, I don’t know about bad, but I for sure. I’m not kind of. I’m not the kind of parent that’s like, we can’t talk about certain things. Right. A table like we talk about whatever the dinner table what’s right politics,

Stephie
I’ll just, we’ll just start talking about and that’s why I’m like, I’m pretty sure they’ll be fine. If I like say this to them. Yeah. And because like, I’ve been here like, I was literally sitting on your couch when January 6, like started going down and the insurrection was happening? Oh, yeah. And we were like talking about it with them and stuff. So I

Megan
was like, Yeah, we were watching it. We were all watching it together as family. Yeah. You’re not a

Stephie
sensory group of parents?

Megan
No. Um, yeah, I think I think that’s partially because especially because I don’t have a huge filter a lot of times and I just kind of want to talk about whatever I want to talk about NF. It’s that at the moment, and my kids are in the room. Fine. But also, I want them to be able to hear about things like Roe v. Wade, and ask questions and learn about certain things.

Stephie
And you can always talk about it when an age appropriate way with them. Yeah, like, Yeah, whatever.

Megan
I mean, if there’s a chance that my fourth grader will come home from school, and his teachers will have a note that says, you know, he talked about whatever in class and that’s not what it’s fine. It’s

Stephie
like, I mean, I’m teaching my child like she pointed to voice, our male dog’s penis. She goes, a poop. And I go, Oh, that and she goes, Yeah, I go, Oh, that says penis and she goes, penis, penis penis. And then she was like, pointing like, she was like, I don’t know, because, like, it’s like the body parts. And Allison’s like, Okay, where’s your butt instead of like, grabbing her, but she like, she like pointed to her vulva. And I go, Well, that’s your vulva. She’s like, Huh? And so like, I mean, chances are pretty good at this point that we could get a note from daycare going your two year old, said vulva and penis today, and I’m going to be like, and those are the anatomical or the anatomical terms. I actually I know who her teachers are, and our teachers would probably be like, Yeah, that’s correct. Yeah, I would not be like weirded out at all, but

Megan
it’s more likely that probably other parents would be like, Why explaining that their child suddenly learned

Stephie
the word? Right? Right? Yeah. But I’m like, I don’t know. I do. And I agree. Like, I think, I think that it is just better to be open about it with your kids and like, well, cuz there’s that. It’s sort of the scarcity mindset, right? Like, okay, it’s this thing that we don’t talk about, thing that we don’t like, Oh, don’t do it, don’t talk about it. Like, well, then you’re curious about it. Right? Like, you know, I don’t know, I think I think there’s a lot of things that that can apply to anything you can apply to like, understanding like how to consume alcohol in a responsible manner. And you know, now that weed is legal in a lot of places like cannabis in a really, in a more responsible manner. And, like, not just go to college and be like, I’m a drink all the things and smoke all the weed and have all those ducks like, yeah, know how to do it responsibly, and be safe. And it’s something that you can talk to your parents about. I think that that’s, yeah, at some point, it’s probably gonna be uncomfortable for everybody. But like, Isn’t that better than your child not knowing and then getting themselves into like, a really risky situation?

Megan
Right? Do you want him to be a little bit uncomfortable now? Or do you want him to be possibly really bad later?

Stephie
Right? Exactly. Exactly. Because I feel like not knowing can just be again, and it’s not just like, Oh, you’re they’re gonna get pregnant, or they’re gonna get an STD. Like, it can be that they get married, and then they just end up being in a really just unsatisfactory, like, sexual relationship with their partner. And then like, you, I don’t know, like, I just, there’s like, psychological doom. Yeah, let me let’s, let’s for, you know, our kids are gonna end up in therapy someday, but like, maybe we can talk about different things than we have to talk about in therapy. That’s my philosophy is like, okay, my child is going to end up in therapy someday, maybe at least we should have, like different things to talk about than what I’m talking about with my therapist. Right. That’s the hope. Like, I’m sure I’m gonna give her plenty of fodder. But let’s, let’s make a different material. Right, let’s, let’s change it up a little bit.

Megan
I’m excited for next week, we’re gonna have a really good conversation, I think with our guest about probably some of the same thing. But we’ll get a little deeper.

Stephie
Yeah. And we’ll get a little expert opinion on some things. And so yeah, I think it’d be really a really cool conversation. Yeah. So what’s bringing you joy?

What’s bringing us joy?

Megan
I haven’t been reading a lot of books lately. I feel like I’ve talked, I feel like this has been a joy, previously, but I don’t care. It’s fine. I was behind on some books. And so I realized I got some books off of my hold list from the library. And then I was thinking, Oh, no, I have to read all of them now. Especially, especially because when you get books on off of the hold list. Usually, that means there are other people behind you on the whole list. And so you don’t get to keep the book for as long, right?

Stephie
The renewal isn’t the new all options are not as great. They’re no,

Megan
usually from our library, they will renew books for you. And so you get a book for three weeks to start off with, and then they’ll just keep renewing it for you, which is very lovely. But when you get a book off the whole list, you only get like two weeks to read it. Yes. Which would be fine. Normally, if you didn’t already have five books on your pile, fine.

Stephie
Costco yesterday, as if I don’t have I didn’t love books.

