Hello! Welcome to episode 82 of I’d Rather Stay In. This week, we’re joined by our friend Brandy O’Neill to talk all about travel anxiety.

Quick links

• Connect with Brandy on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nutmegnanny/
• Cutest little cheese curd toddler sweatshirt
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Episode transcript

Megan
Welcome to I’d rather stay in with your hosts Megan Myers and Stephie Predmore. This week we’re talking about travel and anxiety with our guest, Brandy O’Neill. Stay tuned.

Stephie
Do you love listening to I’d rather stay in and want to support the podcast? Well now you can visit our website or the link in our Instagram profile and click Buy me a coffee or visit buymeacoffee.com/irsipodcast. For the price of a cup of coffee, you can help us cover the costs of creating this podcast. There are no monthly memberships and you could support us at whatever level you’d like whenever you like. Whether you buy us one coffee, many coffees or simply continue listening as always, we’re so grateful for your support.

Hello, Megan.

Megan
Good evening. Stephie How are

Stephie
you? I am doing good. You are so close to having your kids back in school.

Megan
So close by the time this drops they will be in school have been in school for a couple of days. They start Thursday and Friday. Are you

Stephie
so ready for your house? Just be quiet. It’s gonna be so weird though. I

Megan
very I don’t it’s very strange. Because it’s been you know, a year and a half. And you know, he’s changed a lot of things about our life in the meantime. But also I’m so excited to like get stuff done. My my although I’m like, it’s you can tell it’s been a really really long time. Because the thing I’m most excited about doing when they’re at school is like deep cleaning my kitchen.

Stephie
It’s true guys. I was over there the other day and she was like my floor is filthy. I can’t I can’t get I can’t do anything with it until you

Megan
look at my floor. My house. Yeah, I’m pretty excited. I’m gonna like barkeeps friend the oven door. I’m gonna do like also. It’s good. I love it. Yeah, I mean, I even I might even like vacuum in the pantry. Try to get all that onion peel dust.

Stephie
Yeah, onion peel dust random like crushed pretzels. Yeah, wherever.

Megan
Who knows what is lurking in there? Yeah, I’m excited. I for some reason, I can’t. I feel like I just can’t do it when they’re here. There’s just too many as

Stephie
well. And they immediately come in and like need a snack. They

Megan
need a snack or it’s lunchtime. And then they leave wrappers of things laying around everywhere. There’s just crumbs all the time. Yeah, so many crops. Oh, like I know, it’s fruitless, because I’m gonna do it on Friday. And then it’s the weekend. But I will feel bad.

Stephie
Yeah, it’ll be really great. Yeah, it’ll be beautiful for like, four hours, and then that’s fine. Did you get that four hours?

Megan
Yeah. I love that. How are you?

Stephie
I’m good. We’ve got some teething going on in our house. And so tonight, I pretty much fed the baby like bread and cheese, her dinner because that’s what she was willing to eat. And then I plopped her in her stroller and just her diaper was like we’re going for a walk. It’s just like, walked her neighborhood and just her diaper. She was like hugging on to her. poohbear that was like YOLO

Unknown Speaker
Yeah,

Megan
I mean, and then I was like,

Stephie
You know what, honestly, if someone wanted to push me around in a stroller in my underwear, I like wouldn’t be mad about it.

Megan
Right? You got your little snugly

Stephie
behind. Honestly, I’m like, why is this only acceptable when you’re a toddler? That’s kind of rude. So,

Megan
I mean, it’s a little hot sticky, though. I’m not about that.

Stephie
Yeah, it was a little hot and sticky and little muggy. So I worked a little a little bit of a sweat on the walk. She was perfectly content. We only dropped poohbear once. So it was successful.

Megan
Good times. I was very proud of her when I took her for the walk because she did not she wore her hats. And she didn’t take that off for a very very long time. And then she didn’t drop that or her sippy cup.

Stephie
That isn’t I was reading good. It was like

Megan
Primo stroller behavior. I was shocked. My kids throw everything out when the

Stephie
best behavior with her. Yeah, usually if she drops things, it’s only at this at this point. If she drops things on walks. It’s usually only by accident where she just like, gets distracted and her grip loosens. She doesn’t usually like just get shit out of her stroller anymore. But

Megan
you save that for when she’s in my living room.

Stephie
Yes, she does. She says that for when she’s in the house, preferably if there’s a dog around and it’s like a Cheerio, she’s yeet says Cheerio. There you go. So where they’re in cahoots, bless it. So depending on where you live, travel is just starting to pick back up after 18 months of not really being much of an option. And with that is understandably coming in some pretty heavy anxiety around travel, especially if you were already prone to travel anxiety.

Megan
This topic has been on our list for a long time, and we’re excited to finally be able to dig into it with the help of our friend and repeat guest Brandy O’Neill Welcome back. Brandy.

Stephie
Hello, lovely ladies. Hello. Hi, brandy. How are you? How are the cats? How are the plants tell us all the things?

Brandy
I’m good. The cats are good. Our newest addition meji cat she was brought in in December. I don’t know if I told you about her. She’s an utter disaster. We adore her. She tried to pick up a knife yesterday off the counter. normalities me What? Yeah, she is a she devil. We love her

Megan
to go chop some things. Seriously, I was like, What are you gonna do? Like, are you gonna go murder somebody

Stephie
wants you to be like, she just wants you to know that she could end you if she was exactly

Unknown Speaker
like she totally could. She’s, yeah, she’s the best. And my plants are good. My Jolla just recently bloomed. I’m actually going to blooms off at this year. That may mean nothing to many people who are listening. But it was a big hooray moment for me.

Megan
I did not know they even had flowers.

Unknown Speaker
Oh my gosh, listen, they come out and this like beautiful cluster. And the flowers look like pink velvet. And the flowers smell the most fragrant at nighttime. So you have to go in there at night. And it smells like chocolate. What? I know, it’s fantastic. Why so happy.

Stephie
Brandy before we started recording, you know, we were saying that you have to come visit us soon. There’s actually a new plant shop that just opened here in town. And they have a they have a shop dog. So I went in there first day Ed and I went in and we walked in and there was a dog and we were like so I will have you the bells. Yeah, come come visit the shop dog at the plant shop next to the coffee shop. It’s great. And they’re already I’m booking a ticket. So speaking of that segue that was oh my gosh, we’re amazing. You do travel quite a bit now a pandemic aside. But Megan, and I know from being your friends that this was not always the case for you. So can you give us some background on your history with travel and your anxiety around it?