Megan
I didn’t even look because I was worried. And I’d probably end up with three cookbooks that I don’t need. Um, and so I finished two books last week. I finished All the Light We Cannot See which, when I first started, it was a little bit slower, but then it kind of just like sucked me in and I kind of blew through it. Considering is a deep topic, too. I was surprised how quickly I read it, to be honest, but I really liked that one. And I read Jonathan Vanessa’s new book. And then I am halfway through already. Think again by Adam Grant. I read a lot of it on our car read up to Wisconsin Dells. And so I’m working through that. But then I was reading it last night and I decided to pause in reading that to start reading another book. Yep, in there. Because I got I’ll read Gordon’s book. So I started reading that one. So now I have two in progress. And usually I don’t read two nonfiction books at the same time. Usually if I’m reading two books at the same time, I will do a thing One book and a nonfiction book. Yes. So my brain doesn’t get confused. Yes, but I apparently I couldn’t help it. So

Stephie
I mean, I can’t blame you on that one.

Megan
But I have to finish. I have to finish. Think again, because I already started it first of all, so I can read my other books that I got off hold.

Stephie
It’s fine, it’s fine. I did have a book, a library book that I was reading that then like I actually really did have to return. And I was like, because all by I had it cut falling to the bottom of the pile. And then, but it’s one that I decided I’m gonna do for my adoption book club. And so I just ended up like returning it. And I have in my Goodreads like, what page I’m on or whatever. And I just like messaged Liz at the bookstore, and I was like, Can you order this? So the paperback is coming out later this month. So I’m like, I’ll just wait. And I’ll finish it when I get the paperback. Because I’m gonna need the copy to do the book club anyway. Yeah, I was like, oh, okay, that’s fine. I’ll do this. Or, like, Yes, I understand that juggle of like, Oh, I got this book off the whole list. Oh, shoot. No, I have to read it.

Megan
Yeah. And obviously, I don’t I don’t have any business getting books from the library, because I already have a bunch of books that I own that I need to read. But it’s all

Stephie
I mean, it’s fine. My new thing is Opie on Tiktok. And it’d be like, Hi, I’m an indigenous queer author. And I just have this book coming out soon. And it’s about blah, blah, blah. And I’m like, oh, pre order. Oh, it’s really important. Premiums are really important. And I really want this marginalized person to have a really successful book launch. So I’m going to preorder this book and that’s my active social, just, I believe in No, it’s fine.

Megan
I’m just trying really, really hard to use the library instead of buying I have been trying really hard. And I’ve been doing pretty good. Because I do obviously, love our local bookstore and I love supporting bookstores, I just need to stop buying them. Because I read them once. And then I never read them again.

Stephie
I Loki want to start a little free library, my front yard. You have a good neighborhood for that. Yeah, cuz it’s one we’re right by the park. And so like, we do get a lot of foot traffic. So I’m like people like walking by, like, separately been on my like, I mean, they’re not cheap. If you get the ones like from Little Free Library organization or whatever, they’re not cheap. And I don’t have a person who can just like, build one for me.

Megan
I mean, you do, but I don’t think you want that. No.

Stephie
It’s fine. Um, so it’s like, okay, well, maybe I’ll save up my dollars. And then I’ll start a little free library. And then that’s where it’s some of these books that we’ve read once in our life. This was good. I’m not gonna read it again. A little free library. It’s fine.

Megan
Yeah, it’s fine. Yeah, we have lots of I think I need to just donate them. Because I am also like, oh, I can sell them to our bookstore. Right. But I have so many books, I really would just need her to come to my house.

Stephie
She says you can take up to 500. How would I? I mean, I don’t know how you get them there.

Megan
The problem is that I would bring them in, and then she would probably only be able to take like, 20 of them. And then I still have to bring back I know 300 bucks, yes. It’s fine, which is where I’m like, I might just donate them to like the revitalization project or something. Right? I could use books. I don’t know.

Stephie
I know, right?

Megan
What is bringing you joy,

Stephie
um, I because you know, I certainly don’t have enough projects, or things that I do. I’m just sitting around bored all the time. I decided to order myself a punch needling kit, Etsy. And because I was like, I like to stab things. And this is a very stabby project. And I did it and it was I did like, did it in the evening. It was a very quick thing. I had to watch a couple YouTube videos. It’s like figure it out. But once it did, like the concept is very simple. And I just you just step, step, step, step, step. And then you’re like, look at this thing. I can hang on my wall now. So that was very fun. And now I have the little punch needle tool, and I know how to do it. And so I can just like order more of the like fabric for it and like, do more if I want and you just end it uses yarn, which I have in spades. I have lots of yarn. So I’m like, actually the line so now I know how to punch needle.

Megan
There’s a lot of really cute punch needle pillows that I’ve seen.

Stephie
It’s funny because like somebody I like, posted about on my Instagram stories and somebody messaged me, a crafty person. I know, messaged me and she was like, Okay, let me know how this goes because my sister is expecting a baby and she wants me to do a punch needle pillow with the baby’s name on it except I’ve never punched needled anything So I was like, Okay, well, I wouldn’t make that your first project. But like it is pretty simple and you’re crafty. So you would pick it up easily. So just like get a kit or two off of Etsy and then you should be able to figure it out. Yeah. So, yeah, my passion really cool. I go learn another craft.

Next week’s episode

Megan
So as we said, before, next week, we will be returning to the sex topic with a special guest.

Stephie
So until then, follow us on social media at irsipodcast and give us a listen and rate review us and all of the things on Apple podcasts. You can also send us an email at idratherstayinpodcast@gmail.com We’d love to hear from you. Bye

Transcribed by https://otter.ai