Unknown Speaker
Yeah, so I had no issue with traveling flying when I was a kid. I’m not that I flew a lot as a kid. And then even my early 20s I was fine. But I had like a really bad abusive relationship. And when I left that relationship, I think I kind of instead of dealing with that, like took all of my trauma and threw it on to something else. And then all of a sudden the thought of flying like literally brought the panic attacks and literal fear. People were like, you can’t just not fly for the rest of your life. And I was like, Yes, I can. I’ve already gone places. I’ve already seen the world. I don’t need to see anything else. If I need to travel, I will drive there or take a boat. Which I was like many boats these days, which they want to express how I wanted to go to Australia. My husband was like, in a fucking boat.

Megan
You know what my old neighbors actually went to Australia in a boat. They took like, stop some there’s like some sort of cruise you can take from LA. It goes all the way to Australia apparently, with that crew. Retired. Who cares? I don’t know. Flight is 24 hours. I couldn’t imagine the boat. It was like weeks and weeks. So it sounded horrible to me. Well, so yeah,

Stephie
it’s interesting that you say that, like you. You didn’t have any issues and then, like following trauma, you found that travel was a lot harder for you. I definitely after my mom passed away, I had so many more issues with flying in particular, like, I would have so much more anxiety and panic, particularly taking off was fine. But any turbulence or landing was really bad for me. And it’s not I mean, it wasn’t like she died in a plane crash or anything travel related. But I definitely noticed, like after that particular trauma, that travel was so much harder for me. So I think that I think it’s interesting that you say that, because I didn’t really know that anyone else experienced that?

Unknown Speaker
Yeah, like it was something I talked to you about my therapist, because they were like, okay, like, what, like, what happened to you in a plane that needs to be like, figured out and I was like, Oh, nothing I’ve never had, I’ve always had wonderful flying experiences. But I think the best that we can come up with is Yeah, that I literally was like, I don’t want to deal with everything that just happened to me. I’m just gonna take all of that and turn it into a different problem.

Megan
I’ll do that in certain ways. So that makes sense. It’s interesting that it went to travel though.

Unknown Speaker
I think it was like something that was like, oh, like, I’m not going to be traveling anyway. I’ll just throw it on there. And then you don’t have to think about it. Yeah. And like, you can only really ignore your problems for so long. They will come bubbling back up to the service.

Stephie
Funny how that works. I know so.

Megan
So at what point did you decide you wanted to tackle your travel anxiety? And how did you start?

Unknown Speaker
So I got invited to Grenada. Like for my blog, and I was like, Oh, yeah, my going. But then I was like, that’s literally the dumbest thing. Like, you have to go on a free trip. You can’t not go. But I was like so paranoid, because I was like, I know that I can’t get on the plane by myself. Like I, there was no way possible that could happen. And my husband couldn’t take off work for two weeks, because that’s like how long the trip was. So I basically asked the PR lady, I was like, um, yeah, Can Can someone else come to so I got her to Okay, getting this other blogger who was like, who lived near me who was like, much better with travel than I was. And so she came with me and like, literally, I made her like, hold my hand. The entire flight, and there was a pilot, like sitting two rows back and I kept like, turning and looking at him. And she was like, you’re gonna have to stop because you look like a crazy person. You keep staring at the pilot.

Stephie
You’re stalking him when exactly.

Unknown Speaker
I was like, okay, like, I’m, it’s cool. And also, like, I went to my doctor, and I also asked her if I could get some Xanax. And which she was like, Yeah, like, not a problem. So I that helped. That helped a bit. And that in the combination of having someone who’s like very cool, flying and very calm, I think it was a good thing. But like, it was still like I had panic attacks like leading up to the days of that flight. Like I cried at the airport when my husband dropped me off. And then I had a literal meltdown at the Delta desk, and they told me my bag was too much like way too much weight.

Megan
I often who has not been there?

Unknown Speaker
I was just like, why is everything working against me? I already have anxiety Just let me on the play. You’re like the universe is saying I shouldn’t do it. Exactly. I was like God, why Just let me get on the airplane. So was that like, was it a

Megan
Was it a small plane because it was going to Grenada?

Unknown Speaker
It was an It was a fairly decent sized plane I want to say it was like two three like either the two three layout or two to layout so it wasn’t huge, but it wasn’t like a tiny tiny airplane. But so at least it wasn’t like a tiny puddle jumper because that was the other thing I didn’t want to I only wanted a direct flight and they only have one flight a week. That’s direct because I was like I am not giving you an A tiny puddle jumper like I was like that’s too much for me to handle like I know my limits.

Stephie
So lucky the worst.

Unknown Speaker
Yeah, like I don’t want to get on anything that’s like can you tell me your weight first like No sir. I cannot tell you my way first. Like, if you need to know my weight for this thing to work like I’m not going on it.

Stephie
If I am five foot five, get on an airplane and my head almost touches the ceiling. When I’m like, oh no no oh this is yeah no like I’m more of a jet girl myself we took a London or whatever Yeah, exactly

Megan
what we took that was it like a two two wouldn’t move to Hilton had Stephie Yeah. And it was like like our entire company was on this one plane I’m like well if we go down everyone’s

Stephie
going down yeah regulars like us and like five other people I regularly have to take the one twos to like cuz we’re where we are airport is so small, we use like little flights to get Chicago or Atlanta or whatever. And the ones up to Chicago are always like the one twos and that’s seriously I get on and I’m an I like duck, not very tall. And I like duck because I’m like, Oh my God is my head get hit the ceiling. You can use like six foot tall guys that are like halfway bent over I’m like, this is this is this is not Oh, it’s too small. Yeah, those tiny planes are not for me. No, thank you. So since you decided that you wanted to tackle your anxiety around travel since you took that first trip? How has your anxiety changed

Unknown Speaker
this so that first trip was was gonna look this up and I don’t remember now, but I want to say five or six years ago. And since then, like I like I actually enjoyed traveling. Now I have very little anxiety. I always have a little bit of like, a little bit of voices in my head was like No, like you’re not. We’re not going to think like that. Like, I literally the biggest thing that I missed, like through COVID was like the feeling of being in the airport. It’s got like this really cool energy and I love it. I like put my earbuds in and I turn my music up loud. I’m like, I just love an airport. Now. I have like little rituals, like I always buy a Coke Zero. I buy a giant bag of the cheese chex mix and peanut m&ms. I’m like, that’s my routine. I like to go to the lounge because I finally got a credit card that lets me get into the Delta lounge for free. I know No, I’m just kidding. I like to go there though. Because it’s like, I can get my free food. I like my free food and my free and like, I know people are like you can drink in there. And I was like, I never drink because like drinking makes me hot and sweaty and like that on an airplane like can’t do. So I like to just go there and get my free food and like people watch and like get on my computer. And it just it’s also a much calmer energy in there. Like everyone in there is like real comfortable with flying and it just kind of keeps me in like this really good. Like area. Oh, I also want to say that I used to have these weird, like, I don’t know what they’re called like. Like conditions I put on myself where like I thought if I didn’t do certain things or did certain things like it would affect my travel. So the biggest one that makes my husband laughed is like I used to I would refuse to listen to music by people who died in a plane crash. Nobody probably for you. But like, especially if it was like the week leading up to the flight. I was like john Denver my ass. am I listening to you? Literally and like that, I think totally stems from like the stupid Final Destination movies. But literally, I think I’m like, oh my god if I listen to I don’t know who else died. Aaliyah. That’s she died in a plane crash, right?

Megan
I think so. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker
I’m one of whoever that was like when she passed. I was like, I realized No, it’s kind of ridiculous like you. That probably has zero effect on my life. But

Megan
I can’t drive behind a truck with logs on it. So

Unknown Speaker
oh my gosh, yes. Thank you. So you know, the fear of final destination. I think that movie, literally they made it just a mess with people for the rest of their whole life.

Megan
So aside from those things, what what do you do to manage your anxiety leading up to and during your travel?

Unknown Speaker
So I kind of have like a routine and sort of like rituals. And so the first thing I have to kind of stick to my routine or I feel like off balance. That’s part of I think keeping my anxiety levels like very low. Obviously I talked extensively about this in therapy, which like that kind of also helps me stay in really good headspace. And then I have like my rituals are I pretty much only fly with Delta. And I think it’s really because I know this Exactly what to expect for moles every single flight. I know the way that they operate. I know that things they do I know the outfits are going to be dressed in, I know what the video looks like on the screen like, it makes me feel better to know everything that’s going to like happen. So for me that involves like, basically only flying on Delta. And like, literally the that’s why I couldn’t fly an airline like Southwest. Like the thought of getting on an airplane without an assigned seat literally makes me like, my skin crawl.

Stephie
Oh, I think I flew Southwest once and I hated it. I was like, What is it? No, I don’t know where I’m gonna sit. This is not okay.

Unknown Speaker
cannot operate under that kind of lifestyle. Oh, I’m just gonna get on the airplane and pick a seat that I see like, No, thank you. I can’t do that. That sounds ridiculous. It sounds illegal. Like that. And like, it’s just not for me. I’m so sorry, Southwest, like, I’m sure they’re a great airline, but I gotta have an assigned seat. So I also, like if I can afford it, I like to fly first class. And the reason is, I mean, it’s just I have more space, which is huge for me, like I am a portly woman. But also I just like my space in general, I feel very crammed like in coach, and I’m not even like a tall person. And I just like when people are not in my bubble, and not crowding me, it makes my anxiety much better. The second that people get too close to me, I literally become one of those people who are like, Oh my god, oh my god, I gotta get out of here. And like, I don’t want to be screaming, there’s a colonial woman on the wing, like, I don’t want to have as many people in my face. Um, and also like, it’s little things to like, I know that if I sit in the front of the plane, I’m going to get off soon, I’m not going to be have people standing behind me trying to get off the airplane, I know that I have a place for my bag. So like, that’s one less worry for me. And I also know that I’m probably less likely to get bumped off a flight. Which that would turn me into a tailspin. I’m pretty good now. But like back in the day, I’d be like, if I got kicked off or bumped off a flight like I would probably just cry in the airport like, like, not an adult.

Unknown Speaker
I take Xanax, obviously, like that’s something that you have to talk to your doctor about.

Unknown Speaker
When I first started taking it, because my nerves were like, literally so sky high. It took the edge off. But it you know, I wasn’t sleeping. I wasn’t anything like that. Like it literally took me from like 100% to like 50. And now when I take it takes me right down to zero. And I just am like, Oh, this is nice. I feel sleepy, I get real calm. Like I have a real great time. So yeah, talk to your doctor about that, because that’s some good stuff. Um, also, the biggest big thing for me is I pre board a lot, which for a long time, I debated whether or not it was even okay for me to do that. Because I’m like, I’m not an old person. And I’m not in a wheelchair. But like, I know that pre boarding is probably one of the biggest things that I do that helps that keep my anxiety down. And again, it all has to do with the fact that it’s because there’s not people in my space. There’s not people right up on the back of my neck. Like, I’m not waiting for people to put up bags. I’m also not creating a disturbance which makes my anxiety go high. Like I can get on the plane, I can put my bags away, I can wipe down my space. I can get situated, I can get my seatbelt buckled, plug my phone in. And I can do all of that before there’s people like jostling around. So like that’s huge for me. I tell pretty much anyone that has extreme anxiety like just pre board, it’s the greatest thing that will ever happen to you.

Megan
Do you find that they generally let you do it? You have ever seen pushback for it?

Unknown Speaker
So I have it. I mean, I don’t know how it would work on an airline like Southwest where like you don’t have a seat. But with Delta, it’s like I’m not taking I’m not getting on the plane before so when and getting like the best thing like I already have a seat. And I was actually told by one of the ladies, she was like, you don’t have to even come up here and ask if you can pre board. And we’re not really allowed to ask you why you want to pre board. Like, oh really? Like you’re allowed to just pre board and you don’t have to explain to us like and no one should be asking you why do you think that your pre boarding like I think it’s just kind of part of them like, which makes sense. Like they can’t be like tell us your disability now. All right. So I’m always like, you know what, like, this is helpful for, to me, I’m not screwing anyone over. Like To be quite honest, I’m usually flying first class anyway. So I be one of the first people on the planes anyway, so it’s not as if I’m like, doing it to get ahead. I’m doing it because I know that like, for me and my anxiety, oh, it’s like the greatest thing.

Stephie
And there’s usually such a small number of people that are pre boarding, if any.

Unknown Speaker
Exactly. It’s usually like me a man and a walker and a woman in a wheelchair. And I’m like, Oh, God, Don’t look at me like

Stephie
people with like, small children or babies. And that’s like it really.

Unknown Speaker
Yeah. Like it’s it’s only like a handful of people. And like I said, to me, it’s, it’s one of the best things that I can do. Like, I absolutely love it. I’m just like, fantastic. I like getting situated and then like not moving. I like the windows deep because I’m the main person who likes to shut it. Because I so I like it when the planes are dark, and really cool. Like literally when is the second that I shut the shade is also the second that I blast open the air. And I just haven’t like raining down on me. And that’s literally like, that’s just a personal preference. I used to sit in the aisle when I first started flying because my anxiety made me pee all the time. So I knew that I would have to get up a lot. And if I was in the window seat, I would never ask them to get up. So once I’ve gotten over that part now I’m like window seat all the way and I can totally control like my entire environment. I feel like I have a lot of these points. But literally like this is how I keep myself sane. I have a playlist that I listened to every time I fly it’s titled musical Xanax. It’s just a weird collection of music. I’ll text you guys the screenshot later. So you can see this weird eclectic mix of music but

Stephie
nothing by anyone who died in a plane crash.

Unknown Speaker
I don’t think so. If there is that would it be a twist? There is some Zana do on there.

Megan
I mean, you have to visit Xanax

Unknown Speaker
they go together. Um, I like to play like simple games like coloring or puzzles or whatever. When I’m taking off again, it’s just like, it’s just like a little something to take my my brain off like, Oh, I’m in a tube of science flying through the air. I rarely I don’t really get nervous too much anymore. Even with turbulence, like usually it will actually Rock me to sleep like I’m a little tiny baby. But if I ever worried the first thing I always do is like look at the flight attendants, which I feel like everyone says that but honestly, like, if they’re up there laughing and reading a magazine like you’re, you’re fine. Like you’re fine. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker
And then

Unknown Speaker
one of my biggest pieces of advice I tell people who are scared is that when the plane starts to get real bumpy, if it does, if you close your eyes and visualize like being on a bus on a dirt road, like, it kind of seems less scary. Because it’s just I’m like, it’s just like being on a bus. Like you’re just on a jostling bus. And like that sort of helps me calm down. I mean, I know I’m not on a bus, but like it helps me a little bit. And the lamest advice of all is like, just keep doing it. Like I hated when people would say things like, oh, you’re just scared about just keep doing it. And like it’s pissing off advice. But like, also, it’s the truth. Like, the more you do it, honestly, the less scary it gets. And the more confident you are, because you just like know what to expect. I mean that right? So but

Stephie
yeah, that totally makes sense. I it’s funny, because there’s a number of these things that I am kind of similar with. I like I don’t do all of those things. But I very much. I mean, I love her teens in general. And I definitely like routines when I am traveling, and I never really thought about it too much. But it does help a lot with my anxiety to just like have the things that I would know I’m going to do to us but even down to like, there are just certain things that I look for in an airport for snacks. Yes, like my airport snack. Oh, yeah, they’re your airport snacks. Like Is this the thing that you give me airport? Like Come on. So I mean, what I think and I think sometimes I know like, when I get very rituals and I have my like ritual things like sometimes I don’t even really talk about it too much. Like even with my husband because he’s not a person Literally ritual person. And so I think sometimes he thinks I’m a little bonkers. But, I mean, I think that it doesn’t matter how loony people think that you are, if it is what helps you, it’s what is what you should do.

Unknown Speaker
Yeah, for me, it’s all about, like making the best that I can. And, like, obviously, it’s no fun being a ball of anxiety. So everything that I do is not. I went through a stage where I would sort of get, like, panicky if I didn’t have my peanut m&ms or my cheese chex mix, because then like, I always get cheese just mix, like, what if I don’t get it is something bad gonna happen? Because I didn’t get the. And then I was like, Oh, you’re bordering a little bit of OCD. Like, let’s talk about that in therapy. Yeah. And, and I’ve actually gotten over that now we’re like, a much more flexible. Actually, the last time I flew, I listened to a podcast when I was taking off and sit in my music because I just didn’t feel like it. And I kind of like gave myself a little like mental goldstar because I was like, congratulations, like, that was a big step for you.

Stephie
Yeah, you’re figuring out how to make your routines and your rituals help you and not hinder you

Unknown Speaker
exactly like I don’t want to take one anxiety ball and like, throw it somewhere else. Like I want to deal with it, unpack it, and then like live my life in a good way.

Stephie
Yeah, that makes sense. So obviously, we can’t talk about traveling xiety without talking about COVID sort of the elephant in the room. Interested in everything in life. So obviously, the pandemic has heightened anxieties for so many people, especially with regards to travel. How is your travel related anxiety changed since the pandemic,

Unknown Speaker
I was super scared that the first light that I took after COVID I would have like undone all of the work that I had done in the past. Like I was scared that like, I would just be too anxious anxiety ridden again to get on an airplane. I was scared that like I was going to get into the airport and have some sort of breakdown, like alone by myself. And honestly, like, it was fine. like totally fine. I forgot to take my Xanax one time, which I was like, Okay, another huge step. Like, the biggest issue that I had during COVID and not traveling was that it’s when I realized that traveling is my extroverted release. Because my life in general is pretty introverted. I’m at home by myself, I work alone. I mean, my husband is home now because of COVID. But even then, like, my life is pretty much just him and I, that’s fairly introverted. And he doesn’t talk a lot because he’s a natural introvert, like,

Stephie
and if you talk to one of your cats, they might come at you with a knife, apparently. Exactly.

Unknown Speaker
Yeah, exactly. So I like that was really hard for me when I realized like, Oh, I get all of my social relief, like from traveling, and from going places and being with like, other people. So that was hard, I guess. And like, when I lost that travel, like, I was just like, super bummed. But yeah, like, seriously, one of my hardest things during COVID is realizing like the lack of people that I would see and the lack of fun going out and like doing things and laughing. Not that I didn’t do those things with my husband, but it’s just different. He’s Yeah, he’s just a very introverted person. And like, yeah, like, we learned other things, like we started to play board games. You know, we do lots of other fun things. But I, I think that I really did miss just in general, my friends, and being able to do things for work. That was hard.

Megan
Yeah, I think we have a very, we have a weird lifestyle in that, like, our lives are completely surrounded by the online community. And so we had to use those travel opportunities to connect with people. And I realized today actually, like, I was chatting with somebody I haven’t chatted with in a while. I was like, Oh, my God, like, I kind of forgot how to talk to people. And like, yeah, regular basis, because I used to travel so much, and see people all the time and just, like, interact and catch up with people. And now I’m just like, I don’t even I don’t even know how to talk to you. And

Stephie
yeah, like, I don’t know how to be a human in public anymore. I’m like, Yeah, I mean, it’s funny because like, a few months into the pandemic, like, truly, it was like maybe may or so. I think I was like, I was on a walk because the baby was pretty little at this point. And I saw I had her in a rap and I was on a walk with her around the neighborhood. Unlike encountered someone like past someone on the sidewalk and I had, it’s still early enough in the pandemic, where you didn’t really know what to do, or you do I walk cross the other side of the street. I just tried it like, What do I do? And in that moment, I thought, Man, when this is over, my social anxiety is going to be so much worse than it was before. And that was only like two months in 18 months later, I’m like, Oh, yeah, my social anxiety is just so much worse because I have forgotten how to do anything remotely related to being a human.

Unknown Speaker
Yeah, I’m not gonna lie. Like the first time I was back in an airport. I was like, look at all these people. A little bit of me was like, God, I used to hang out with this many people in the regular like, I used to just be around people raw dog in the air like, now I’m like, No, like in a hazmat suit walking through being like, I don’t know, I don’t all you people are dirty. Probably like, I

Stephie
don’t know, unwashed public. Exactly. I’m like, all of you people can have consumption. I don’t know. God, it’s so true, though. It’s a definitely like, you have a different a definite different view of society now that like, COVID is here, especially when you wonder, when you see all the different types of people there are during COVID. And I’m sitting in the airport being like, I wonder, like, I wonder who’s the people that I would get along with and the people that I would want to like, push up a plane? So is there anything new that you’ve incorporated into your routine to manage your anxiety since the pandemic?

Brandy
Um, okay, so like, obviously, masks are mandated anyway. But I do think that even if tomorrow, they were like, you don’t have to wear a mask anymore. I’d be like, like, hell, I’m not like, I think it honestly makes so much sense. Like, you don’t know where people are coming and going from you don’t know, any of that. And obviously, like, I’m a pro mask person, but just in general, like, I don’t feel like getting anyone else like and I also feel like it does help me in a sense, at least for my mental self, like, I just, I like my masks. I bought hospital grade wipes. And literally when I get on an airplane, I I wipe everything down the the light switches, the air nozzles, my seat back my pockets, anything that charger area. Anything that I think I might touch is getting wiped down. And like, I actually got the wipes the first time from my epidemiologists friend, her name is Lisa. She’s very lovely. She was like, these will make you feel great. And they’re huge. They’re like five by seven. So they’re big and I can like wipe everything down. Yeah, they’re fantastic. And, you know, obviously, like, keep my hand sanitizer. I do eat and drink on the airplane. I will take my mask off. Like, I take it down. But I’m not like I’ve seen some people on the airplane like literally nurse like one small biscoff cookie for like three hours. And the flight attendants are like cerned I’m still eating and I’m just like, God, I wish windows opened and I could push you out of it. Like, I just I’m like, could you be any router to everyone else on this airplane? Like just everyone stop being a douche nozzle? Kind of. I’m like, I just hate people sometimes. Wow, we are so friendly. I push a man out of an airplane. everyone listening to this episode has listened probably listened to us before so they they know the best of stuff. Yeah, we’re

Megan
definitely like, I think I hate people more now. So totally,

Unknown Speaker
totally. Oh my gosh, I just have to say this slightly off, whatever. But that’s me. My neighbors like a scientist. And we were joking because I said I never knew that. Like, there would be a situation in life that made me judge people based on whether or not they believe in science.

Stephie
Literally.

Unknown Speaker
Like I didn’t know that that was going to be like a friend requirement that I would need and and the world in question. No world just keeps surprising me with little nuggets of thinks. new new new science and such gonna be such a huge part of my life.

Stephie
Not just for nerds anymore. It’s when all the cool people do and all the people that you didn’t ever want to talk to from high school. Like oh my god. Yeah, I know about

Unknown Speaker
Yeah, everybody is like more experts and Doctor experts on Facebook. It’s amazing. Honestly, I

Megan
guess so smarts in high school.

Stephie
So what advice would you give to someone who wants to travel but feels really hindered by their anxiety? Um,

Unknown Speaker
okay, so the first thing I wanted to say I want to say this earlier, and I forgot, but like, it’s okay to be scared of things. I think that when your fear literally starts to affect the way you live your life is when you need to seek help about it. You know, for me, it was like, obviously, going on the trip, but also like, advocating for myself by making sure I could bring someone who is with me, and also like going to therapy and doing as much work in therapy as I could before I got on the airplane. Because like, we’re all scared of like little things. But the second that I realized I was going to not do something that I wanted to do, because I was too scared to do it. I was like, oh, like, that seems unreasonable. I should, I should work on that now. And the other thing is, like, travel really is awesome. And it sounds super lame to say that. But like, when you like, there’s just nothing like going to another country in my opinion. Like, the first time I went to London, I literally felt like Oh shit, like, I’m home, like I could live here. Like, let’s move here right now. And, like, it’s kind of amazing to think that there’s a place out there that is going to could feel that amazing to you. And also driving takes a really long time and sodas obviously taking a boat. So.

Stephie
And interestingly, there are some places that are landlocked. Exactly it’s

Unknown Speaker
going to be so I mean, at this point, it’s that just makes it easier. So the other thing that I say too, is like, give yourself as much space as you need. So like if that involves giving yourself extra leg room, or if you can afford it going to first class, any of those things that like, if that’s a trigger for you, if people kind of being in your bubble, like affects the way that your anxiety spikes, I would highly recommend that only because, like when my anxiety spikes, I don’t respond in the best way I don’t get like, I don’t just start crying or getting quiet. I become like those people who get filmed in Walmart screaming loudly. That’s what happens when my anxiety spikes. I literally I’m like, Why is everyone staring at me as I’m screaming, because I’m just like, Stop looking at me.

Stephie
Just fall on the floor and a victoria secret. And basically,

Unknown Speaker
that’s that’s me, I’m not girl, slowly pass out as you carefully get down to the ground.

Unknown Speaker
That’s me, less racist, but like, on an airplane. So like for me, like I just know that that’s a trigger for me. So I’m like, I am nipping that in the bud. If you’re okay with taking medication, I took Xanax, that is something that I recommend, obviously, you get advice from your doctor and then also test it out before you get on an aeroplane. So that you kind of know what to expect. Also, this is a really weird tip, but I will watch YouTube videos of the plane that I’m going to get on. So I would Google like Boeing 757 Delta, first class or economy. And then I’ll watch like an entire video that people record so that I know exactly what the layout of the plane is going to look like. I know what the seats look like, I know where my seat is, like, I’ll look for it. And I do all this research before I go because like to me like, that also helps me feel like a tiny bit in control. Like I know what to expect. I know what this plane is gonna look like when I get on it. I know how big it is. I know how to get on the plane. Like I just basically and like giving myself like notes beforehand so that everything feels like okay, you’ve already done this before. This isn’t new, you can do this. I do not recommend getting drunk at all, especially if you are on anything like Xanax, like benzos and alcohol do not mix. Also, I just don’t think it’s a good idea to get drunk because like you don’t know how you’re going to respond. And like no one wants to be like 32,000 miles in the sky or however the hell feet not miles feet. me Is that right? I don’t know. Whatever. It’s like, however high you are in the sky. You don’t want to be up there drunk. Yeah, and like not able to control your emotional illness. Start small, like, obviously don’t go to Australia, but maybe you could, like, go to Ohio or not, don’t go to Ohio. But like, those summer that’s in a cup. Originally from Ohio, she could say, yeah, I’m not just pro Ohio for the hell of it. Or anti Ohio really. Um, but trying to go somewhere, like a short flight an hour, two hours, like, you know, don’t be like, I’ve never flown before I’m gonna fly 24 hours, like I would recommend against that. And again, like I said before, like a fear of flying is is not some sort of rare unheard of thing. Like, it’s pretty normal. And if you’re really scared, and I did this for years, until I got over it, I would get on the airplane and be like, Hi, I’m Brandi. I’m super scared of flying. If the plane is bumpy, can you please check on me. And like, I did feel a little stupid as like a 37 year old woman. I mean, I’m almost 39 now, but 37 year old me probably did that. And but the flight attendants were always nice to me. And I’m like, Listen, I’m probably never gonna see these people again. And like, if I’m scared, I’m scared. Like, I my mom got on the plane, I’m gonna ask someone to comfort me or at least let me know things are okay, if things get scary. And they were always nothing but nice about it. So I feel like if that’s something that would make you feel better, just go ahead and ask.

Megan
That’s like, well, you’re not the first person to ask. And then you’re probably not the last person either. So

Unknown Speaker
Exactly. Like I’m like, you know, I don’t need you to come and like, hold my hand. But like, whatever. Like, sometimes I just want to be like, if I’m scared of flying, like, just if you notice anything or whatever, like, just please come talk to me.

Stephie
Yeah, I think that’s a great tip. So, and that’s all about flying.

Megan
That’s a really good tip to look at the videos too, because I actually did that before. I went to London, in the fall before COVID. Because I hadn’t been overseas in a really long time. And I was super nervous about it. And I was lucky enough to get business classy. And I was just like, I don’t I need to, I need to know what’s happening. I need to know what’s going on. I need to know every little detail about this area, because I’m scared.

Stephie
I would also recommend doing that for the airport, if you’re going to be Yeah, in an airport. Never been in before, especially if you have a layover. Because like some airports, like O’Hare, like all the terminals or whatever. They’re all like connected. All the like gate sections. They’re all connected. So you have to walk ways, but you don’t like you’re just walking versus Atlanta, you have to take the little train. Yeah, you can walk but it’s super, super, super, super far. And so like most of the time, you have to get on the little train some airports, they’re like not even connected, you have to take the train or you have to take a little bus or like whatever. And you can find I’m sure you can find all of that information online now. And I think that it can just help you know, again, what to expect. And like, Okay, I have a shorter layover, this is what I’m going to have to do.

Unknown Speaker
Yeah, like the airport thing is a huge tip too. Because like every airport is so incredibly different. Like, I was just at LaGuardia, and like, I had to get from one terminal to the next and you’re doing construction. And I had to like get on a bus and they had to like drive me across the tarmac. I was like, What in the hell is going on?

Stephie
I mean, even like, sometimes when you arrive, if you are going to call an Uber or you’re going to get a cab or you have someone picking you up some of those big airports That shit is hard to find. Yeah, and they were like, Where to go?

Unknown Speaker
Yeah, the first time I landed in Chicago, they were like, Oh, no, you have to go to that specific door to get picked up by Ubers. I’m like, why would I know that? I mean, luckily, someone was like, you look confused. You need to go to board door G or whatever the heck it is. But I was like, thank you. cogniser I should have done my research beforehand. But uh, yeah, like I I love nothing more than watching some, some little airline videos figuring out exactly what I’m getting myself into. Also, I need to ask Megan what airline Did you fly to London?

Megan
british airways.

Unknown Speaker
I’ve been on one of their flights and my favorite is virgin but um, I just wanted to know,

Megan
I’m just not ready for it was it was right. Right after they had upgraded like all of their planes. Oh, So it’s pretty nice.

Unknown Speaker
I got bumped into business class the last time I was on British Airways and I got super drunk on gin and tonic. Even though I just said not to get drunk. But listen, let me tell you something. When I’m coming home from London, I always get trashed. I do. That’s a that’s a pro tip. And this last I got so drunk or gin and tonic that I was watching a Mary berry cooking show. I it was such a good time. And then the last time I got hammered, I was watching that movie in Lyon.

Stephie
Oh, you’re crying? Weren’t you? Oh

Unknown Speaker
my god. I was bawling. I was crying. And this the flight attendant comes over and he’s like, Ma’am, I think you need some coffee. And then he brought me a coffee and a hamburger. This movie is awful. But so good.

Stephie
Good. Well, I mean, you can that’s actually why I don’t recommend drinking. They might bring you a hamburger. I will. Yeah, be a bonus. I know the hammer is great. But so slight amount of judgment you felt because you’re the one that gave me this alcohol and you put a movie on a year. I personally chose the movie. Here’s the thing. Like, I don’t even know.

Unknown Speaker
I don’t know why they put drama movies on airplanes. Like it should literally just be strictly comedies. And I’ve actually learned my lesson. And I only watch comedies now because I’m like, the miss that lion movie and one time I watched inside out on an airplane. Oh my god. Like why? Why are you allowing this delta i have

Stephie
i only very rarely will watch a movie I’ve never seen on an airplane. Partly for that reason. And then partly because I’ve been on flights. Where like it’s a decent enough, like a long enough flight to watch a movie. But the movie I choose is like 10 minutes longer than the flight. And you’re screwed. Never know can miss the last 1015 minutes, motherfucker. So usually, unless it is like an international flight that I know is long enough. I will usually just choose something I’ve seen before because I know I know that it’s gonna make me like laugh or happy. I know it doesn’t have like, naked butts or penises in it that are gonna make me feel weird with the people around me. And I know that if I don’t finish it, I know how it ends.

Unknown Speaker
Yeah, one time I watched the Brokeback Mountain on an airplane. broke. Mountain. You don’t understand like now want to get on an airplane. I’m like, okay, like Delta for a while had sleeping with the enemy. I don’t even know why that’s on there. But I was like, perfect movie seen it a million times know what to expect. Like clueless seen it dirty dancing. Nailed it. Like, right? Sometimes they have old episodes of The Office. Yep, I’ll watch it. I know exactly what to expect.

Stephie
Even like I’ve seen, I’ve seen where they’ve had, like episodes of Game of Thrones, and I’m like, dude, there’s a lot of just naked bodies and sex on that show. Right? Why would you tell him an airplane.

Unknown Speaker
When I was watching Brokeback Mountain, I was actually flying British Airways, I think. And this was like, this is like 15 whenever Brokeback Mountain came back, or when it came out is when I was flying. This was pre brandy being scared to fly. And I got upgraded and I’m sitting there and I’m just trying it’s like tea time in the air because that’s the freakin thing. And I’m just trying to eat my like clotted cream and scone. And I’m watching Brokeback Mountain. And I’m like, I I didn’t know where the remote was. I didn’t know how to pause it like I just I was like, I don’t think I should be watching this on an airplane. I was like, Oh, I’m gonna watch this movie cuz everyone talks about it. And then I was like, they did not lie. This movie is graphic.

Stephie
Oh, man. Well, panties picked up for that pro tip. Recently I made a list of things you should do and things you should not do. So there you go. Serve just like the brandy O’Neill life manual. You should not do and I know because I’ve done them. Exactly. Don’t watch Brokeback Mountain on an airplane will feel awkward. Brandy, thank you so much for being here again. You are always a delight to have on the podcast and I know that your tips are gonna help somebody that is just feeling a little anxious about travel. Oh, I hope so. And if anybody ever whatever wants to reach out to me they can you can tell them where they find you.

Unknown Speaker
Well, you can find me on nutmegnanny.com. And that’s pretty much all my socials on the same so if you ever wanted to get ahold of me quickly, probably best to do it like through Instagram messenger or something like that. You can email me to brandy at nutmegnanny dot com. But I am real bad about emailing back a lot of people. So just hit me up on Instagram.

Stephie
It’ll be faster or at least you’re honest.

Unknown Speaker
Exactly. It’s gonna take me like at least a one to two to seven business days to email someone back.

What’s bringing us joy this week?

Stephie
All right, what is bringing you joy this week?

Unknown Speaker
Well, next week, we’re going to Hawaii. I know. I actually I didn’t bring it up in here. But it gave me a little bit of anxiety because I because I’m actually super excited about everything. My husband is very anxious about it. And so I kept thinking like, maybe I should just cancel it. But then I was like, You know what, I’ve done everything. I wore my mask, I stayed home, I got my vaccine, I washed my hands of going on vacation and honestly I don’t even care like we have like nothing planned. Like I’m not going there and like going to a club like we’re going there to literally probably just sit away from people but at least the view is Hawaii and not Apex North Carolina. So I’m I’m very excited about that. Like I already said I’m like listen, I already put the hotel address in the doordash so we can doordash good to us. You can go get takeaway we don’t eat we’ve already went to Hawaii like 15 years ago so like we’ve already done all of the touristy things like I just really really want to go somewhere with my husband like I miss them. And yeah, we’ve been together but I just would like to go somewhere different.

Stephie
Yeah, I feel different about getting out of your at home routine and spending time with your spouse without all of the reminders of other shit you have to do around you.

Unknown Speaker
Yeah and like because we moved and built a house and then COVID hit like we haven’t gone on a vacation in like three years like him and I so I’m like, like I’m I’m dying like we need to do something so we picked a why cuz it’s far enough away to feel like we’re going somewhere really exotic, but also still in the US so hopefully nothing should happen but like if it does our insurance works there like it’s still US soil so like I yeah, that was why we picked there

Megan
well what airline are you flying? Delta girl you know it they go to Hawaii. I did not know that they go to

Unknown Speaker
Hawaii. Yeah, do le x I’m friends with a flight attendant on Instagram. And she’s based out of LA x so like hopefully we’re gonna finally meet up so yeah, like I

Megan
have a different airline when I went to Hawaii and I do not recommend it so

Stephie
Oh, was it American there the word was horrible. Horrible.

Megan
I we got stuck in the Maui airport for like 11 hours. I’m American or it’s just

Stephie
yeah, so I had to fly in America. I end up flying American a lot just because our airport but yeah, they’re the worst. Yeah, I’ve everything is going fine. Then American is fine. But the minute the minute they’re lost Landry. Yeah. The phalanges have gone there, too.

Unknown Speaker
Yeah, the only thing I like about American is one time I was on the airline and they baked fresh, hot cookies. And I was like, Alright, this is cool, but you still suck but I liked the cookies were good.

Megan
See, the reason why I like British Airways is because when I was a teenager and I went to Europe for the first time, they did a midnight snack and it was chocolate cake and chicken wings. Oh my god. I was sold ever since then.

Unknown Speaker
Honestly, I just I just love a good boozy airline. I want food. I want lots of it. I want you to just keep me liquored up and coke zeroed up and like I’m a happy girl like really? I’m so happy. I actually really love airplane food to art laughs at me and like I love it. I love nothing more than dining on an airplane. Like even coach food. I’m here for it like I will. I will open that little tin box like it’s like a delicious five star meal. I love it. It never tastes horrible. I mean, it does, but it doesn’t

Megan
experience like the experience. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker
It’s like a whole thing. I’m a real experience person. Like, when I go to the movies, I want popcorn. When I get on the plane, I want food. Like, I want the whole thing. I want it all laid out for me.

Stephie
Love it. Megan, what’s bringing you joy this week.

Megan
So I know that we have talked about Ted lasso previously. But the most recent episode was a Christmas episode. And it was delightful. And I just feel like it was perfectly timed with everything that’s been going on. Like I know, they didn’t do that on purpose necessarily, but just like, I just felt like I really needed a Christmas thing. And it was just really nice. And I don’t know why they I guess maybe they did it because it takes place in England and like British shows. I always do Christmas specials. So maybe that’s why and I don’t know it was just really nice and Christmassy and made me happy and thinking about how Christmas is coming and all the Christmas movies that we watch. I am excited. I haven’t seen that show yet. What is it on? Is it is that the apple one? It’s on Apple.

Unknown Speaker
I saw an accident. We have been paying for that for six months, so I should watch it.

Stephie
So we we’ve talked about Ted Lesko before, but it was just Megan I think it was just when you watched it. And I have admitted here on the podcast yet.

Unknown Speaker
I watched it.

Stephie
It’s fine. I guess. I love Roy Kent. He’s amazing. I would die for him. The rest of it. It’s okay, it’s fine. I might watch season two. And I feel very I like feel bad because so many people love the show so much. And I will just I wanted I really wanted to enjoy it. Like I’m trying so hard and I just couldn’t. It’s fine.

Unknown Speaker
You sound like a hipster who like doesn’t like things because other people do. No, I’m joking.

Stephie
Like, I understand what the big deal was about it and but I was like okay, I’m gonna watch it because I got like four months free of Apple TV and I was like, Okay, if I have four months free, I’ll watch it whatever. And then I was like, because I was like I really don’t understand why people why like are so excited about the show. So it was a little like hesitant going into it and then as I wasn’t liking it, I felt really bad because I have so many people in my life that love it. And so then I was like, Okay, now I really want to I’m gonna try like it I’m gonna try to like this show. I’m gonna by the end of it, they’re gonna prove me wrong and it was fine.

Unknown Speaker
I have a friend that doesn’t like shits Creek, and like she feels the same way.

Stephie
My husband feels that way about shits Creek and it makes me sad that I married him. Not really, I love my husband very much. But also, I love shits Creek a lot. Yeah, exactly.

Megan
I think one of the things that I like about it though, is that it’s like I don’t know. It’s just like it’s not super high stakes. It’s not super high conflict. It’s just like people trying their best and I just really needed that right now. I would appreciate it I know their best yeah it just I think it’s just that kind of thing. It’s like the same thing with like, Great British baking show like yeah, it’s just a bunch of people like trying really hard and like yeah, there was a little bit of nefariousness in the beginning but like not really I don’t know just a lot of Atlanta underdog good people I guess that made me happy. I don’t know I mean you don’t have to like everything you really enjoy the bachelor and the bachelorette and I think those are disgusting shows that should be off the air so

Unknown Speaker
we can I can I just admit something to everyone who’s listening. Or hey, listen, guys, I’m so obsessed with 90 day fiance. I just got into

Stephie
I really love married at first sight. Oh,

Unknown Speaker
you guys I could watch all of the night they have a 90 day fiance the other way with people moving to other countries. I have never been so excited and if you are going to do a podcast on 90 day, fiance You don’t have me I will Riot

Stephie
mark my admission because I do I do love freshy I do love trashy reality TV. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker
it’s fantastic. It really it really fills my cup.

Stephie
Because again, you know, some some of us like, really feel good low stakes and some of us just like other people’s drama low stakes,

Unknown Speaker
honestly, like I’m like that mean with the cat who’s watching two dogs fight and it’s like I don’t I don’t want to be involved in drama, but I will watch it all day long. I want to know, I want to know everything. I just don’t want to be involved in it.

Unknown Speaker
Oh man.

Megan
Stephie What’s bringing you joy? Um,

Stephie
yesterday, the last like couple days. I guess it wasn’t yesterday. The last couple days was like just delightful weather. Just so was it. It wasn’t chilly. It wasn’t hot. It was just perfect. And I had the baby in a pair of shorts so that I threw a sweatshirt on her. And the sweatshirt because she was born in Wisconsin has the state of Wisconsin on it and then it says cutest little cheese curd. And because because when she was born, we still call her our cheese curd. And so her little sweatshirt says cutest little cheese curd and it just, I just love it just makes me so happy.

Megan
It’s pretty cute.

Stephie
Very cute. She is a damn cute little cheese curd. her birth mom actually found that sweatshirt. And she like saw it on someone’s Instagram story and immediately sent it to me. She was like, um, Edie needs this.

Unknown Speaker
I love it. I want a sweater that says that even though I’ve never actually been been to Wisconsin, it’s just adorable.

Stephie
Well, there’s lots of cheese and some great people. Well, then I shall plan a trip.

Next week’s episode

Megan
Next week is our podcasting anniversary.

Stephie
So come spend our birthday with us. In the meantime, leave us a review on Apple podcasts and listen to us on your favorite platform. You can also follow us on social media at IRSIpodcast or send us an email at Idratherstayinpodcast@gmail.com we’d love to hear from you. Bye

Transcribed by https://otter.ai